Yeah, dogs are like hackers that force you to change your password every few days to maintain security. At the moment, we are saying “Has he had his perambulation yet?” but I’m sure he’ll crack that code soon enough.
“Has she powdered her nose?” has worked well do far.
My beagle ( dog#2) doesn’t wait for the walkies word, If I walk toward the french door or look like I might put shoes on. All hell breaks loose.
I was going to try, “You’re in charge!” on the dog when I left this morning-it would truly annoy the cats-but she was asleep on the couch, blissfully wrapped in the arms of Morpheus.
“No! You don’t want this! Dogs don’t like bacon!” (Or turkey or whatever it is they’re begging for, I assure them that no dog has ever liked that thing)
It is unfortunately difficult to be absolutely truthful with Leet the Wonder Dog[sup]TM[/sup].
What I said: “Get in the car. We are not going to the dog park - we are taking you to the vet, and he is going to give you some shots.”
What he heard: “Dog park”.
What I said at the vet’s office: “Just get on the scale. It will not hurt.”
What he heard: “The scale will hurt.”
What I said: “The doctor will give you some shots, and then it is time to go home.”
What he heard: “Time to go home.”
What I said when we got home: “See? That wasn’t so bad. Next time don’t be such a wussy dog.”
What he heard: “Treats!”
Regards,
Shodan
Me: Dinner will be just a minute.
Dog(s): Liar! (Paws my leg)
[If they would learn to tell time properly, this wouldn’t happen.]
My husky is 12. His hips are so weak that he sometimes just collapses into a heap at random times. Nevertheless, he’s going to gallop as fast as he can whenever we’re on a walk. Sometimes I literally cannot keep up with him 
The vet will probably give you about a million shots, with a very big needle.
I always told my dear departed cat Razzy that he was the stupidest cat in five counties. Actually, I never did any comparative testing in Cook County, never mind Lake, DuPage, or any of the surrounding areas.
I am required by some ‘cat’ law to tell my 2 Siamese how beautiful they are several times a day. They ARE beautiful, but sometimes I am peeved at their latest plot to drive me nuts that its hard to say so. I must do it or suffer contempt of Cat. ( the worst punishment, trust me )
My first dog knew about 70 different synonyms for “walk”. It was easy enough to avoid using any of them talking to him directly (if we wanted to take him out, we’d just do it), but he’d overhear us using any of those words to anyone else, too. We went through “walk”, “stroll”, “hike”, “perambulation”, “trek”, “constitutional”, spellings of those, you name it. Occasionally we’d slip back to an older one to see if he’d forgotten, but he never did. Perhaps fortunately, none of the dogs since then have been quite as smart.
Although, that also has its drawbacks: With Bear, he’d come up to you and say “I want, I want, I want”, and you could ask him “What do you want?”, and he’d walk over to the door, or to his food dish, or get a toy, or whatever. With the dogs since him, they’ll come up and say “I want, I want, I want”, and if you ask them what they want, they’ll say “I want, I want, I want”.
My mom’s current dog is named Brady, which is a very convenient name to sing to.
“You’re once, twice, three times a Brady”
“Hello, my Brady, hello, my puppy, hello, my ragtime dog”
“B-b-b-Brady, beautiful Brady, you’re the one that I a-a-a-adore”
I don’t recall lying to a cat, the repercussions when they discovered the deception would be…dangerous.
Telling a cat “You’re in charge”, on the other hand, would be equally dangerous.
IKR, you cannot win with cats. Oddly, they lie to me. They tell on the dogs nearly everyday.
If I give treats early, they yowl at the top decibel to say they will starve to death in 3 minutes if they don’t get another.
“You’re a big help!”
[Kenny Rogers] Brady…I’m your owner and pack leader and I love you…
“You’ve had enough treats.”
OK, not a lie but the absolute freakin’ truth.
But His Hairiness, Noir Kitty, never believes me so it might as well be.
“I’ll feed you in just a minute” becomes 45 minutes…
*“Stop staring at my at my Cheetos, dog, you’re getting too fat!”
“…what’s that? You say I’m getting too fat, too? OK buster, it’s off to the shelter for you!”*
(meanwhile, the slender cat grins in anticipation of becoming the apex household pet).
“Come in here! I’m about to make some great smells!” The cats seem to enjoy it, though.
Strange…Vaya has that same selective hearing. Though seeing her walk into her crate when I said something about jail was rather hilarious.