Oh, I can play her role:
I wish people without colanders or people who only have old colanders would stop talking. I was in the same room with a colander once. I know a lot about this.
I hope that annoying person over there has a horrible miscolander and her spaghetti goes all over the floor.
Because of my parents’ connections, I’m going to be part owner of a colander factory. You people were just too lazy to have the right parents.