According to some figures I saw from the CDC (and I could possibly look them up again if necessary), in the US in 2002 for all age groups, accidental injury accounted for the top non-medical cause of death in women. Homicide was significantly lower.
Lobsang is being very creepy-stalker like, and he should go get help. Remember, Lobsang, restraining orders are not love notes.
Self-esteem is a gift you give yourself. Or was that Percocet? No, no, self-esteem.
You’re riding a roller coaster because your moods and motivations are voluntarily tied up in whether or not this girl is kind to you on a day to day basis. The ride gets a bit wild and dizzying from time to time, especially combined with alcohol. That’s why things always seem so much larger than life, so “surreal” to you.
The roller coaster, unfortunately, is not Real Life. You’ve got Real Life on hold while you ride the roller coaster, which is why you’re engaging in more and more risky behaviour: to avoid the letdown once you have to get off.
There are two ways you can get off: 1) voluntarily, which people have been describing to you as “getting a pair,” or 2) involuntarily, which people have been describing to you as “ending badly.” At this point your personal Disney is burning down, so don’t take too long to decide.
Oh! And make sure that your identity here isn’t “accidentally” exposed. You’ll have to take my word for it and just trust me, but this would move the whole thing into the “ending badly” category.
and now I’ll shut up because my avg. # of posts is going through the ROOF, I tell you
Maybe not. I was once in a sort of similar situation with Lobsang, and I told myself and others it was LOVE LOVE LOVE, but in hindsight I think I also just wanted to fuck her. Either way it’s not entirely about sex, it takes more than wanting to nail someone to become emotionally dependent on them I think, but I bet wanting to nail her is more a part of it than he might admit.
We’ve secretly replaced Lobsang’s testicles with marshmallows. Let’s watch what happens!
S’mores? :eek:
Lobsang’s a chick!? You wanted to fuck her!?
Brilliant!
We didn’t replace them with Guiness…
I don’t think it’s constructive to call Lobsang “creepy,” “stalkerish,” and the like. It seems to me that he’s just a normal guy with some problems to work out. And even if you disagree with that, more accusations are only going to cause him to tune out the good advice he is receiving.
Hmmm.
I’ve been following this a little and read up following this Pit Thread.
Lobsang: Yes, they’re right. She’s just not that into you. Give up and move on. Find a girl who adores you. Way more fun and less pain and hassle.
OP and lot of other people in thread: Sure, it isn’t that bad either. I mean, I recognise A LOT of this. I have obsessed about guys (in my case it was men not women) who just weren’t interested, getting confused by “mixed messages”, clinging to vain hope and being in heaven everytime they said something nice and then down in the dumps everytime they as much as spoke to anyone female. It’s not clever behaviour and it’s very smart to break that kind of thinking pattern but I really don’t see how anything Lobsang did was stalking. He’s just verbalising what is in his head.
As for the therapy suggestions. This tendency (more common in the US but seen elsewhere to) to run to a therapist for anything and everything is IMO an unconstructive, self-obsessed and idiotic trend. That’s a different Pit thread maybe. Suffice to say I can’t see that Lobsang would need to do that at all.
What Lobsang would get out of seeing a good therapist is some coping tools on how to take control of his own thoughts and life. From what I’ve seen of his posts on the Dope, he believes that he can’t control his reactions to this situation, and that simply isn’t true - he just hasn’t learned how yet.
Lobsang isn’t going to listen to anyone. I’ve got a friend just like him and, in fact, thought for a while that maybe this was my friend posting.
The fact is, guys like this just need to be hit hard by reality. Nothing anyone (not even “the girl”) says is going to make any bit of difference to him. As long as she’s not tired of having him fawn over her, she’ll keep acting just nice enough to keep him around and to keep him doing things for her.
As I’ve seen with my friend, there are only two ways out of this. 1: Girl gets tired of my friend and cuts off contact, moves away, refuses to see him, etc. 2: Well…I was gonna say that something really drastic happens to make him realize he’s been insane, but that hasn’t ever happened so far.
My friend doesn’t actually wanna be rescued from his girl. He thinks something good will happen eventually and can’t take the chance of leaving her and getting over his little puppy love obsession. Same with Lobsang. He’s gonna take everything nice this girl does as a sign that she wants to be with him when all she really means is that she just likes having a servant, a fall guy, a puppet, a toy, etc.
So, I know you’re ignoring everyone’s advice now, Lobsang, but after the situation with this girl has been resolved and you’re over her, read back through here and remember this: it’s ok to make a mistake, but please, for the love of Og, don’t let it happen again when you know better.
It’s really torture having to watch people put themselves through things like this. 
IMHO Lobsang is being neither creepy nor stalkerish; he’s ignorant. I’m sure he’ll learn.
Glares at Case Sensitive.
Lobsang, are you reading this thread? If so, think about this: Say that this girl one day did say she’d go out with you. Do you really think your relationship would go well? I don’t have any experience here, so if I’m wrong someone can go ahead and say so, but I have a lot of doubts that the relationship would work out. There’s too much baggage.
I think Seren has it right - I don’t think anything we say here is making the slightest impact on Lobsang, except maybe to confirm his martyr status. Any time in the past that I’ve voiced an opinion that he probably didn’t care for, it got soundly ignored. He hasn’t shown up to this thread yet, and I will be surprised if he does.
Perhaps not, but with all the posters this thread is drawing in a visit from the Verucca Gnome is increasingly likely.
I’ve actually had a few invectives thrown at me by dear ole Lobsang (among other Dopers) that I took personally in the sense that I tried to rethink my position on whatever the hell I was babbling about.
The list has just been cut by one.
This sounds akin to my suicide threats when I was 14 because a girl wouldn’t date me. (Of course, they weren’t sincere. Just attention getters.)
I don’t have any mean thoughts or wishes for him, but I really hope he wakes up someday and realizes that he’s being manipulated. And more importantly, I hope he realizes this scenario isn’t normal and he doesn’t have to buy into it. In short, I hope he becomes a man. Lobsang, I know it’s politically incorrect among many to assert masculinity, but it’s as much your right to do so as any other group. Be a man. Understand that asserting yourself and being a man doesn’t equal woman-beating. You’re allowed to be every bit as independant as your love.
I was once told by a co-worker, while dating a woman like this, that there are two kinds of men that date women that won’t commit.
There are “Suits” and there are “Tools”.
A Suit is a guy that knows he’s there for fun and there will be no commitment. The Suit is usually the guy a woman goes to when she’s pissed at her SO and wants to somehow get even with him. The suit is in it for the very short-term and is likely one of the biggest perpetuators of her anger. What does he care? He gets all the fun and doesn’t have to worry about what happens next week. Maybe she’s there, maybe not. And if not, there’s always another woman looking for a Suit.
The Tool is the guy that listens to her complaining about the SO. It’s easy to fall into this trap. (Trust me, I know). She gets to bitch about whatever is happening in her life and is happy to have someone to listen to it. You think she’s opening up to you and building some kind of bond/trust with you. She’s just happy that since her girlfriends are tired of listening to it that she has a new, fresh audience. It helps her in hearing another man tell her how well he’d treat her. It restores her faith in men. Meanwhile you’re shooting yourself in the foot because you’re just cementing her idea (in most cases) that men are simply lost puppies that just need a second chance after shitting on the living room carpet. And to be fair to our fairer Dopers, that’s true. 
So it somes down to this. Are you a tool?
Au contraire: Sometimes he GETS THE GIRL; that’ll show him how deluded he’s been. (NOTE: That is not going to happen in this case.)
But, just hypothetically, if Lobsang were to get the girl, the infatuation (because that’s clearly what it is, pure idealization) would evaporate the very first time he went into the bathroom right after she’d taken a big, stinking dump in there.
He’s been on the boards since this thread was posted, and has yet to show up. Hopefully because he’s finally taking everyone’s suggestions to heart, but more likely because he’s shoring up for a flame-out of the highest order. I’d personally be okay with either one at this point.
This has to be the nicest pitting I’ve ever seen; all these uber-helpful folks coming in to show support and empathy. Fie on you, I say! Where’s my invective, my creative cursing, my 98-point color fonts questioning his manhood? :dubious: Besides, folks have been uber-helpful and empathetic to him in his past threads, and we’re still… here. I want bloodshed, dammit! 