I really like this girl I know. While she is very physically attractive, I am attracted to her personality more. Just to give you reference, I am 16, she is 15. She is a lot more mature than others her age. She doesn’t do drugs or drink or have sex and stuff. I guess I admire her will not to, as just about everyone else she knows does these things. Temptation is high.
I have told her how I felt about her before. I liked that she was different, all that stuff. I talk to her about every day. She is an awesome friend. I just wish we could be something more together.
Anyway, on to my main point. I was talking to one of her friends today and she said that when my friend went out last night, she got really smashed on rum and scotch.
I feel heartbroken, and I don’t know why. Maybe it was because she seemed above it all, one of the few innocent people left. But when things seem to be good, they always screw up in the worst ways for me.
I haven’t talked to her about it. Think I should? Give me advice, sympathy, friendship. I feel pretty alone right now.
Ahh, I know how you feel man. I have had several women that have turned out like you just describe. But to make you feel better, the complex sort of has a name, AFAIK it is refered to as the Madonna complex. Just watch out when you try to put a woman on a pedistal. They are human, not some paragon that is above human vices.
Most important advice? Never believe secondhand stories without confirmation from one of the principals. You do, however, have to decide if this is any of your business, and if your friend is going to consider it so. Even if it’s not true, you’re likely to come up against a “none of your business!” attitude. No teenager likes to have a nanny, even (or especially) if that nanny’s another teenager.
And if it is true, don’t make it into a federal case. Everybody f*cks up sometime, and you know how hard it is to be a teenager swimming against the stream. One fall doesn’t make a habit.
I don’t want to scare you, but this sort of attitude can metamorph into Creep Syndrome if you don’t grow out of it. In a case when nothing all that terrible happened, it is nota good idea to be so freaked out. You did not find her going down on a goat, or slapping a small child, or spreading vicious lies about a good friend. Having so much emotional energy wraped up in the idea of someone else being so good and so pure all the time is not healthy.
I am assuming that you, yourself, engage in the sort of activites that you disapprove of her getting involved in. If you don’t, ignore the rest of this. If you do, then I suspect what is happening is that you are using her as your moral proxy: “It is OK for me to do these things that I feel guilty about, because I really really admire and honor and love someone who dosen’t do these things, in fact I like her better than I like myself.” I recomend either quit doing the things you feel guilty about or quit feeling guilty about the things you do.
If you don’t do these things that you wish she hadn’t done, then I would understand your disapointment better, but I still think you are blowing the situation out of proportion (of course, blowing issues out of proportion is your god given right as a teen, I am just hoping a different perspective will make you feel better). Believe me, in 10 years the issue of wether or not someone ever got drunk will not factor into your over all opinion of whether or not they are a good person.
Believe me, I felt the same way when I was your age, and it was years and some maturing before I realized that I was a Total Creep at the time. Just a wee too Intense, if you know what I mean, and no one wants to be around someone who’s like that.
Thank god you came to the right place before you did something you will regret. At the very least, just be cool about it. Her behavior is not your responsibility, and she would probably be upset if you tried to engage into a serious conversation about it as you would be if, say, your parents tried that. (Joking about it, however, would probably not be, but you’re the best judge of what you can and cannot joke about with her.)
The doctor here recommends a dose of humor. We’re all human, which means we’re all fallible. We all screw up and some of the ways in which we do so can be very funny indeed. That may take time to see, so if you can’t get around to that point yet, and if you can’t, then just be quiet about it. You got nothing to lose by being polite.
This cracks me up.
I’ll take rum & scotch on the rocks.
Be on the look out for her to order…
One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.
Oh man sorry for making light of it but that’s my advice to you lighten up. A night of teenage drinking does not an alcoholic make. Don’t even mention it to her unless you are prepared to get an earful.
I am not freaking out. I was just kinda stunned with what happened. she still is my friend, and I am just worried about her. I have seen what drinking once in a while does to some people and how it escalates. I want to think that she can resist that. I am worried about losing her. She means so much to me as a friend.
I wouldn’t worry about it too much. If this were a pattern, or if she was doing stuff while drunk that she regretted when sober, or if there is a history of alcoholism in her immediate family, then you have cause to be concerned. If she really is as mature and strong willed as you make her out to be, then trust her to recognize her own limits and to act responsibly. Making a big deal of this now would be an over-reaction and would probably make her angry and drive her away.
You do realize, I hope, that for the vast majority of people, occasional drinking doesn’t escalate into problem drinking. In fact, there are very, very few people who have not gotten drunk on some occasion, usually in their teenage years. Young people experiment. It’s natural, and within reasonable limits, it’s healthy. Frankly, I’d be a lot more worried about a 15-year-old who never pushed the boundaries or did anything mildly rebellious.