As you might guess from looking at my information I am mostly a lurker, but I am looking for some anonymous opinions.
I am happily married for almost 18 years. Recently, I was trolling about the social media and I came across the home page of a former girlfriend. I looked at the information and especially her photo. She still is as beautiful as ever and I am a bit taken aback by how many old emotions have been stirred up from a relationship that I terminated more than twenty years ago.
Do you have any comments? I will check back to this post to answer questions if you have them. I have ruled out contacting my old flame or doing anything to stir up old passions. But my heart really pounded for a few moments there when I first saw her again.
Destroy your life if you want to. But first, ask yourself the question: If she is soo wonderful, so appealing, if she can provide everything that you lack in your life; why is she on the internet instead of taken by the love of her life?
Dreams are just dreams. Learning to be happy with the bounty you have is a wisdom that comes with time.
And **Oakminster **is a wise man. Not always, I’m not sure I even remember the last time, but it happens. In this case you should just read his post over and over until you get it.
I agree with the Devil’s Grandmother and with Oakminster. It’s normal, but it’s not a good idea to dwell on it. We do tend to idealize certain parts of our lost youth.
ghardester, though I agree with your post for the most part, the first thing that came to mind when Labor mentioned her page was Facebook. Everyone and his pet has a page there, people aren’t necessarily neglecting the love of their life or trolling for action.
Oakminster, ghardester, MoodIndigo1. Thanks, just the slap in the face I was hoping to get. During my evening run I remembered that I broke up with her for a reason, and although she still looks great my wife looks better!
I’m counting my blessings and not going to do anything rash.
Seeing a picture of your old flame takes you right back emotionally to that time of your life. You have to remember, that was THEN. The past.
You cannot pick up where you left off, if you reconnect. It’s water under the bridge, let sleeping dogs lie, the road less taken, etc. Stop looking.
While I agree here to let it go, I had to comment on this. There are a lot of valid reasons why she is not with “the love of her life” and not one of them take away her wonderfulness.
It sounds like you are fooling yourself. If you were really happily married, you wouldn’t have given your old flame a second thought. Since your old passions were not quieted by the supposed love for your wife, they must be stronger.
Follow your heart. Contact your old flame and arrange a time and place to meet. Life is too short to not follow your heart.
Just a few days ago someone I knew in High School contacted me - telling me he “always had feelings for me” and wanted to reconnect.
Sorry, dude. Those feelings you have been carrying around for twenty years now are for a girl who no longer exists. I am not the same person and whatever feelings has been held for twenty years have been done so in fantasy situation.
Time to move on; be grateful for what you have and not what you may have lost.
I heard from my old high school sweetheart on Facebook a few months ago. We wrote to each other a few times to catch up on our lives. At one point he mentioned getting together just to show me some stuff he’d been working on and I said, is that okay with your wife. He replied, of course it’s not okay with my wife. When are you free? That really freaked me out; we haven’t contacted each other since. What’s really freaking me out is now I keep thinking about him and wondering how things would have been if we’d stayed together and how much I really loved him back then. I’m missing him all over again.
But I know myself. The bottom line is I’m not immoral enough to mess around with a married man.
Reading this thread made me think about someone I haven’t dated for over 15 years. She must be about 50 now, I wonder if she still looks good. So I looked her up on Facebook.
She looks fantastic. She looks like she’s in her 20s, she’s gotten even prettier, and it would seem that she’s now Asian.
I will never stop loving my High School Sweetheart. I often dream that someday, in some way I can’t foresee he will find himself honorably free, and contact me. even if I just had the chance to tell him how i feel it would be wonderful.
But if he contacted me with unfaithful intentions, while he’s still married to the woman who gave him two beautiful children, I would be enormously disappointed. His integrity is the primary thing I loved about him; and if he did that I would love him less, maybe even not at all.
Bolding mine - and truer words will not be found in this thread. About 10 years ago, my first boyfriend tracked me down via Classmates and a little clever detective work, and got his email to me. We’ve communicated on and off over this last decade. And yes, my husband knows about it - sometimes he reads the IMs over my shoulder.
But I’m no longer the 19-y/o away from home for the first time. And he’s not the smooth-talker he was. I’ve gotten just a wee bit more cynical, and he’s gotten religion. So, yeah, the us of 1973 no longer exists. Plus he just divorced wife #4… I expect if we did meet again (not likely due to geography) it would be awkward and just a little weird.
