So, I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a month and a half. There were issues–he’s not as affectionate with me as I would like–but most all the time it was really great. He’s just a great guy and we have so much in common and I really, really like him.
Last night I got really fed up. I was having a really hard time figuring out whether he really felt the same way towards me as I felt towards him so I did a really dumb thing. I left, just walked out of his apartment saying I was leaving because I couldn’t tell if he wanted me there. Why I didn’t just ask, I have no idea. Would have been the smart thing to do.
Tonight I called him to apologize, got voicemail, left a quick “I’m sorry, please call me” message. He called back and we talked and it ended up with him deciding to decide whether we should remain together as boyfriend and girlfriend, or just be friends. He’s gonna get back to me tomorrow. It sounds like a line “Let’s just be friends,” but I know that he would really want to hang out in a friendship capacity. Problem is, I don’t know if I could do it–how can I just turn off all my feelings like that?
Anyway, so now I’m in relationship limbo and it sucks. And it’s my fault. He is so awesome, and except for the communication of affection bit, we’re really good together and compatible. Why the hell should I have to throw away a great guy and a fun relationship just because of a stupid problem with communication? This just sucks big time.
Friend of mine was in a situation like this earlier this year, turns out her boyfriend was cheating on her but…
Hopefully, all will turn out good for you.
`Brilharma
Sounds like you’re not getting what you need from the relationship. Perhaps it’s better that it ends.
Sounds like you’re not getting what you need, but it also sounds like you’re both kinda playing games with each other. Walking out on your part, letting you dangle on his (hey, that sounded dirty. Sorry about that…). I figure it’s best if you keep in mind what -you- want and not be afraid to express it. Games just make it a lot harder.
Communiation is no small promblem. The three cornerstones to a solid relationship are communication, commitment, and compromise.
After a month and a half, there isn’t much to communicate about except affection. Something sounds off kilter. Don’t kick yourself. Maybe it was for the best. If he is making a big deal out of this, sounds like you would always be walking on eggshells around him not to upset him. Not a fun situation to my way of thinking.
Yeah, I think if you’re already having these kinds of problems a month and a half into the relationship, you might be better off not in it at all. Usually, 1 and a half months in is still considered the “honeymoon period” and everything should be just peachy. You have another few months before issues like this should even come up.
And communication is by far, the most important part of a relationship. If you can’t communicate with each other, you’re screwed.
My point is, if you’re fighting this early in the relationship you should step back and assess if it’s really one you want to be in. Do it now before you become any more emotionally invested.
Good luck.
You guys are probably right, but it’s just so hard to see “It’s all for the best” when the wound’s still fresh. Oh well, I’ll survive to (hopefully) get my heart broken again. Let’s just hope the pre-broken heart part lasts a little longer. 
Communication is one of those things that doesn’t really seem to be very important in the beginning, yet becomes very important as the relationship moves along. After awhile it becomes crucial that you tell your mate that his/her little quicks drive you up the fucking wall, and for them to do the same. Think of communication as the relief valve of the relationship. Unless you vent, you’ll blow.
That’s an awesome way of putting it, World Eater. And so very true.
LittleBird, consider yourself lucky that you’re discovering these things in the beginning. I finally realized that my X really didn’t give two shits about what I wanted or needed two years into the relationship. It’s only been a month, so I know how you’re feeling.
LittleBird, do you mind if we ask how old you are? That way we can also tell you “don’t worry you are young, you’ll find the right person”.
*agreeing with World Eater *
I just ended a year relationship today for communication issues …or lack of …I killed myself thinking that she’ll open up , she is trying as hard as she can …blah blah…the fact is when it comes down to love nothing matters except your heart …when it comes to a relationship needs matter …if they are not there …they likely will not ever be …
you may not believe it but you ARE saving yourself alot of unnessary BS …your the most important person in any relationship …
I’m only 22, so yeah, I’m young. And yeah, I’ll find someone new…etc. But he was the first decent guy I found in 2 years. I think that has a bit to do with my overall poo-like feeling. I really don’t want another 2 years of dealing with crap.
Anyway–you guys are right. Totally right. In a while, I’ll feel better.
yeah very true, a good quote to remember is ‘all good things come to those who wait’
I just have to agree with everything that World Eater said.
I’ve started spending more time with my SO. Serious time. As in, staying at his house for consecutive weekday days when he has to work, and I have to go to my internship. In other words, living with him. And it’s hard, because it involves adjusting to an entirely different set of quirks, and NOT spending every moment together in the same room touching and snuggling–cause, otherwise, the dishes would NEVER get done–and otherwise living our lives. If we didn’t communicate–and, sometimes, because neither one of us is perfect, things go unsaid–things would just blow up.
So, yeah. Very important, and I had to second it.
Ok, in current events:
We are now just friends. It’s ok, I’ll take him any way I can get him. Thanks for all the support and stuff, I’ll be cool.