If you must contact her, then do it by letter or email. That way you can tell her what you need to tell her, and that’s it.
Why?
Your desire to do even this, is more about you, than her. I agree with elbows, sort your own crap out and leave her be.
Yes, e-mail is best. Don’t do a letter, that’s awfully formal for this. Just write a quick e-mail, and it’s probably not best to go apologizing in the first letter.
The way I did it, is I went on my ex’s blog, and posted a comment (Like Hi! It’s me - just happened across your website, your kids look lovely! Write me if you ever feel like it), with my e-mail addy.
Then, when he wrote back, I wrote my apology.
“Listen, I wanted to tell you, I have always felt terribly about the way I treated you way back when. I was childish and immature and hope you can forgive me on those grounds.”
Then, I was surprised to find he also wanted to apologize to me!
but my story also tells you the possible pitfalls of such a contact. We contacted each other for a while, and it slowly became clear he wanted to meet. He stalked my livejournal account, and kept asking if I was happy, etc., and even complaining about his wife a bit. I stepped very carefully and when I found out he had googled variations of my username and found some writings of mine online that I had never linked him to, and moreover, was asking questions, I became cautious and cut off contact.
In retrospect it was clear what he was trying to do. So, STEP CAREFULLY.
What was the bad thing? I’d contact her, shoot the shit, why ever not? Really it would have been best to have done so at the wedding.
A friend recently had a drink with an old schoolmate she’d had a crush on, but unfortuately for her she reverted to her 14 year old self, blushing and stumbling over her words!!
How do you know she wasn’t looking at you and thinking “What was I thinking?” and smiling to herself?
Every smile or glance from someone you used to be involved with does not mean “I waited for you all these years” or “I never got over you”.
Well… Its hard to describe and easy to c and feel… The way she gard. Sometimes gazed and looked down. Suddenly turn her head Away when i caught her looking at me… only to look back. Its just the way she behaved, looked and smiled.
Thanks to all for valuable contributions especially to Anaamika. I guess i have to go back to thinkingbox and ponder the situation a bit more
In the mean time you are welcome to further advise me
“All life is an expirement. The more you make the better.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Give it a shot.
So you should always do everything?
My gut feeling is that nothing good can come of you contacting her.
If your motives are truly that you simply want to apologize, then discuss the matter with your wife and keep her informed of your every action concerning this. This will keep you honest and maybe keep you out of trouble.
Laina_f: Would you please elaborate what do you mean nothing can comeof me?
Thanks
There are some rather strange things in your description of what you know about her that make me suspicious of your motives. You say that you never saw her between the point that you broke up in your senior year in high school and the point that you saw her at this wedding. You say that you tried and failed later to look her up in order to apologize to her. First of all, how could you actually be unable to look her up again? Did she and her family move away and tell no one where they were going?
Furthermore, you say that you learned at the wedding that she is now a doctor, that she never married, and that she never dated anyone else, although you didn’t talk to her. How could you have learned all those things? I can more or less accept that someone else at the wedding might casually have told you that she was a doctor and was still single, but how could you conceivably have learned that she never dated anyone else? When does anyone ever admit such a thing except very privately to a good friend? Why would anyone spontaneously tell anyone else such a thing about someone they haven’t seen for 22 years? Also, if someone voluntarily hasn’t dated in 22 years, doesn’t that give you a clue that there’s something wrong? I can of course accept that someone is just so homely that they have problems finding anyone to date them, but you seem to be claiming that she has sworn off dating because she misses you. Is that what you’re saying?
This sounds like the sort of information that someone who desperately wanted to know about a long-lost love that they still pine for would try to force out of someone else who knows her better. If you just wanted to catch up with old times, why didn’t you talk to her at the wedding? I presume that your wife was also at the wedding. Why didn’t you bring your wife over with you to talk with this woman? You could have introduced her to your wife as your high school girlfriend. The three of you could have laughed about old times. Instead you and the old girlfriend frequently exchanged glances. What was the point of that?
You better figure out what you want from your life. You seem to think that re-connecting with this woman will somehow greatly improve your life. It won’t. At best, it will be a single E-mail message in which you say hello and maybe admit that you weren’t very polite to her as you broke up. If it continues beyond that, she will probably very soon decide that you are an annoying jerk and will tell you to quit bothering her. What do you think will happen? Do you think you will start an affair just a distraction from your boring marriage but nothing permanent will come of it? Do you think that you will leave your wife and hook up permanently with this woman? What are you trying to do?
Option 1: She’s forgotten you, or hates you, or doesn’t react to you at all, or laughs in a really annoying way, or has some bizarre belief system or in some other way has a reaction that destroys your memories of those days. 78%
Option 2: She’s never stopped loving you, and will crawl back through the tiniest crack in your life to destroy your family and boil your rabbit. Please note that having an MD does not mean that she is not crazy. 10%
Option 3: You think you realize that you should have been with her all the time, and you destroy your family to run off with this woman. 5 years later you realize that you’re an idiot. 10% (5% you stay together, 5% you split up)
Option 4: A few wistful discussions, a new friend on Facebook. 2%
My guess is; the ego stroking of still being attractive to this woman, trumps any sense of fidelity to wife and children, in the end. Won’t examine too closely what could happen, because then he won’t be able to say, ‘It just happened!’, as his excuse. His ego wants to see her dance for his attentions, doesn’t really care if she gets hurt again, in the end. My guess; this is all about your ego, come down to it. (Just my opinion, don’t take it too seriously!)
100%
This is the very definition of “mid-life crisis.” Contact her and it can only end badly for everybody. Very, very badly.
Go join Hair Club For Men and buy a sports car instead. That way the only person you make a fool of is yourself.
Oh my god you folks really do know o analyse in depth… is it coming from own experience? 
anyway thanks. reasin why I know who she is and where she is that. She and her sis are close friends of my cousin ( who married) and they know we went to school together. My cousins mother happend to update about her. And yes it is not that we did not greet eachothe. yes we did briefely ( and yes also my wife greeted her)
And hey guys i do not have mid-life crises and no boring life ( not yet at least)
So thanks and keep the advice pouring in.
Greetings
Why?
I mean, seriously, why do you need more opinions? Many people have given opinions on your situation, and you seem averse to following their advice, from what I can tell. Are you waiting for someone to say the thing that you’ve already decided on?
Yup. I’m not buying that you just want to email her. You’ve dialed it down from your first posts, which sounded like you wanted WAY more than that. You want permission to see/sleep with her. Frankly, you sound like a pig for even talking like this.
Don’t be an IDIOT and risk damaging your own family. Your wife knows you’re conflicted-count on it.
I think the title says it all “Long long love.” It seems the OP is still in love. A love he feels he lost a long time ago.
If he was just interested in how to go about apologizing to an ex-girlfriend that he was rude to, he would have phrased it something like, “Should I apologize to my high school ex or let it go?”
Let sleeping dogs lie. And I don’t believe that you just want to apologize, either.
That ship has sailed. Let it go. Take your wife out on a date.