I haven’t been here long, but I figure I may as well get some use out of the Pit, 'cuz it’s definitely where I belong after my last relationship. The details? Strange enough to baffle a marriage counsellor.
I should warn anyone even thinking about reading this that it’s really dumb. Entirely unexciting and very, very boring. I’m more or less just venting at myself. Still, feel free to enter and explore the stupidity of my life…
Way back in late January, I met a girl. The most amazing girl in the history of the world, I thought. We’re both young and we hit it off instantly, went on our first date a few days later, and moved on to some pretty make out sessions soon after. I found out a bit later that she seriously thought I was her soulmate at this point.
Strike One.
Two weeks after we meet, we’re having breakfast and she suddenly bursts into tears, seemingly without reason. Turns out that she thinks we’re going too fast and doesn’t want to ruin our relationship, because “nothing this good ever happens to [her].”
Strike Two.
Still, I felt the same way (about moving too fast) and we decide to slow things down. I’m wary about the sanity of the girl but the helper mentality inside won’t let me quit, and I’m still transfixed. Not long after, on Valentine’s Day, she confesses that she feels uncomfortable when I touch her. Strike Three.
The best explanation? What we had was simple infatuation, and neither of us wanted to acknowledge that our interest was fading. Or, she could just be crazy. We keep dating for another two weeks, and then at her prompting, I call things quits. Everything seems to be good and we slowly start to become friends over the month of March.
When April rolls around, she’s suddenly all over me. We have several deep conversations about our relationship and her fears of commitment. She says everything except that she wants to get back together. At this point, I’m having feelings for her again, despite my better judgement. Of course, just when I decide to ask her out, she explains that she doesn’t want a relationship. She wants to be just friends for now and see where it goes.
Strike Four.
With May, we go our separate ways to work for the summer, but keep in close contact. We exchange a lot of very long, very deep e-mails, two or three a day. She confesses that talking to me is the best part of her day. I’m just about convinced that she wants to be more than friends again when the e-mails suddenly stop coming and her whole demeanor changes. Again.
Strike Five.
To make a long story slightly less long, the cycle keeps up for the next few months. It starts off with her showing attraction or affection or raised interest in me. At first, I tried to ignore it, knowing it was just part of the cycle. But, after a few days, it wore me down and I hoped for something more. Just as she went back to the Just Friends attitude.
What’s stranger is that it wasn’t just me misinterpreting her actions. Everyone around us agreed that she was making overtures of attraction, then suddenly withdrawing them.
Finally taking a stand, I cut off all communication in July. When we finally started talking again, I’ve got my emotions in check and when she rolls out the flirting, I’m proud to be unaffected. But I’m still interested in being friends, and over the next month, we keep up contact, but it slowly dwindles.
I just asked what she wanted from our relationship. Are we still friends? Apparently we’re “lapsed friends” and we could be more, but it would be very “weird and awkward.” Of course, from my perspective, this all seems like now that she can’t control me, she doesn’t want anything to do with me.
So I’m walking away from the whole thing. And kicking myself for not doing it a long time ago. I wasted seven months on a woman I knew was bad news almost from the start. Why did I do this to myself? :wally
