This past weekend, I went out of town to visit a friend. One night, his girlfrind came over to his apartment where we were hanging out, and she started talking about Buzz. They were talking about Buzz like he was a living person, and I asked who is this Buzz? My friend went back to his bedroom and brought out Buzz, explaining that he had been napping and was probably feeling a little woozy.
Buzz is a life doll, about 8 inches tall, made up of some plush fabric and filled with (I guess) some sort of shifty liquid sacks inside his limbs. The GF bought Buzz because she thought he looked exactly like my friend. When Buzz came out, she started making all these cutesie baby babble noises, like “Awwwwww Buzz is all SWEEPY! Poor BAAAAAAABY!”
I held Buzz for a little bit, all the time bearing this horrified grimace on my face. The thing flops around no matter how you hold it, and it’s like a puppet made of glop. The GF continued to make the Goo Goo noises while my friend told me “You know you’re buying into it. Admit it!” Then my friend told the GF he made his bed the other day and set Buzz on the floor and the poor little guy looked back at him all confused.
I of course couldn’t let this go by without making some sort of sick comment. I said that I had been reading this book called King Rat, and King Rat was described as having black orbed eyes that sat dead on his face. I said Buzz’s eyes looked like rats eyes. They’re these black dead bumps that just kind of sit there on his face. The GF covered Buzz’s ears with his little hands and said “NO! Don’t wisten to dat MEAN MEAN MAN! You got PWETTY BWUE EYES!” Then she took Buzz back to bed, making “poor baby” noises all the way.
I sincerely hope I never see another life doll again. Anybody else know what I’m talking about?