Not sure how long these atoms will last now. Dizzy and floating feelings more and more frequent. This vapid space occupied by criminals and rotten flesh. Judgment questionable. Ambivalent desire for release and mercy. Not sure which is which. Likely the mercy is in the release. Hopeless longings mock my own gullability. Spineless cowardice in the face of challenge. Overestimation of significance. Less value than a tin can. Both worthless and needful. Never a more pathetic cause than this, the one I bear.
Trivial evening lamentation evaporates to morning mourning. Trillions of atoms add up to nothing. Vast hatred. Vast disregard. Vast evil looms large. The Spirit is angry. Love slapped in the face by scorn. By indifference. By depravity. Barbarians rule these atoms. Mindless animals. Cock roaches. Vermin.
Crap. I’m only looking this deep in MPSIMS for a link for someone. I’m a long way away and now my wife’s out of town for a couple of days and I’m feeling pretty lonely, useless and afraid. I saw this thread a while ago and didn’t think to open it. I saw some of your other posts over the last couple of days Lib and assumed you were ok; communing with us at this difficult time and putting your strong shoulder to the wheel. But it doesn’t look like it and the responses in this thread don’t look to me what you need to hear.
Don’t despair Lib. Your judgement and that of others will return. It is a refutation of your feeling that nothing matters that you can be rocked by these things. The struggle for dignity and respect for people is centuries old. It has seen many setbacks. It has been killed, burned, suppressed and distracted. But it lives and it’s worth living for.
Small things you can do defy this “insignificance” you speak of. You are a strong, moral man. Get up.
Lib’s mad! Whoa! Don’t worry, Lib, that’s an all too human response to this tragedy. God knows you are a wonderful person, and these feelings of blinding rage will pass. Those feelings are what it is to be alive, accept the as part of you, but don’t let them consume you.
Yes, the Spirit is angry. But it does not despair, and is not beaten. Love is slapped in the face, but does not cease to exist. New generation and old band together for strength and solace, comfort and resolve. Join with us. Lend your compassion and your strength to the gathering, for it will be needed in difficult days ahead.
Sorrow, as we all do. As we must. But do not despair. As we must not.