Long, long and boring. Self-pity aplenty.

So here’s my story…

I was in love, it was real love, Brittney was her name and she was beautiful, smart, funny and everything I had ever wanted. You may be thinking “dumb teenage love”, but it wasn’t; it was real. I had never wanted to be like my peers who were out there having sex with people who they barely knew, I wanted to not exactly settle down, but have a long, stable relationship and fall in love, maybe it wouldn’t be real love, and I’d discover that later, but what would matter is that I’d believe I was in love at that time. I’d never really had a real relationship, hell, I’d never even kissed anyone before I met Brittney, I was fifteen at the time, and she became my friend. I was fifteen, nearly sixteen when I realised I loved her, really loved her, I would have died for her.

She had a boyfriend already, she had been with him for just over a year. She actually left him for me. Those six months were blissful, I loved every second I spent with her. Then, she introduced me to Cari. Cari was a friend of a friend, eighteen years old and not beautiful, but cute, with a great personality. I spent more and more time with Cari, Brittney was jealous, but I didn’t notice, in my head I was doing nothing wrong as I was still spending time with Brittney. Nothing wrong with having female friends, right? Well, I realised I was beginning to like her as more than a friend, and me being stupid, I carried on and began to entertain thoughts that she felt like that for me, which were thoughts she entertained herself, apparently. This was four months after meeting her, I all but broke up with Brittney, and began seeing Cari. Now, Brittney had mentioned John before, in relation to Cari, in the back of my head I knew she (Cari) was seeing him, but I just ignored it, gradually lost touch with Brittney and pretended it wasn’t real. I, being the jealous and possessive person I am eventually (two months later) brought it up, and she admitted it. She showed a lot of remorse, told me she never meant to hurt me, that she loved me as a friend and that she was a “two-faced bitch.” I told her she wasn’t, it was partly my fault, too. Which it was. Then she left for the night after telling me she hoped we could still be friends, because I was “like a brother” to her.

For the whole time I was with Cari, I had pretty much managed to push Brittney out of my head, but whenever I thought of her I realised I loved her and wanted her back. We had talked once, maybe a week before all this happened, and she had told me about Garrett, a guy she thought she liked. I put on my best face and tried not to show my hurt, I guess I did it well because she didn’t seem to notice anything. After Cari had left I sent an email to Brittney, asking her if we could talk… during which I planned I could tell her how I felt and how I didn’t expect her to welcome me back with open arms, I didn’t expect her to even want to talk to me ever again, but I had to tell her.

All that brings me to today, I haven’t heard a reply from Brittney and I’m planning on telling Cari that I can’t be friends with her, because it really would be too painful for me to see her, I am, I admit it, infatuated with her, it wasn’t love. I expect Brittney will reply soon, and for now I’m sat here, with a thumping headache and my fantasy that Brittney will realise she still loves me as I love her and we will be together again. Long shot I know, but until I hear from her, that’s what is happening in my head.

I don’t expect sympathy from any of you, I realise it was all my fault, and I don’t deserve to be with Brittney. I just, had to clear my head, typing it out has helped me and I thank the Straight Dope for being here for me to release my thoughts to. You can dismiss this as silly teenagers, but I know it isn’t, which is exactly the response that would be expected from a silly teenager, but I’m not here to convince you, I’m not here for your sympathy, and I’m not here for advice. All I’m here for is to ‘vent,’ I guess. Thanks.

Well…welcome to the boards I guess. Pretty intense for your first post.

No matter how this plays out just remember you’re young and entitled to screwing up a few relationships. Learn your lessons and apply them to the future. Good luck.

Thanks, Darkhold, I’m usually quite a happy person, this has just been dragging me down for a while now, typing it out like that has alleviated it somewhat. I’ve been reading the boards for a while and sometimes I forget that no-one actually knows me despite the fact I know so much about them from their posts :slight_smile:

heh and what do you know about me? :stuck_out_tongue: I swear I feel invisible on these boards 95% of the time.

I know the feeling of ‘knowing’ people before your first post though. I was a lurker when a big time member was banned and I got to read the some of the most expressive posts (in terms of lines in the sand and pure rage on both sides of the issue) and was always a little leery when one of them replied to me in my first few posts.