Letters You Do Not Know Where To Send

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Dear Mom

Thank you for coming to visit me in my dreams. I wake up smiling after being able to speak to you again.

Love Always :heart::heart::heart:

22

Awww. I love that.

I get happiness when I dream of my parents.
My Mother tho’,
You know how Mom’s always know the right thing to do? Everytime I dream of her she looking at me a pointing to something in a book or something out of a window. I can never get to see what it is. Bar none my favorite is pointing in the fridge.
My Daddy is always doing things I remember he did in life.
Both make me happy.

23

Dear Vlad.
Stop it.
NOW.
Regards
pjd

24

I like this!!

25

Dear meat packing folks, please quit adding the stupid little diapers to meat trays. They suck up delicious juices so we can’t get at them. I understand the neatness compulsion, but it’s a serious waste. And you are seriously contributing to the trash heap unnecessarily.

Also, please quit using foam trays, try paperboard ones or waxed paperboard.

26

Dear People Named Gary,

I just heard that this name is becoming extinct. In the 1950s, many thousands of boys were given the name Gary but this year it is under 500.

This seems a shame. We all fondly recall Gary Coleman distorting his face and asking Willis what he was talking about. And Gary Carter was one of the few baseball players who always seemed to be enjoying himself. I can’t remember anything specific about Gary Oldman or Busey but they likely did things too.

What can be done about this? A name like Steve is translated into Spanish as Enrique, which sounds dynamic and exotic. But Gary has no cool translation, much like Gordon. Maybe the world is just better off with more Liams and Masons and Tyrions, and you should not cry over spilled milk. If not, now is the time to pump money into Google Ads and celebrity endorsements.

27

The marketplace has answered:

28

Dear The Bay,

Congratulations on being one of Canada’s oldest companies. You’ve been around a long time, eh? Heck, Target only lasted a couple years here.

But your stores look out of date. At the front are always those ridiculously well lit cosmetics counters. Sephora seems more subdued and they seem to be doing okay. Does blinding light strike the right balance between making people’s faces seem more wrinkly and the de minimis change after applying $100 niacinamide night serum eye refreshment elixir?

Some of your stores have cookware and appliances but others are zealously focused on the cheapest items sold by fashionable brands. What all stores have in common is the famous hiding ability of employees who are impossible to locate unless making payment. Given how long some employees have successfully hid, this payment might be in beaver pelts.

Still, it is amazing you remain in business! There is simply no better place in Canada to buy Olympic team clothing, stripey blankets, $5 chocolate letters or handkerchiefs. Which is nothing to sneeze at.

29

Dear sliced bread,

Check your ego at the door, eh? The greatest thing ever? Sure, you are marginally better than unsliced bread. Although slice width is limited and you might go stale slightly faster.

Sliced bread was big news in 1928 when Wonder invented a machine on the way to commercial success. But you are comparing yourself to medicines? Advances in water purification or rural electrification? That’s kind of rich, even if you do save wear and tear on that long knife with the knobbly blade and keep the kitchen freer from loose crumbs.

It’s only one more step to combining peanut butter, jam and croutons in one jar for easy spoon feeding. Never underestimate convenience. If you could put peanut butter, jam and croutons into an aerosol foam millions would buy it every week.

30

My Dead Skinned Coyote is named Gary. He’s draped over a Papasan Chair that used to belong to my wife but chose to abandon when she left me.

31

Don’t worry too much. In the future the name “Gary” will return. Here’s a Gary from the 24th century to prove it.

32

Yep, plastic, and more plastic with near-estrogens that can affect the meat and therefore us. Wasteful and less tasty.