I’ve made millions of dollars selling counterfeit copies of the recipe for Reese’s Peanut Butter Big Cups.
I developed a recipe for Reece’s Cups That Are So Big It’ll Boggle Your Damn Mind, but the Hershey company send a team of elite assassins after me to suppress it. I’ve been living on the run and off the grid for the last four years.
I’m part of that team of elite assassins, and once we geolocate dirtball’s IP address, my work of four years will be done.
I can talk to goats.
I am a goat.
I travel disguised as a goat so as to throw the elite assassins off my trail.
…
D’oh!
I taught a goat to play the ukulele. She’s since become quite famous (not for her ukulele playing). You’d recognize her name if I were at liberty to reveal it.
I am famous for teaching animals to costume as goats while playing an electric guitar (57 Gibson).
This is the first time I have posted in this thread.
I am the far and away funniest poster to the thread.
I have strong religious objections to posting in this thread.
I have thirty-seven half-siblings, all of whom are members of the SDMB. None of them but me know that we all have the same father.
MOMA New York is currently exhibiting two of my bronze sculptures: “Pigeon Roadkill” and “Odin Picking His Nose”.
I killed Charles Schulz because I was sick of Peanuts.
I stole the t out of Charles Schultz’s name in a fit of pique.
I beat Donald Trump Jr. thumb wrestling when we were both 6 years old. (Best 2 out of 3)
I never met anyone who couldn’t.
On the other hand, Goats talk to me..
And I can understand them.
Only if I tell them to!
I am the winner of this season of Food Network’s Worst Cooks in America. My secret is I’m really a Michelin 3-star chef. 
I’ve been secretly married to Madonna for the past 3 days.