Man, that’s a sad set of posts, I’ve been there, and it’s not a good place to be. I’ve been the jerk, jealous of her other friends, jealous of her boyfriend, angry at her and at myself for us not being together. She was everything I wanted and couldn’t have.
Things got bad before they got better, Lobsang hasn’t hit rock bottom yet, mostly because she is still tolerating his obsession. In my case, she was too uncomfortable with how I was acting (even though I don’t think I was quite as bad as Lobsang) and cut off contact herself. Eventually, I got into a better place, and was actually able to be her friend, let her date and be happy for her, and get on with my own separate love life. I hope Lobsang can get to that place, because he is in a bad place right now.
Lobsang, I feel for you. You’re in a shitty situation and it sucks. But you have much more power to change things than you think you do. I hope you eventually realize that, even if you need help to get to that conclusion, and I hope you can be happy again.
And, incidentally, I’m also noticing a very strong “drunk” theme through most of your posts about this girl. That can’t possibly be helping the situation at all. You’re just going to make yourself much more depressed, in the long run, if you try to numb things with drinking.
Y’know, this whole thing started out with Lobsang looking like a sadsack guy suffering through unrequited love of a friend; rather a touching tale. But the post from 12/23 changed my view of him from sympathetic guy to seriously creepy and, frankly, scary guy.
What someone not delusional would call “flirting.”
Call me melodramatic, but I don’t buy this story. It’s almost as if Lobsang is trying to create a situation where “protecting” his ladylove becomes necessary.
And this “letch” is supposed to be the bad guy here?
Scarier and scarier. Now Lobsang utters the mantra of stalkers everywhere: “if I can’t be with her, don’t want anyone else to have her.” And he considers himself the judge of who’s good enough for this chick – presumably, no one other than Lobsang will do. (Note that this ex he mentions only became a “decent enough bloke” once he was no longer a rival; while he was seeing The Woman, he was a “git” and “bastard,” according to Lobsang.
{shudder} Reminds me of that TV movie with techno dweeb Richard Thomas pining after colleague Brooke Shields … which ended with Thomas’s character shooting up his entire workplace.
I agree that he has problems, but this part isn’t true. He said the guy was okay even when he was still going out with the girl. The calling him a git wasn’t a serious appraisal of his character.
I read somewhere that women are far more likely to die from a workplace homicide than mishap. Here’s hoping Lobsang’s not like the ex-boyfriend I worked w/ at age 18 who cornered me in a small room and tore the phone cord out of the wall, laughing while I screamed my head off and no one came to help me. (Though they did look down the hallway at us arguing and walk away.) This guy was sober, what would I have had to deal w/ if he’d been drunk and even more uninhibited?? This girl Lobsang works w/ may be bringing some trouble on herself she’s unaware of w/ the tricks she’s getting up to.
I don’t think we need to muddy the waters with worrying about Lobsang hurting the woman he is obsessed with. I think the more germane point here, and the point of this pitting, is that you are going down a bad path, Lobsang, and if us piling on you here will help you to wake up and start fixing your problem, that’s what I’m here for, not to hurt your feelings or make you feel worse.
I don’t know you either, but from what I’ve seen of your posts here, you’re not a bad guy, and I would like for you to find a better way to live. Please, think over this pitting, and ask yourself honestly if you like where you are and what you’re doing, and if you don’t, what you can do to fix it.
I would also like to point out that there are any number of male Dopers here who have had their hearts ripped out by women, and are not behaving like this at all - Johnny L.A., Inigo Montoya, Quicksilver, and Happy Scrappy Hero Pup come to mind. You’re not the first guy who’s been unlucky in love, Lobsang.
She is no doubt an attractive woman. She is likely totally accustomed to men falling for her. Somewhere along the line she figured out how to play all of her wannabes at one time, using them to her advantage. She pulls you close then pushes away. It’s a game. She doesn’t want you, but doesn’t know when you might be useful to her, so she keeps you just hopeful enough to not walk away.
There has been an outpouring of honesty here, Lobsang . It’s not meant to hurt you - truly - what would there be to gain for any of us? It’s one of those dreaded wake up calls. Give up the fantasy and focus your energies elsewhere.
Step away from the game playing little bitch and look for a real woman. She won’t be as alluring perhaps, but the relationship will be far more rewarding.
Not to mention it’s completely unethical to have anything other than a professional relationship with one’s patients, at least as far as psychs go. If his father is counseling him, he’s violating every ethic standard there is.
Do we know she’s manipulative though? Read the “women turn men into bastards” thread. First it seemed like she sent the text message. Then, not so much. Then, (I think) she just wrote the message and Lobsang sent the text message AND got in a yelling match with the other dude. Maybe she’s a manipulative bitch, maybe not, but I think some things are getting mixed up in the telling.
No. That’s what’s weird. Sex doesn’t seem to play a factor at all. It’s LOVE LOVE LOVE. Not that it’d be much better if all his posts were “I wanna get with this girl so bad!” and daydreaming about doing her, but it would be less weird than this. It’s less a obnoxious horny teenager and more a grade-school girl with stalker tendancies.
I’ve been half following Lobsang’s little saga starting, I think, with the " I want your opinions on never being more than friends with someone you think you love" thread (mainly because had a relatively recent experience with that very topic). I was sympathetic at first, but I ended up less so over time as I read more of his posts.
I hope Lobsang reads this pit thread and takes what has been said to heart. I don’t want to think ill of anyone, and I hold out hope that Lobsang isn’t as bad as my worst fears, but the fact remains that he’s been acting like an A-1 ass IRL, apparently.
I think he needs to spend some time in self-reflection.
You know what me feel better?
A whore. A cheap one at that too…
I’m not the sort that normally does that kink of thing, but in my case, it worked wonders. I was even able to take a look at myself from outside the box and actually be able to say (What the fuck was I thinking messing with that bitch?!?!)
*i’m talking about the heart stomping woman NOT the whore.