Inspired by David Letterman’s completely made up “fun facts”. Think of this like chindogu, those working, but useless inventions. Let’s hear your (semi)plausible but irrelevant (fake) factoids.
I’ll start.
Marcel Duchamp coined the phrase “to coin a phrase”.
The least successful musical of all time was Susan Sontag’s “Squeaky
Fromme, You Is My Woman Now”.
The third most common verb in the English language is “discharge”.
On average, ugly people have two less bones than attractive people.
Cats and octopodes are mortal enemies, but rarely come into contact.
The ocean is no more than twenty-four and a half feet deep, but due to
fluid refraction, appears much deeper.
Both gorillas and dolphins have been taught to talk, but dolphins are
more likely to lie to you.
Steven Morrissey’s real name is Stephen Morrissey.
The Bilderbergers, subject of innumerable political conspiracy theories, are actually a chess club. World leaders inform their parliaments and spouses that they are going there, but duck out at the last minute and end up drunk and disheveled in Thailand.
The Moon is a fake.
Pepsi and Coke are ultimately owned, through multiple shell companies and holding companies, by the investment arm of the Chinese Ministry of the Interior. Hence, their largest shareholder is the People’s Liberation Army.
Yarn isn’t a manufactured product, but comes from the yarn plant. This plant only grows in Tanzania on small plantations and is currently at risk for extinction due to excessive over harvest.
The human body is capable of remaining well-fed and healthy on a daily diet of two pounds of cheese.
A gasoline engine capable of 150bhp and over 100mpg has been patented, but ruthlessly suppressed by the oil industry.
In Wales, it is illegal to sell shoes that are differently shaped for the left and right feet.
The so-called “bones” of the middle ear are actually composed of pure iron. This is why telephone receivers, which produce a barely-audible sound, can be clearly heard when held to the ear - the magnets in the earpiece act on the ear.
High-voltage power lines are not only a distribution system, but collect lightning and conduct it to the power station, where it is stored. Otherwise electricity could not be transmitted economically.
The symbols photographically printed onto microchips are not functional circuitry. They are much too small for that. Instead they are potent mystic symbols in praise of Thoth, the Egyptian god of knowledge. Computers actually work by divine intervention.
FDR did not suffer from polio. He rode in the wheelchair out of sheer laziness.
Lou Reed wrote and recorded the original dial tone you hear upon picking up a phone.
President Grover Cleveland had an unusually high and pure singing voice. He closed every session of Congress with a lulling rendition of the then popular music hall tune “Let’s Put the Stoat to Sleep, My Darling Cissy”. Members of Congress had to mime falling asleep with their heads on their desks while making “Zzzzzzz” noises before he would leave.
Orson Welles snuck the word pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcaniosis into three different background conversations that take place during <i>Citizen Kane</i>.
In the 1970’s scientists discovered a still surviving species of pleiosaur living in the trench zone. However, the species head bears an uncanny resemblance to Scooby Doo. Teams of researchers have been investigating these creatures for years, terrified that it will turn out to be a hoax planned by other scientists.
The President Of The United States, in order to ensure his safety, can attack and kill his secret service bodyguards with legal immunity.
The CIA has been adulterating illegal drugs with Truthamin, a chemical that causes unreasoning faith in anything the government says.
HMOs are part of a huge sociological study to see just how bad things can get, and how people react.
At the time of his death, Tucker was close to perfecting a car that ran on atmospheric pollution- actually cleaning the air as it ran.
JFK’s lunar ambitions were actually due to a trusted soothsayer telling him that he could not die so long as he wore a ring containing a stone from the moon.