I went to a party of a good friend of mine on Saturday. It wasn’t a large gathering, only about 8-9 people, all college friends, and we drank a bit and played some word games, until my friend, hostess, said she was tired and left to take a shower- this was around 1am. While she showered, those of us who were left sort of wound the party down, I did all the dishes, we cleaned up, and everyone got ready to leave. On a whim, because I thought it would be amusing, I wrote “redrum” on one of her windows in lipstick. We all left shortly thereafter and I forgot about it.
Today, I found out through another friend, that she discovered the redrum the next day and was very upset about it. She considered it vandalism and a huge symbol of disrespect of her apartment and that she scrubbed at it for 15 minutes and can’t get it off the window, that she feels violated that someone rifled through her drawers to find lipstick, and that she never wants to host another party again.
Now, I feel horrible that she reacted so badly to it, but I can’t imagine that I’d ever have such a reaction. To me, it was something silly and stupid, and I feel like she’s making a big deal out of nothing- especially since we all cleaned up after ourselves and even washed two loads of dishes before we left. Of course I’m going to admit to it, apologize, and clean her window for her, but I can’t help but roll my eyes over this reaction of hers. I don’t know why this necessitates begging for forgiveness. Were someone to write something on a mirror or my window in lipstick, and I found it later, I’d probably be relatively amused, scrub it off, and inquire about it the next day. I definitely wouldn’t feel violated, disrespected, or vandalized.
Please give me some perspective? Would this bother you?
I find what you did to be juvenile. If one of my friend’s did that I’d make him or her hustle their ass to my house to clean it up but I wouldn’t flip out about it and I certainly wouldn’t end my party hosting days.
But I would wonder why in the hell they thought it would be funny to fuck with my stuff. My friends and I will play silly and harmless practical jokes on each other but I wouldn’t deface anyone’s property.
scr4, she doesn’t wear lipstick or other makeup, so she has a large mainly-unused tube collecting dust in her left top drawer. I know this, and didn’t rifle through anything, but I suppose I was the only one at the party who would know where it was and that she doesn’t care about it, so if she didn’t know it was me, she would assume that someone A) disregarded her makeup and B) looked through her stuff to find it.
I’m not sure I’d call it vandalism. It’s just the type of thing that, at a party, it would never occur to me to do. I’d be pretty wary of doing it myself, too…it doesn’t seem SO horrible. Just kind of rude/tacky. I’m not sure I know anyone who would do that either…
In my opinion, she’s overreacting, but some people feel very strongly about their home and what happens to it. An apology and an offer to clean whatever residue is left is about as far as I’d go.
I’d be both annoyed and amused, and I’m a decent enough housekeeper to figure out how to clean the window in about 3 minutes*, so I don’t think it’s anything I’d end a friendship over. And never throw a party again? Come on. OTOH, maybe you’re best off knowing who the humorless hysterics are.
ETA: But yeah, apologize, if you want to salvage the friendship. An honest, “I’m so sorry I caused you stress, it was meant to be amusing, and I now understand that it wasn’t, at all.”
*Formula 409, Simple Green, Orange oil or dishwashing detergent, in that order. Degreaser, basically.
She may also have been annoyed that none of you picked up on the hostess saying “I’m tired - I’m going to take a shower” at 1 AM was a hint that the party was over and everyone should get going.
That was when we left, but we cleaned up first. I’m sure she’d rather we clean while she’s in the shower than decamp immediately and leave the place a mess.
I wouldn’t flip out about it and end my party hosting days but I might be just a bit pissed - lipstick is a bitch to get off of things. The moisturizers and waxes tend to make it just smear around instead of coming off the glass.
However, I do wear makeup and if you used one of my lipsticks for that stunt I would have you hunted down like the dog you are
I agree with the others that she’s overreacting with the vandalism and the no-more-parties, but admit I would be sad about the lipstick too. I very, very rarely wear makeup, but I do have some around for the odd time I feel like prettying up a bit. I don’t buy fancy makeup, just the drug store kind, but even that (to me) is ridiculously expensive, and very difficult to find in a shade I like. If someone wrecked my one precious tube of $12.99 Bourbon Raisin or whatever the hell, I’d be kind of annoyed.
If it was a party I hosted with people I didn’t know all that well, yeah, I’d be annoyed. First, because lipstick is expensive and writing on glass messes up the tip; second, because of the going through my things issue. (although I wouldn’t have any problem removing it) Also, if I wasn’t sure who left the message, the creepiness of the message would bother me.
You say she’s a good friend, you need to fess up to it and explain that it was a joke. It’ll bother her less if it was someone close to her than the idea of somebody she doesn’t know well was digging through her drawers.
I did’t read the detail about her not being able to get it off–that would be very obnoxious. Plus, I guess if she felt like she went to the effort of hosting an event and this is what happens…
On the plus side, you didn’t lift 20 dollars from her change jar and try to pass it off as a joke.
