Life is like EverQuest. Well, maybe not.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This thread about Kylie Minogue and shortness reminded me of a something strange about EverQuest.

(For those of you who don’t know, EverQuest is an online fantasy role-playing game, also known as EQ or EverCrack.)

I play on the Seventh Hammer server and every one of my character slots (there are 8) are filled. Each of my characters is female (as am I). I have two barbarians, an elf, a half-elf, a wood elf, a human and two dwarves.

All female player characters are well-endowed. For example, barbarians. They are largest non-monster characters in the game (along with VahShir kitty-cats) and remind me of your basic supermodel, except not as skinny. Hmmm. More accurately, they look like really tall Playboy bunnies, gigantic hooters and all. Another example, wood elves. They’re small, cute and Kate-Mossish with humongus gazongas. Elves and humans also have massive hoo-hahs and are nicely-proportioned. Elves are tall and willowy, humans are probably the closest to average.

IMHO, the least attractive female player characters are the dwarves. Don’t get me wrong, they have gargantuan melons too, but the rest of their bodies are so squatty… To me, they look like little lunchroom matrons running around with swords.

Based on the descriptions I’ve provided, you would probably guess that the majority of the flirting goes to the barbarian and/or wood elf characters. They fit the ideal that’s shoved down our (American at least) throats by the media, right?

Well, EQ is not like life. When I play my dwarven beeyotches, I can barely kill my first bad guy before I get /tell after /tell asking, Hey. How YOU doin? and Need any help? and sadly, Wanna cyber, hot mama?

Very strange. Any other EverCrack 'ho’s notice this strange phenomenon?

2

Actually, no. I played EQ for about 3 years on Bertoxxulous and Rallos Zek, starting when the game came out and quitting about a year ago. I always played female characters and can only remember perhaps 2-3 times where I got ‘unwanted attention’. Then again, I was almost always hanging out with some friend if I was actually hunting, so maybe that makes a difference.

3

No, not really, I’ve played a barbarian shaman on the Erollisi Marr server for 3 years and besides some good natured teasing in guild say, I don’t get a lot of random comments from strangers.

4

Okayfine.

Maybe it’s all in my mind.

5

No, I’ve heard some other women complain as well; it’s just that I rarely ran into it. Not entirely sure why, either.

6

Perhaps your dwarf’s name is more feminine, therefore more likely to stick out to rather strange people using /w all (or whatever the command is) for cybersex?

7

When I very briefly played Ultima Online I found the going much, MUCH easier if I played a female character. All I’d have to do is ask for help and I’d have guys falling to do my bidding. I never had the heart to tell them I wasn’t a real girl.

8

Exactly what definition of “hoo-hah” are we using here, and since when do EQ girls show 'em off?

9

Nope… It’s always male characters who actually see the dwarven shorty.

I exaggerated a bit in the OP, but my dwarven characters do get an inordinate amount of attention compared to my others.

Oh yeah… most people use hoo-hah to mean the taco of love, don’t they? Please substitute your choice of a slang term for breast.

10

Or breasts, I shoulda done said.

11

“taco of love?”

GfH, do have any idea how hard it is to clean apricot nectar off a monitor screen?

12

My main char is a dark elf chantress. Being a master of illusion, whenever I get hit on I quickly morph into an ogre or a troll. That usually stops any inappropriate behavior.

13

Lurkbaby, I live to serve.

14

Gazelle, I played EQ for 3 years on the 7th hammer server. What names did you use?

My main name was Colinn, a ranger. My Necro was Ascandar, and my BL was Jakkl. What were yours?

And also, in that game I found that using a female char has many advantages. I made a female dark elf necro and 5 mins after I hit the server I got “twinked” and “PLed” by a fellow (male) necro :slight_smile:

15

Lessee, my most-played character’s names. Coldy (barb shaman), Principezza (wood elf ranger), Schatzi (dwarven warrior), Kleine (halfling druid), and Brawna (dwarven paladin).

Colinn sounds familiar…

16

I found that my halfling cleric would get hit on a lot more than my human bard–it was strange, since I thought the bard was better looking than the little hobbit healer-girl. Maybe they just wanted buffs, though. :wink:

17

I played a female character…once.

I chose the wood elf redhead because she resembled an ex-gf. I had a little plat transferred to her and bought leather armor. BIG mistake.

I wandered too far from the wood elf city and got killed by orcs. Got the /loc, ran around to find it, and I got a tell, “Need any help milady?”

Before I got to tell this playground-stalking perv off, I saw my corpse and went to loot it. A male elf appeared before me and said, “I will make sure no one attacks you milady.” Yeah. Whatever.

After looting, I ran back to the elc tree city, and the male elf followed me. I could feel this drooling sociopath eyeing my butt as I ran. He then told me “You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.” Look, just get your stiff-paged porno magazine and leave me alone, OK?

I then sat to camp, and Romeo says, “There we are, all safe and sound.” Yeah. I bet you keep your crusty blow-up doll inflated all the time, sicko.

Yes ladies, you’re right. We men ARE pigs.