While Titian was mixing rose madder,
His model reclined on a ladder.
Her position to Titian
Suggested coition,
So he went up the ladder and had 'er.
The young things who frequent picture palaces
Have no need for such psychoanalyses.
And though Dr. Freud
Would be very annoyed,
They still cling to their long-standing fallacies.
I have just made this up and am proud of it:
A Catholic virgin from Tuam,
Let me stick it within her bazoom,
And her mouth, and her ear,
And her arse; but I fear
I shall never get close to her womb.
Excellent, but change Tuam to Khartoum for better scansion/rhyme.
“Masturbation,” said the good Doctor Freud,
“Is a very good thing to avoid.
If practiced each day
Your balls will decay
To the size of a small adenoid.”
There once was a man from Brewster
Who said to his wife as he goosed her:
“That used to be grand,
But just look at my hand -
You ain’t wiping as clean as you used to.”
A young catholic man from Peru
was vainly attempting to screw;
his wife said “Jaime,
If you keep on this way,
The Messiah will come before you.”
That would fuck the scansion completely up, though. “Kartoum” has one too many syllables. Pluss, Tuam is in Ireland, which is part of the joke. (Tuam has one syllable and is pronounced “Tyoom”.)
A suggestion from good user, “Oy!”,
With a rhyme he would see **jjimm **employ.
But **jjimm **said with a chide,
“Your correction’s denied,
For your word is too hard to deploy.”
Hmm, I pronounce Khartoum as karTOOM (perhaps incorrectly. :eek:). I think you can use an unaccented syllable there. Didn’t know Tuam was in Ireland, though, or that it was pronounced Tyoom.
Actually, I’d probably have said “A Catholic girl from Khartoum” so that the pattern would go:
a CATH-o-lic GIRL from kar-TOOM
or di-DAH-di-di-DAH-di-di-DOOM
but that may not have been what you were going for.
Sorry, I regretted even mentioning it five minutes after I made that post, and now I’ve utterly run it into the ground. Nevermind. :smack:
Good one, Dragwyr. 
That definitely scans, but you’re unlikely to find many Catholic girls in Khartoum - hence my choosing an Irish town. Y’see. 
Uh, maybe its being unusual in Khartoum is what makes it worth mentioning she’s Catholic?
Other than that, I got nuthin’.
Actually, my scansion was based on pronouncing “Catholic” as “CATH-uh-lick” - is that the same where you are?
(The whole thing is based on a friend of mine from Dublin who went to bed with a guy and complained the next day “He kept trying to have sex with me! I gave him a blow job to shut him up but it didn’t work.”)
As I showed in post #27, yes.
It’s a clever limerick.
:smack:
There once was a young man from Halls
Who had hope, one day, to lick his balls
His father said “Son,
Be sure when you’re done.
Don’t clean up with your mother’s shawls.”
I don’t like the last line but it’s the best I could do.
What began as a nicely perverse
discussion of quite filthy verse
became banal banter
regarding pentameter
This thread’s dead - someone bring in the hearse!
There once was a man from Chanute
Who had warts all over his root
He poured acid on these
And now when he pees
He fingers himself like a flute
I just hate to burst the small bubble you
Live in, but here is the trouble: you
See this thread still lives
And note that it gives
Some fun. Fuck (for NSFW).
::applause::
Just to be snarky I’ll say there’s one too many syllables in the third line: “See this thread lives” would work better… 
Not if you put the emphasis on “this”.
Oh, and thank you very much.
Courtesy of John Valby :
There once was a milkman named Schwartz
Whose dick was all covered with warts
The girls would all play
With his dick anyway
‘Cause good ol’ Schwartz came in quarts.
A man once went in for some tests,
For his fixation on womenfolk’s chests
Nurses started to pry,
“Please Sir, tell us why?”
But he answered quite simply, “Mmmmm, Breasts”