I don’t normally do this, but I can’t help myself:
(((Ascenray)))
Oh dear. They want you out. So tell them No. Get a counsellor and tell your boss that you are receiving treatment for a medical condition - and depression is one - that means that you you will not be able to meet those goals. No, you are not going to share details of the condition, but you will advise your boss if any workplace adjustment is deemed necessary.
And if they fire you, well, you were going to be fired anyway.
And take your wife out to dinner and celebrate.
I was going to go on vacation today. I called my employee assistance plan this morning and requested expedited appointment. I’m trying to get in touch with my alumni career guidance counselor. I have several dozen job openings opened on my computer. I have made several calls to people who I think like me.
I’m pushing through all things my there’s a dark cloud filling my head.
Best wishes and good luck, Ascenray. I don’t know if it helps, but there are ways to make money that didn’t exist recently – things like Uber, perhaps managing property for others in the local area (through AirBnB or something else), online work like transcription, etc. Just as a backup plan.
The way you earn money doesn’t define you as a person. Please try to maintain some optimism, as hard as it is, since optimism is, IMO, so very necessary to make good things happen.
Have gone up and down today. Talked to several people. Applied for four jobs. Some satisfaction from that but right now I feel like throwing up grin the shame and disappointment.
Big fight with wife. She thinks I haven’t done enough today. So I’m back at my desk to do more.
I think your assessment that you cannot satisfy current employer is sound. Focusing on your job hunt seems prudent.
You mentioned a union rep I think? Any help to be had from your union? Something does smell off if you’re getting above average ratings and they want to put you on a performance improvement plan.
The union can’t get involved with only a verbal warning or such “informal counseling” at stake. If they tell me that they are seeking to impose HR-managed discipline, such as an official performance improvement plan, then the union has the right to intervene.
If they decide they want to dismiss me for nonperformance, the union will fight on my behalf and my union steward said that in my case they will look into pursuing discrimination claims before the EEOC. However, if management really is determined to get rid of me, then it likely will happen. Under our contract, I would be due some degree of severance and the union would try to fight for a better settlement. But in the end, I would still likely have to find another place to work.
So sorry to read this even though I don’t know you. We’ve had terrible news today related to work too. I’m incredibly discouraged right now and don’t feel at all supported by my managers, and I’m angry. I can empathize and I hope everything works out for you. I try to believe that everything happens for a reason even though it may not seem apparent in the moment, and that ultimately good will come from bad. For what it’s worth, that what I keep telling myself.
Jesus, what kind of a dysfunctional company has an official review process and gives you gold stars on all of them, but then tells you that according to the unofficial review process you suck and you’re on double secret probation?
That’s classic dysfunction. If you really suck, then the official review should be that you suck, according to criteria X, Y and Z. X Y and Z might be complete bullshit, but if that’s what they claim to want from you and you can’t give it to them, well, then you’re officially not a good fit for the position.
What the fuck is up with “We’re going to fire you, but we’re not going to admit the real reason we’re firing you”?
And answer is, if that’s the kind of crap they’re going to put you through, even if you did somehow meet their secret criteria, they’d fire you anyway. Because they’ve already decided to fire you, and you somehow meeting their benchmarks would just be embarrassing for everyone. So you’re not going to be allowed to meet the secret benchmarks.
Lucky for me I’ve never been in a job with any security, and when I’ve been let go it’s always been “Hey, it’s not working out, layoffs, nothing we can do, the door is over there.” This whole “you can keep your job if you guess what I have in my pockets” is complete bullshit.
I agree with Lemur866. These people are fucking with you. It’s clear that nothing you do will satisfy them. They haven’t told you where the goal line is, therefore they will never tell you that you’ve crossed it. They are not worth the ulcers they are giving you.
I don’t know you, I don’t know your financial situation, and I don’t know anything about your relationship with your wife, so feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt.
But if you can swing it financially, get out of there now. You can’t effectively look for a job while you’re in this much turmoil over your current job. If you’re able to step away and make the job hunt your primary focus, you are bound to see much better results.
It’s possible that your wife is responding to your doom-and-gloom attitude more than what you’re actually doing or not doing at work. If you can convince her that you need to cut your losses and demonstrate that you have a viable plan for moving forward, you may win her support.
You are in a difficult position. I’ve been in similar situations and it is definitely not fun. But it’s not hopeless either. Please do your best to believe in yourself.
Good luck.
Saw my alumni career counselor today. I’ve known her for 20 years and she really cares. She’s trying to line up some of the many kinds of help I need.
My friend the sometime labor lawyer has a crazy theory that the union can keep this all tied up until I qualify for early retirement in three years. I’m not sure my union is that powerful. I think they can maybe buy me a few months and some degree of severance. Still, I can’t depend on that. In just a few days I’ll be trying to wow them while also job hunting.
The EAP finally got back to me but with a counselor who has no evening or weekend hours. Back to square one on that.
I’m not aware of the details, but it seems you me that you can forget about wowing them to get off double secret probation.
They don’t want you to wow them. They want to fire you, for whatever reason. So wowing them isn’t going to work. Don’t bother. I mean, do you work as best you can. But you’re not on a mission to save your job.
So stick by your work, and when they try to fire you go to your union and see what your union guy can get for you. Point to your review where you got all gold stars. Is this “informal review” even a thing according to your company? I understand that if your boss’s boss wants to fire you, your boss’s boss’s boss, or HR isn’t going to be any help in keeping your job. But you might a bit better severance if you can show that according to all the actually existing paperwork you were doing fine.
Oh, and don’t be shy about taking personal days for your job search. What are they going to do, fire you?
Ascenray, your life obviously feels like a pile-on right now. Everything hitting at once does make it even harder to move forward in a positive way, but I do think you’re doing extremely well with that, considering. Like the old saying goes, if everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. :eek:
I do have a slightly different take on your work circumstances. My mom is a human resources consultant and with the insights she has imparted over the years, I’m having a hard time coming up with a reason why your current employer would be motivated to treat you in this way. Not saying there aren’t some seriously sadistic bosses out there, but if they are genuinely interested in firing you, why wait to start the formal review process? Why not start building their case now? When unions are involved, that’s usually the practice. It may be they really are trying to give you a chance to reboot your relationship with them. Still, trust your gut on this circumstance. It’s usually right.
The question is, do you want to bother “wowing” them, or are you ready to move on? Based on what you’ve written up to now, I think it’s the latter. So perhaps you’re more done with them than they are with you, and that puts you in the driver’s seat. It also gives you more time to find another job.
I’m sorry your spouse is not able to be more supportive. Your situation is scary for her, too, as I’m sure you know.
You’re doing all the right things. Keep on keeping on, and your efforts will yield results, I feel sure. Hugs to you.
I agree with this. Do your job, the way you’ve been doing it. Take the vacation days you PLANNED to take. Take extra days if you need to. Job hunt. If they put you on a plan, get the union involved. I don’t think you can win the hidden goal post game. Let the union help you when they can. Until then, don’t drive yourself nuts trying to please someone who can’t be pleased. Maybe they have a brother-in-law who needs your job. Maybe you looked at him funny in a meeting. Who knows? He (or she) wants you gone and there’s not much you can do about it until they make it formal.
Talk to your alumni career counselor about the idea of finding a personal recruiter who works with you to find you jobs. I mentioned it up thread. She might have some ideas about how to find someone in your area. I think it would be helpful in your case. (From one introvert to another.)
Spent the last few days sending a couple of dozen applications, most of them requiring a huge pay cut. If I actually had to be unemployed, we could actually afford to live off my wife’s salary and savings, but she’s not willing to spend her savings nor cut down her savings rate. So if it goes for a few months, she’s going to sell the house, which would be a huge investment error, but I will have to abide by her decision.
Did some networking. A big shot around here actually met me for lunch on the weekend and I don’t think I repulsed him completely. I don’t know that he can do a whole lot to help me, but it doesn’t hurt to practice talking to strangers, I guess. Have started notifying friends that I’m on the hunt, and will consider changing industries.
At least I have tomorrow off. I’m not sure I’m ready to go back into the lion’s den. Have been having periods of terror. I’m really frustrated with how difficult it is to get a counselor. I saw my GP and he happily prescribed me something for depression, but I’m not sure I want to risk taking it during the next 30 days. When I have tried things like prozac or ritalin in the past, it has put me flat on my back for days.
It sounds like you’re doing the right things. I’m sorry your wife isn’t being more supportive.
I wanted to check in and see how you’ve been doing. Any updates?
Reading this prompts me to advise talking to your union rep about “constructive termination”, which is where an employer causes you to resign by creating a hostile work environment. It’s against labor laws. You might even mention it to your boss, as he will be quick to pass that up to the big cheeses. They don’t want a lawsuit, I’m sure.
Actually the key phrase I saw as “qualify for early retirement in three years”. This looks to me like the company wants to save money on pensions so wants to get rid of you now. And this could violate age discrimination laws.