Pukey smiley!
I’m telling this one to my sister.
I suppose the purpose of this defense is to make the animal more slippery and hard to get ahold of, eh?
Does this mean that if you put a canola on a hot griddle it will fry itself?
Pssst, we did use the guillotine until 1981, when the death pen. was abolished 
Also, we do have a word for poodle - we don’t have one for entrepreneur though. But 26 of them for cheese, and 8 for marital infidelity.
The last one is absolutely correct however. It’s in fact the cultural reason why left-handed people cannot become French citizen, nor be granted visas.
No tattoo parlor will tattoo an “X” on anyone’s forehead, lest they have to pay royalties to Charles Manson.
Eleanor Roosevelt and FDR did not speak for his last two terms after she substituted a rubber crutch for one of his real ones while he gave a speech.
Lou Gehrig had huge gambling debts and his illness and death were faked as the government set him up with a new identity in Brazil before the mafia killed him.
The best remedy for hemorrhoids is Vicks Vapor Rub.
If you sneeze in your dreams, you will wet the bed.
That’s actually true. The chip companies basically decided they’d follow a 2-year cycle. If they wanted to go faster, they could’ve, especially back when it was easier. Their collusion is called the International Technology Roadmap for Semiconductors.
If we were shrinking dies as fast as technologically possible, do you really think we’d end up with a perfect 2-year rhythm?
I told this twice at work last week. Each time I told it, at least one person in the group believed it. AND THESE WERE NOT STUPID PEOPLE!
I did forget about the “half” part.
Among the U.S. armed services, only the Marine Corps authorizes senior non-coms, in certain situations in wartime, to shoot their officers.
Jeff Beck’s father was a pianist in the early jazz days. He was able to stretch his fingers to play especially difficult passages and eventually his fingers grew so long that he acquired the nickname “Big Spider.”
Barack Obama intentionally misspoke during the oath of office, because he’s not constitutionally eligible to be president. It’s part of a backroom deal worked out where he can *act *as president, but he’s not actually president.
So does Manhattan still belong to the US?
Obama’s first act in office will be to buy it back for $24 worth of beads.
The little bit of fog that forms at the top of a freshly opened soda bottle is toxic.
A man is born with the capability to have a finite number of erections. This number varies from man to man. Erections used up on morning wood or masturbating deplete the remaining number.
This Just In: Obama re-took the oath at 7:30 PM EST today (1/21/2009) in the map room of the White House.* The only thing was that is there was no Bible present. Does that represent the separation of Church and State? Or maybe he is deliberately avoiding one step at a time until he commits an impeachable offense and cries, “oh, but I’m not really in charge. Nyaah!!!”
Anyway, it still doesn’t count. You guys have voted a maverick into office. :smack:
…and down the slippery slope we go.
*Does this mean we now get to call it something besides the “White House”? I’m open to suggestions.
At Chinese restaurants, item number 69 is always the most profitable and overpriced dish. That’s because they know teenagers will order it as a prank. They get so many orders for those items that it’s enough to keep them in business on its own, especially during holiday vacations when more kids are at home with nothing to do.
That’s funny. An acquaintance of mine was once telling me how girls are growing larger boobies due to eating chicken, because of the hormones poultry producers are using to increase the size of chicken breasts. I didn’t bother to explain to him how that it’s not quite the same type of breast tissue.
(Sorry for the zombie but I was researching whether cats hunt & kill cockroaches and accidentally came upon this)
The production of all-electric automobiles has been held up by archaic laws in a number of states dating from the beginning of the twentieth century. All-electric cars would not meet the original definitions of a “motor vehicle”, and so none of the state regulations would apply to them.
Even in jest, this kind of crap needs to stop!
OK…Jack in lost is gay and christian
Science has discovered that we individually perceive colors totally differently from each other,but we don’t know it, and so we can agree on shared names for colors. If we were actually seeing colors through another persons eyes, they would appear to be totally different colors than what you see through your own yes.
The US Navy uses its anti-submarine technology to hunt whales for sport.
For more than 30 years the Federal government has been paying major universities to research the policy implications of free blowjobs for elected officials in state legislatures.
The Catholic Church has decided to breed its own children specifically for sexual abuse by priests.