**Acsenray **- Nothing much to add except I am really pulling for you. I’ve learned that, even in bleak situations, things almost always have a way of working out.
And know that for every poster here offering support, there are dozens of lurkers who are in your corner.
Best of luck,
mmm
For all those who offered their support — an update.
It’s been a rocky roller-coaster of a time, with many of my friends/colleagues jumping ship and my being terrified of being the last one without an escape route.
Some of these issues are on the cusp of resolution. I’ve been trying for two years to get into an organization I like. Unexpectedly, I found an insider ally, who advised me and made sure the right people got to know me. I applied for several openings, and reached the interview stage for four of those occasions. The first three times I narrowly missed out, making the finalists each time.
Finally, I got through. I was on vacation in Rome almost exactly a month ago when I got the call with the informal preliminary offer. On the same day, 70 of the people in my department of 200 or so were being riffed—about 50 bargaining unit members and 20-30 management personnel. They were all among the most highly experienced and more senior of the staff. Included among the management riffs was the boss I referenced in the OP, who never really liked me and was highly incompetent to boot.
After much bureaucratic red-tape, I got the formal telephone offer yesterday (e-mail to follow) and my start date. I’ll give my two-weeks’ notice on Friday. I’m scheduled to be on medical leave most of next week, and I have a long pre-approved holiday for all of Thanksgiving week, so I have about six days of actual work time left at my current workplace (they can’t rescind my already approved paid holiday).
Points:
My company is clearly headed for a crash-landing. Word is that there will be no further layoffs during the holiday season. That almost certainly means that more layoffs to follow. I’d be surprised if the parent company lets this company keep going for another two years—maximum five—in its current incarnation. The end is nigh.
During the reorganization, a new unit was created, and yesterday, mere hours before I got the call with the formal offer, the leaders of the new unit recruited me to shift over—if I had to stay, I would take it, so I said yes. But I haven’t made a formal application—now I won’t have to. I’ll just tell them when I give notice next Friday.
While I have been trying to get into the new organization, the last of my close colleagues in my long-time unit has also—coincidentally—been in the process of getting into the same organization. He was hoping we could give notice together, but the bureaucracy put his process in motion three or four weeks faster than mine. We won’t be in the same unit at the new organization, but I’ll have a lunch buddy built in, one who is excited to have me join.
I won’t have to take a significant pay cut for my minor shift in job tracks, which I can been afraid of.
So, once again, thank you all.
Excellent news!
Congrats!
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I was just wondering how things were going for you. So glad to hear things are better.
I ended up quitting my job back in February when the boss got abusive towards me. 
It’s been a bit rough, but I’m not sorry. Life is a big scary roller coaster!
Best of luck with your new position.
Thanks, guys. There have been some very dark times in the past two years. I’m certain that some of my health problems are attributable to the stress. But things are looking up.
Wonderful news! Congratulations!
I love happy endings!
I love it when people come back to old threads with updates - especially good ones, like this. Yay Acsenray!
Great news Ascenray :).
I haven’t followed the entire thread closely. Just a comment from my own experience:
It does happen sometimes that a job (or a part of that job) is just no good, and can’t continue. Once that fact has become absolutely clear, regardless of why, then you suddenly have an option, one that just a moment earlier you didn’t have. That new option is “Just Fucking Change Something”. Any major change that has a positive or useful type of vibe to it, and that isn’t blatantly harmful to yourself or those you love, is fair game.
Most such changes take a great deal of energy to accomplish, but being in trouble takes a hell of a lot of energy as well, and the energy might as well go into something good.
This is such great news. I missed this thread first time around - it’s just shocking how much a bad situation at work can totally damage your mental and physical health, and how quickly that can be alleviated by changing jobs.
Most of us will be there at some points in our working lives. I’ve walked away from two jobs that were dragging me into an abyss. I don’t think it’s too much of an exaggeration to say that it can feel like being in an abusive relationship - terrifying to stay and the terrifying unknown if you leave (will I work again?).
Experience tells me it’s always better to leave.
Congrats and good luck - things are about to get much better for you
Agreed completely. Think of it this way: I’ve given notice more than once, being one of those lucky people who can find a new job real easy. And the immense majority of my Evil Bosses have come up with “but, but, but… you can’t do this to me!” - which is such a typical bad-SO reaction! I even had a boss who used “look what you made me do” after thoroughly screwing up one of my coworkers :smack:
I’m so glad thing are looking up, Acsenray.
I just looked back through the thread. I had forgotten how much detail I had given you guys and I had forgotten that I started this post well before that horrible annual review.
Looking back through all the supportive comments again really touched me. Seriously, a sincere thanks to you all.
Some things I hadn’t updated you with:
I did eventually find a counselor who I’ve been seeing once or twice a month for the last year-and-a-half or so. It has helped, although I don’t know that I have gotten any specific, applicable advice from her.
She’s kind of a funny, new-age type (she rents space in a chiropractor’s office that also has aromatherapists and stuff like that), and that sometimes annoys me when she says something scientifically dubious, but I’m really just there for the chat and support.
My wife was very happy when I found her, because she hoped I could be “fixed.” I’m not sure this has met my wife’s expectations. I think she’s slightly jealous of the doc and asked that now I have a job, maybe I don’t need her any more. HA
My wife is happy and relieved, by the way, and is planning to take me clothes-shopping for my new job. My current company has no dress code, so I have business suits and I have denims-and-polos, but nothing in between.
My 2018 annual review—one year after my original post—was strangely normal. It was just my direct boss. He was warm and appreciative, and gave me just about the same kind of official review that I had gotten the year before (average or above-average), and some advice and encouragement.
My conclusion was that his boss (now riffed) was just fucking with me for either personal reasons or to impress her superiors and she was done with it for the time being.
And then he quit within the week. Both he had his wife, who had been at the company for decades. Apparently, their financial situation was so good they could afford to “retire” in their early 40s. He’s now building a house from scratch with his dad at his property near the mountains. Just the two of them. I immediately signed him up as a professional reference for my résumé
Since then it’s been a series of people leaving, and if they’re replaced, it’s with younger, shinier, less experienced people.
The union is filing an age-discrimination grievance against the company for the riffs. Our three-year contract ends this year so renegotiation will start in the new year. But the membership rate is less than 30 percent (right-to-work state, so no mandatory membership) so their bargaining position is very weak.
I’ve spent the last year making sure my close colleagues/friends are signed up dues-paying members. I’ve gotten cards from about six people and my union thinks I’m some kind of wizard.
The union expects the company is going to target elimination of (1) the 37.5-hour work week and go for salaried status for the whole company, (2) mandatory severance for riffs (four weeks per year of service), which probably slowed down their riffing, (3) a bunch of other things that once made this company one of the best employers around. They might even go for de-certification soon, given the low membership rate.
Other than this board, there are a lot of people I owe big thank-yous to, for being supportive, offering advice, and working behind the scenes on my behalf. Among them:
A. My Cousin the Banker — he’s a VP at a big bank and he’s kind of a management guru. He sat with me on multiple occasions in person and on the phone to talk to me about how to prepare for interviews and what to say. He spent several hours interviewing me and pulling out the “stories” that I should be crafting into interview answers. Really good guy.
B. The Insider — at one point I had put in an application for a job as a long shot. I called this guy on a work matter and out of the blue he said “Hey, I have your application on my desk and I want to talk with you about it.” So I met with him and he basically said “I think we need someone with your skills and experience in this organization.” So he kept me abreast of job postings, and told me “definitely apply for X, because even though you’re not likely to get it, you’ll be in front of people I want you to meet.” He actually left the organization about six months ago, but from my point of view, he basically set up the pins for me to knock down.
C. My References — a lot of my professional contacts who agreed to vouch for me, and when they could, put in a good word to people I know. I haven’t made a full list but there’s a couple dozen probably. I don’t know that any one of them made any key contribution, but they were supportive and gave an effort.
D. My Networking Contacts — many of them didn’t do a whole lot, but at the very least were willing to spend 30-60 minutes with me on the phone or over coffee giving me advice. They did what they could, and I’m grateful to that.
E. My Career Counselor from school
F. My Mental Health Counselor
G. My Spouse —as you have seen from this thread, she has often failed to be as supportive as would have been ideal, but she has done a lot, according to her own strengths and abilities, and all of this has been very stressful to her too.
I’d like to do something nice for all these people individually, but given my transitory phase, I don’t have a ton of money to spend.
These are my ideas, but I’m not sure what the timing should be. I don’t really want to spread the news until after my start date, but I also want folks to hear directly from me, not through the grapevine.
I. I’m going to order a nice set of blank cards and send all of them (at least A, B, C, and E) handwritten notes. (I’m an amateur calligrapher). I haven’t yet made a full list of D, so I don’t know how many of them there are.
II. I’ll definitely send everyone an e-mail message
III. I’d like to do something nice in particular for A and B, above, especially A. They’re both quite well off financially, so I don’t think there’s anything I can get them that they don’t have already or can’t afford.
I’ll offer to take them to dinner, but I’m wondering if there’s additionally something else special I could do or get that’s unique. If I ask them, “what would you like,” they’re going to say nothing, just have a coffee with me or something.
IV. I’d also like to express special gratitude to E, maybe flowers?
V. Okay, then, there’s a special case.
One of my long-time advisers and references (let’s call her “H”) was once the top dog at the new organization. For many years since her retirement she eagerly took my calls and met up for chats about our shared professional realm, although we never had a coffee or a meal together—she was always very busy with her own social and professional commitments. I would always update her on my interviews, etc.
At some point in the past year, she stopped responding to my calls and e-mails. She’s been dealing with serious health problems since her retirement, but I’ve asked around other people who know her and she is still meeting people for meals and such, although maybe not as much. So I know she’s not on her deathbed.
I’m afraid I did something to annoy or offend her, or she’s just decided that given her limited time left on earth, I’m not one of the people she can afford to entertain. I do value her advice and time over the years, and whatever her feelings about me now, I’d like to let her know directly of my job situation. Is it okay for me to send a note and flowers, for example, being aware that she’s avoiding me for whatever reason?
Thanks again, everyone!
My wife hoped I would get fixed by counsellors too.
Ex-wife.
Those two statements turned out to be directly related, and it wasn’t by my choice that they turned out that way. Someone wanting you fixed is not good news, and I hope that for you, this particular problem comes to a better resolution than it did for me.
There’s no point, however, in denying that a loved one wanting you fixed is a problem. It most certainly is - no way around that.
Well, congrats, Acsenray! I’m glad that your difficult road took you to a good place at last!
I missed this thread on its previous go-arounds, and when I clicked on a thread titled “Life is not good right now” directly from the front page, not even knowing who the OP was, I was prepared to offer whatever words of consolation and hope I could. But it looks like I’m here just in time for popping the bubbly!
My suggestion for presents for A and B is something you can make yourself. After all, they’re in higher income brackets than you; the likelihood that you can buy them something special is slim. You’ve mentioned your calligraphy. Maybe if you know of an author they like, or a favorite song or musical artist of theirs, you can do your calligraphic (if that’s the word) magic on a good quote by that author or artist, and create something suitable to be framed. That’s one possibility, anyway.
This thread is now 1.5 years old, and as of late seems to be headed in a positive direction for the OP. But this post caught my attention, and made me want to share this link, which seems highly relevant here:
Err, I think you may have revealed another possible reason beyond just ordinary dislike for your boss’s boss to have been giving you shit…
No, I didn’t start doing any of that until about six months ago. So that can’t have been a cause.
In fact it was the other way around. Their treatment inspired me to become active in the union.