I agree, lots of good thoughts here. And one of them has been alluded to, but over the years? I have come to believe that the BEST thing EVER is to have a good marriage [sub]or long term relationship[/sub] and the WORST thing EVER is to be stuck in a BAD one.
I know a perfectly wonderful man who is married to a woman who was “all about” going to his professional functions with him when they were dating. Then, after they got married, she stopped going to them with him. Now, these functions are frequently weekend functions. She also no longer goes to funerals, weddings or so forth with him. Unless they are functions that she, personally, feels obligated to go to. Or WANTS to go to. Now, I know that no one really ever WANTS to go to some of these things. But…sometimes you just need to do things you’d rather not do. And if you love someone who HAS to go to them, you go with him/her…just because you love them. The weekend functions that she doesn’t attend with him are particularly perplexing to me. I mean, they are always held in nice places, and there are always things there that it seems to me that she would enjoy doing. Not that they would necessarily be things she would seek OUT as things to do, but…sheesh. They are only once or twice a year. Wouldn’t you give up one or two weekends a year, out of 52, just because you love your SO and want to make him happy? I just don’t think it is that big of a sacrifice, so I’d do it. I do those kinds of things all the time, and it doesn’t bother me to do them alone because…I AM alone. If I had a SO, who wouldn’t be in my life unless I believed he loved me, and I had to do all of that stuff alone? Yeah. That would cause me some heartache. And? I’d wonder if they really loved me.
I’m not judging their relationship, BTW. It is theirs, and it seems to work for them., Mostly, it appears to me, because he sacrifices his feelings and so forth, in order to make her happy. Which is his decision, and more power to him. Still…I wouldn’t want to be in that kind of relationship. It just seems too one-sided.
I met another man when my dad spent four months in a care facility last winter. His own father was there short term, as my dad was. His dad had fractured his foot, and was there because the man’s mom was 84 years old and frail… and couldn’t take care of his dad as he recuperated. This man faithfully visited his dad every night after work for an hour, and faithfully picked his mom up on his days off so she could visit his dad for a few hours. (His brother brought her the other days.) I was there with MY dad when he was, since we both have the same four day work week. I was amazed at his dedication, and I think he is a wonderful person. I think BOTH of those men are awesome people. So one day, this man’s SIL and I got to talking, and I mentioned how wonderful I thought both of the guys were. She agreed, and went on to tell me that in her BIL’s case it was all the more awesome because BIL’s wife was extremely ticked off by all the time her husband was spending with his dad. And I was like…astounded. HOW can you be ticked off by the fact that for a short time, your husband is spending what comes out to be about thirteen hours a week with his father? SIX of which don’t impact you AT ALL because YOU are at work? And one more hour a day, four days a week, doesn’t seem (to me) to impact you either…since it is just after work, and who spends “quality time” with their husband between 5 and 6 at night, when you yourself get off at 5PM and are getting home and cooking dinner? And even if he is usually the one who cooks dinner, shouldn’t you be willing to do it for the short term, when you know it isn’t a forever thing? A matter of a few months? So, for a few months, your husband is spending thirteen hours a week with his dad, ten of which don’t seem to me to impact your life. That is three hours a week that your husband is taking away from your time. For a FEW MONTHS? Sheesh. I just don’t GET that.
Again, not my place to judge their marriage. I don’t know them well enough to make ANY assumptions at all. It just seems wrong to me, to begrudge your husband three hours a week away from you so he can tend to his parents. I just don’t, as I said, “get it.” No one in my family would ever have a fit if they were in that situation, so I just can’t relate.
So that is one more thing about being single that is good. If you are single, and in a situation like that, you don’t have anyone throwing tantrums at you if you feel the need to support your family if they need it. Please God you’ll never have to DO that…but if so? It is best to be single.
But, as is not uncommon, I digress. 
If, like me, you are single?
I KNOW I’m single, and so it seldom bothers me to go to these kinds of things alone. [sub]I admit to the occasional melancholy moment, usually at family events…weddings and christenings mostly[/sub] I have no expectations that anyone will go with me, since there is no one who I expect loves me enough to go with me just because they love me and I have the expectation that they would WANT to support me through that kind of thing. Oh, sure…if I feel I need some kind of support, I have friends or family members who will go with me if I ask. BUT…I don’t need to have anyone support me through them, usually, because I can handle it on my own. BUT? If I was in a relationship where I felt that I shouldn’t have to go through something alone…and yet I WAS there alone? That would be kind of distressing. Actually, it would be VERY distressing. For me, anyway. If you love someone, you should be able to depend on them to do those things with you. Even if they’d rather be watching old movies on AMC. Especially since YOU would rather be watching old movies on AMC yourself.
Much better to be alone ALONE…than to be alone together. At least you have no expectations, so there are no expectations [sub]or wistful wishes[/sub] that aren’t being met.
And then there is that having popcorn for dinner thing, with no one looking at me as though I was the worst person EVER because I felt like having popcorn for dinner. Instead of meat and potatoes. And a vegetable, and dessert.
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