Life is a terminal illness.
“Life is like an ice cream cone – you’ve gotta learn to lick it!”
Charles Schulz (through one of his Peanuts characters)
And when the two are combined… HooBoy!! 
Life’s a bitch, then you die, but first, it hurts a lot.
Frank Ward O’Malley. 
Says you!
Just kidding; an initial search turned up Hubbard’s name so I went with that, but a more in-depth search says the quote is attributed to both Hubbard and O’Malley. I couldn’t find an original source for the quote.
Either way, it’s a good quote!
Life’s a toil; then you’re soil.
It’s not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over. --Edna St. Vincent Millay