“Liza Minnelli Marries Cajun Man and Dr. Matrix and . . .”

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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New York [AP] — In keeping with her lifelong goal of marrying every gay man on the North American continent, effusive footnote Liza Minnelli was wed in a mass ceremony today to gay Dopers Cajun Man, Dr. Matrix, Matt, Gobear and Esprix, at New York’s Church of Oh, Mary, Don’t Ask.

“I just know I’ll be as happy with my new husbands as I was with Rock Hudson, Robert Mapplethorpe and Truman Capote,” the bride gushed. She was attended by bridesmaids Elizabeth Taylor, Cher, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Tammy Faye Baker, and the mummified corpse of Marilyn Monroe. The bride’s gown was, to no one’s surprise, designed by Bob Mackie; pianist Michael Feinstein played “The [Off Her] Trolley Song” as the bride walked down the aisle, supported by Best Man Michael Jackson (who arrived at, and left, the ceremony with ring bearer Emmanuel Lewis).

The happy bridal company plans to honeymoon at Betty Ford East, in Provincetown, Mass.

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I was there in my best suit. And did they notice? Noooo.

Sigh. What’s a girl gotta do to get noticed by AP? Actually… nevermind.

3

OxyMoron and I are apparently too butch to make the cut. We won’t be taking it personally, though. There’s always next time.

4

Truman Capote was gay?

But, but, he acted so macho.

5

Not to worry, GrandfatherTrout. From what I hear, Liza has just beat Oakland for the summer draft picks.

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Eh, like mother, like daughter.

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I’m reduced to marrying women?

:frowning:

Esprix

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I didn’t even get an invitation! :mad:

See if I send that tacky bitch a Cristmas card this year!

sigh

Well, congratulations everyone, I guess. I give it six months.

9

Coulda been worse. The backup tape could’ve filled up 11 days earlier. Then all proof that supports the first part of your sig would’ve been so much dust.

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Esprix’s post has me confused. Did Liza marry Cajun Man, DrMatrix, Mat, gobear and Esprix to herself or each other?

I was thinking Ms. Minnelli got herself one of those internet clerical colars and married the guys to each other in a Sun Young Moonie sorta way.

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oh no, she married them all, that kooky polygamist.

I was reduced to tears when Mat said, in a sobby voice,“I do”

The reception, however, was fabulous!

The Rockettes were there even.

In keeping with my good taste, I gave them each a hobo clown figurine. I do hope you like them.

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So, what does Aaron Neville have to say about all this?

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I couldn’t have made this up if I tried:

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I saw a segment on her wedding the other day. Talk about tacky. Sheesh.

Ostentatious much?

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Hey, give me a break! I just got all the invitations addressed and in the mail today.

Virtually yours,

DrMatrix - bitch, well . . . maybe, but tacky never!

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I’m not gay enough to be considered as a bridegroom? Humph!

“I’ve writ-ten a let-ter to Dad-dy
To Dad-dy in heav-en a-bove…”

“my Mother - a common waitress!”

“Surrender Dorothy”

“M: Well I can’t just call out Butler. It might be somebody’s name.
G: You have a point. An idiotic point, but a point”"

“my mother says if you puts a knife under the bed it cuts the pain in half…”

“I’m goin’ back
Where I can be me,
To the Bonjour Tristesse
Brassiere Company
(send me mah mail there!)”

“Kinda makes you want to rush out and buy a slide rule, doesn’t it?”

Well?

Eve, it is a delight to see your name on a thread again, YOU HAVE BEEN MISSED. However, it seems safe to come out again now.

Hope to see lots more from you, and to hear about the deaths of people we’d almost forgotten we knew about.

Redboss

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I’m so sorry Liza and I overlooked you, Redboss—you have indeed proven yourself to be the very pineapple of nelliness and I’m sure that you’ll be included in Liza’s NEXT wedding ceremony, in a year or so.

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Band Name!

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Yeah, and you can use it to make really fruity drinks.