I’ve been thinking about this lately, since my mother and I are going to be moving to an apartment with less expensive rent.
Mom and I have shared an apartment for most of the time that we’ve lived in Vegas, mostly because apartment rents out here are so outrageous that neither of us could afford to live here without the other. Aside form some occasional nagging about keeping my bedroom clean, it’s working quite well. We get along great, and since moving to this town we’ve both had some employment-related ups and downs. So, when she’s been out of work, I’ve covered the rent and household expenses, and when I’ve been unemployed, she’s covered it. Result, neither of us has been homeless.
Last year, when I was forced to quit work because of severe back problems (still with me but thankfully the pain has gotten down to a level that enables me to function fairly well) she supported me while I went to school for massage therapy. For the last several months, while I was working as a craps dealer and now am starting off in my new career, I’ve been pulling my share of the load again, plus providing her with extra spending money (mom is a world-class thrift-store shopper, and when we go out for dinner or to see a movie, we dress like royalty in silks and designer clothes, often purchased on sale for a dollar at Saver’s)
Are there any others out there who are living with their parents or family members, for financial reasons (on both sides of the equation- i.e., Mom wouldn’t be able to keep the family home without your kicking in, and you wouldn’t be able to afford your own place), personal preference, or to make the care of a sick or disabled relative easier, and how’s it working out for you?
Well, I don’t know if I’m living at home or “living at home”, but I’ll be very happy to get out of it; I just got my masters’ degree last May and the job search hasn’t gone so well. Originally the idea was that I’d move back in with my parents while I was in grad school (I’d lived in another state for undergrad) until I got the degree, but the job market has made moving out impossible. It’s okay; we get along just fine, and I’m glad to see them all the time, but I really, really, really can’t wait till I get my own place.
The second I get a full time job, I start house hunting.
For the last 16 years or so, my mother-in-law has been living with us. She and the father-in-law had technically separated, without legally separating. It was pretty darned cramped in our house for awhile back then. About 800 sq.ft. house, 3 adults and 1 brand new baby. On the plus side, built-in day care, which allowed the wife and I to both work, so we moved to a larger house after about 3 years. (As soon as we could afford it).
Then, things changed. The father-in-law got sick. And even though he and his wife were, um,er, still having anger management issues toward each other, he came to live with us too. I think he stayed with us for about 5 years, and to her credit the m-i-law took good care of him until he fell down a small set of steps, bumped his head and died. That was about two years ago.
Meanwhile, the m-i-law is starting to have issues with dementia. She is still usually functional even now, but there are issues. She can get quite paranoid. She also likes to “help around the house”, which means that I often can’t find my mail (to pay bills) , the clean and dirty dishes get mixed together, things are not put where they should be, that sort of thing. Minor irritations, but when it happens every single day… it sometimes gets blown out of proportion. Don’t know if she has Alzheimers or not, but on the Alz.org site about stages, I’d say she is about a stage 5 now. And she was probably a stage 3 even back when the father-in-law first moved in with us.
I’ve had two -big- issues with the m-i-law living with us. They’ll seem minor (I know I know) but dang it, they bother me. The issues are:
I can’t walk around my own house in my underwear.
The m-i-law gets too easily upset, really upset, when the wife and I or the kid and I have a verbal argument. We don’t get to be real people that yell at eachother sometimes. Where’s the freakin release?
Hi Opal (I’m new to the boards, but I understand this to be a requirement?)
Thought of something else. But this is probably a cultural thing mixed in with a parental thing.
Even though the wife and I are paying all the bills for the house and its upkeep etc etc., the relatives of the mom-in-law (including the wife’s sibs) and the relatives of the father-in-law when he was still alive… will come to visit the m-i-law or f-i-law without calling ahead of time. Just ring the bell (or hell, some will WALK IN without knocking if the door is open). I mean, it’s nice and all that they’ve come to visit mom or dad or their aunt, sister, brother, whatever… but it’s MY FREAKIN HOUSE! It’s not their house. Call first. :mad: