I’ve actually been trying to disseminate an urban legend for the past two weeks or so.
A new immigration policy: If a tourist (or a cabin attendant (formerly known as stewardess)) sleeps with an American citizen five times then they will automatically get their green card. Ten times and they get US citizenship. They just have to walk into any Immigration office and tell the clerks there that they have been boffing so-and-so for the past two weeks and have achieved the requisite number of boffs and then they immediately get the required document. No language proficiency test, no American history or government tests. No checks other than a single phone call to the boffee to verify the number of boffs.
I have spread this among the folks I work with, of course telling them that Fred told me about it. They, of course, tell me that they will wait to see the memo.
Luckily, my language skills (although good) are not good enough to explain this new policy to the tourists and cabin attendants that I meet daily.
In retaliation for the US government having invented AIDS to kill the gays and crack to kill the blacks, a gay black scientest invented artifical sweetners Equal and Splenda to kill white people.
Christopher F. Tyler–the Detroit-born actor who played fictitious terrorist ringleader “Osama bin Laden” in the occasionally released photos, videos, and tapes produced by US intelligence–finally convinced the CIA to “kill off” Osama in early 2011, so he didn’t have to put on the makeup and false beard again.
That’s not the weird part.
Tyler’s been incredibly busy since 2004 in his other role (where he uses more or les his real face) as African-American politician Barack Obama.
(Note: There was a real “Usama Binladin” in the famous Binladin family, but he died of complications from diabetes in 1992. “Osama bin Laden” was invented in 2001. You can tell the difference by the spellings.)
Oh, I should explain that the Sept. 11 conspirators were not actually connected to al-Qaeda (which was actually a religious music company before 2002). The hijackers were anti-globalization protestors from the international New Left who got radicalized by a charismatic drug dealer / cult leader named Mohamed Mohamed Atta. The entire conspiracy died in the attacks.
“Osama bin Laden” was invented as a scapegoat by the CIA, giving the USA a pretext for war. The operative who developed all this died in a friendly fire incident in the Emirate of Syriana. The CIA office in charge of producing “Osama bin Laden” footage kept the true nature of their project secret from the President and Congress. Internal memos from 2006 show that everyone in the government was pretty much in the dark except for the CIA Director and a few hand-picked handlers. Neither President Bush nor his successor were supposed to be in the loop.
However, between the demands of Mr Tyler’s day job, & the fact that the “Osama bin Laden” project had begun to give his wife nightmares, he finally demanded the CIA office close up shop and put this particular disinformation campaign to bed. Not even the US President had authority to do that; Tyler just refused to renew his contract as an actor. This is a great relief to Mrs Tyler (aka “Michelle Obama”) because she was having dreams where her mother (Jane Fonda) saw through the disguise and exposed all of them on national television.
It takes more CPU cycles for a relational database to retrieve a zombie thread.
The further back the last date of posting in the thread, the longer it takes to retrieve the thread. It is because threads are stored like index-cards in sequential system, and to find a thread the database must check each card one by one.
This is what the strange 6 digits number in the URL are for.
In an effort to streamline logistics, the US military is replacing all rifled weapons with smoothbores. Previously, they’d maintained weapons whose rifling twisted to the left for use in the northern hemisphere and weapons with a right twist for use in the southern hemisphere.