#6 - nothing else to do during the Blackout
#5 - Waited as long as possible for Drew Barrymore to declare her love.
#5: Oprah said Yes!
#4: Needed the SDMB to create a Top Ten thread with two #5s. 
#3: Alan Kalter said yes!
#2: After all this time, finally got close enough to Grinder Girl.
-during the blackoutAnd the number 1 reason why I, David Letterman, have finally decided to have a kid:
Because I didn’t want to leave my vast inheritance to that guy from “Ed”
And from the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska, the Top Ten criteria for selecting the mother of my child.
#10: Liquor. I had some, she had more.
#9. Finally found a woman not totally repulsed by the huge gap in my teeth.
#8. She didn’t mind me calling her ‘Kenny.’
#7. She said “screw you Duckface”, Dave heard “Screw me Duckface”.
#6. She floats.
#8. She was the only woman in North America who laughed at the “Uma–Oprah” oke.
What? Paul, did I say ‘eight?’ Oh, well, what number are we up to? That was 'five?"
Number four: She ‘flashes’ me on my birthday.
[Cut to clip of Drew Barrymore dancing and Dave’s desk and flashing him.]
#3: She’ll sit through “Cabin Boy.”
#2 She was hand-picked by that snarky blonde from Queer Eye.
#1 - She’s my cardiac nurse.
Dave: And now, the top ten reasons why I, David Letterman, will not be a good father.
Paul: Oh no, Dave. You’ll be a great father, I just know it.
Dave: Why thank-you, Paul. But let’s face it. Look at me. Do I look like father material? [Mugs at camera.]
Paul: I think you’ll be fabulous! But this is the top ten reasons why you might not be a good father.
Dave: That’s right, why, I, Dave Letterman, will not be a good father…
[drum roll]
#10. I’ll tell the State Trooper that it was the kid who was doing the drivin’.
#9. Stupid baby tricks.