I’m back at my summer job- assistant counselor at the camp petting zoo. It’s been an exhausting week, but the kids are adorable.
The Bosslady has a whole spiel outlining the rules, why we have rules, why those specific rules, etc. Since it’s the first week, she’s repeated the whole thing for every single bunk that’s come to visit.
When she tells the kids not to run, she doesn’t tell them not to run. She asks them, “Do you think you should run around the room?” “No!” “Should you… jump up and down?” “No!” “Should you… [something completely ridiculous]?” “No! giggle”
And every few bunks, there’s the one kid who hears the ridiculous thing, scrunches up their face in earnest confusion, and starts to ask how, exactly, one would swing from the ceiling or juggle watermelons with one’s feet in the first place. It’s hysterical to watch.
And speaking of hysterical, here’s (roughly) a conversation that the youngest group had with the Bosslady (who, for the record, is probably in her late thirties or early forties):
Kids: How old are you?
Bosslady: I’m a million billion trillion years old.
Kids: No you aren’t, that’s not a real number.
Bosslady: I’m one thousand and eighty-seven years old.
Kids: That’s a real number, but you’re not wrinkly enough to be that old.
Bosslady: How old do you think I am?
Kids: Eighty? Sixty?
Recently, at CostCo, a mother next me handed the receipt to her young son, aged approximately 5. She earnestly explained that it was very important and that he needed to keep and hand it to the lady at the door. She would look at it before they could leave. Could he do that? “Yes”
I had a brief moment to think, “well, she’s either got her kid very well trained or she’s in for a big surprise,” before he pivoted and marched to the trash can. He carefully dropped it in. He knew exactly what to do with receipts!
Some kids were egging on one of the counselors to kiss the ball python. Bosslady told them, bad idea. I added, “Yeah, once I kissed a python and I turned into a frog.” A kid comes over to me…
Kid: Was that true?
Me: Was what true?
Kid: That you kissed a snake and turned into a frog.
Me: Do I look like a frog?
Kid: Yes.
:eek:
The other day I was out on the patio when a neighbor walked by with his little girl. The father mumbled something that I couldn’t overhear, to which the daughter replied: “You’re not that ugly, Dad!”
We eat brunch at a local restaurant most Saturdays with my daughter and 2 year old grandson. At this establishment one takes the bill to the front and pay at the register. When we are ready to leave I hand my grandson the bill and my debit card. We walk up front and I lift him onto the counter at the register. He hands the cashier the bill. When she says the amount due he hands over the debit card. She swipes it and hands it back to him, he gives it to me. I then sign the merchant copy of the receipt and he “signs” the customer copy. I lift him down from the counter and he takes the “signed” receipt to my wife.
A well oiled machine, we are. And cute as a button, both of us.
I was at a Barnes & Noble browsing the magazines when a toddler came wandering by. She would pick up a book, say “nah but dat don”, set it back in place, take a few steps, pick up another book, say “nah but dat don”, set it back, repeated multiple times.
Before I could figure out what she was saying her mother appeared out of nowhere, saw her daughter holding a magazine and told her “Now put that down”.
A friend was standing in line when the adorable 5-year-old girl in front of him bumped him and apologized. He said, “That’s okay, princess”.
Wide-eyed girl turned to her father and stage whispered, “Daddy, how did he know I’m a princess?”
When my daughter was two, she asked me how old I was. I told her “five.” So when people would ask her her age, she would reply “I’m two and Daddy is five.”
Boy: You look old. (I say nothing) Why do you look so old?
Me: Because I am old
Boy: How old are you?
Boy’s Father: Evan! We don’t ask questions like that.
Me: Evan, how old are you?
Evan: Three
Me: How old do you think I am?
Evan thinks a minute: FIVE!
Me: Right, Evan, I’m five.
When a child is carrying a toy, I always ring it, then put it in a little bag and hand the bag to them. Then I ring up the rest of the items, put them in a bag and hand it to their caretaker. After doing this, one little guy said “Mom. Did you see that? She put my toy in a bag and handed it to me and I didn’t even have to ask her to do that. How cool is that?”
Yesterday, when I wasn’t at work, one of the youngest kids started asking Bosslady where her daughter was. Bosslady, confused, said, “She’s with the rest of her bunk,” while wondering how these pre-K kids knew her second-grade daughter. “No, your other daughter!”
Finally, one of the other kids clarified: “Your daughter, Malleus. Where is she?”
(Well, I’d be honored to have Bosslady as a mother. Though she’s not too thrilled about the idea, seeing as she’s only five years older than me).
I wanted to keep the kids from looking at something, but I couldn’t think of anything to do. I sarcastically muttered, “Look, a distraction!” while pointing in the opposite direction. The kids heard me, and two out of three of them went trotting down thataway to see.
And on the not-so-funny side, on Monday a kid asked me, “Is the snake female or regular?”
I got home early from work last Friday. 9-year old daughter comes running up to me… “Daddyyyyy!” (Big hug) “You’re home early, have you been fired?”
My partner is a child-minder, so I have loads of stories.
One morning I was asked to look after a 4 year old girl, who had only just started coming to us, for ten minutes or so while my partner visited the bathroom.
This little girl starts asking me some strange questions:
Girl: “What’s your name?”
Me: “[Mrs Dave.B] just told you, my name’s Dave”
Girl: “What’s your mummy’s name?”
Me: …OK… “My mummy is called Sue”
Girl: “Where do you live?”
Me (baffled): “I live here with [Mrs Dave.B]”
Girl: “Where does your mummy work?”
It went on like this for a bit. I didn’t mind in the slightest as it was funny, but it was only an hour or so later after I had driven to work that I realised that this little girl thought my partner was child-minding me too!
