Your right. As of now she don’t give a fuck. but thats not to say she has never wanted an older sister and COULD care. Right now the way I see it…She doesn’t have a choice. The choice should be her’s to make. And no. not only for myself, but for the rest of our family as well that has suffered due to our sperm donors fuck ups.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around the “she could be 1-3 years younger than me” and then a few hours later “I know she’s 18”. Sounds like a scam
No. Im no scam artists. I wish i was nearly that intelligent, although I am no where near being stupid. I stated i wasn’t the only one looking and someone came across information about her age that I had been waiting on.
(bolding mine)
Do you honestly not see how you’re simply making this decision FOR her? Not to mention overruling her mother, who is, after all, her mother and therefore in charge of her.
If it matters so much to you that she’s your blood, then it should matter to you for the same reason what her own blood wants for her own child.
…and actually knows her, and actually has her best interest at heart, most likely.
You have no idea who this girl is or what she’s going through. Perhaps she’s not mentally stable, and suddenly being contacted by a sister she doesn’t know may make her question her whole life in a really negative way, making her run away and start doing drugs or worse, kill herself. Perhaps not, but the point is…you don’t know. You don’t know her. Her mother does. If anyone should be making the choice for her, shouldn’t it be the person who actually *knows *her?
Back. The Fuck. Off.
I am NOT making the decision for her. By providing her with the truth will allow her to choose herself whether she wants to have anything to do with me or not. If she doesn’t I will NOT force the issue, but her not knowing the TRUTH does not give her the option to choose what she wants.
The suspicious part comes from the fact that it happened so quickly in a matter of hours.
Why is it so important to you that you contact her rightthisveryminute?
After some discussion, the staff has decided to remove some of the identifying information from this thread for the sake of the sister’s privacy. The OP is entitled to look for her sister, but isn’t entitled to violate her privacy on this message board. Quoting from the Registration Agreement:
“Please remember that postings on this board are visible to anyone with access to the Internet, and are retained in a database indefinitely. In addition, the SDMB is open to third-party search engines (“spiders”). Please do not post personal revelations or other information that may come back to haunt you. In particular, do not post your telephone number or address.”
Yes, you are. You’re making the decision for her mother (who it sounds like you do not know personally) and for your sister, who is a 17-year-old high school student. You’re proposing that you confront her with some very difficult facts that she may not want to know and which you have no way to know how she will deal with. You have no idea what effect it’ll have on her life, and it sounds like you don’t care. Have you ever considered the possibility that your biological father was abusive, and that maybe your sister’s mother wants to stay the hell away from him and make sure he doesn’t know where they are? You splashed her name and a bunch of information about her life in front of strangers on the internet. You didn’t need to post any of that information to have the discussion about the right way to handle this. Maybe you were hoping someone here would find a way for you to get in touch with her directly. That’s invasive of her privacy, and so is trying to get strangers to help you reach her.
I’m sorry you’re in this position, but it sounds to me like you’re feeling lonely and that’s the basis for your actions. You want a friend and a sister, but forcing your way into this family’s life is not the right thing to do. You don’t know if your sister knows she is adopted. You don’t know if she hopes she has a sister. She’s an idea in your head and you’re trying to make her into something you want or need. This isn’t the right time and it’s not the right reason to do this. Listen to someone else.
You cannot possibly know her needs, she is a complete stranger to you. And what you are doing is not for her- it is clearly, for all to see, for you.
Her mother has gone to extreme lengths, getting the father to sign off, finding a decent husband, having the child adopted, building a happy family for her, to protect her from the very sperm donor you claim so badly ‘fucked up’. And along come syou with your issues, certain you know what someone else, a total stranger, barely an adult, needs.
Several years from now, you will look back and realize that you are forcing a relationship. And thereby ruining any chance of getting what you claim to seek.
I smell a restraining order, in your future, which you will righteously deserve, in my opinion.
So much this.
I think you need to tell this girl’s mom that since she is over 18, you are intent on contacting her. You will give mom the chance to try and explain the situation, for the benefit of her daughter. If mom chooses to not respond to you, that is her choice, but you need to be an adult about this and not so impetuous.
I can only echo the excellent advise you are getting here, and really hope that you listen.
I think people are being kind of harsh towards you, OP, but through the profanity they’re giving you good advice.
I’m an only child and didn’t meet my father until I was an adult. One of the main things I wanted to know is if I had any half siblings running around anywhere. I turned out not to, but if I had, I probably would have wanted to contact them if the circumstances were right.
Family is important, so I can totally understand why you want to contact your half sister. And maybe she DOES need to know about you, maybe she doesn’t. There could very well be things going on behind the scenes that you don’t know about, which may be why her aunt cut off contact with you.
You don’t, though. It sucks that you don’t, yes … but you don’t. Hell – what if you meet her and she doesn’t want anything to do with you – what then?
Hon, you have absolutely NO way of knowing what this girl would want, because you don’t know her. There are lots of people out there who don’t consider blood relation to be the be-all-end-all. I’ve known people who were adopted who had ZERO interest in ever knowing who their biological parents are, even when the information was freely available to them.
She might find out she has a half sister and a niece and go “awesome!” or she might go “meh …”. Or she might be pissed off that she’s had information withheld from her all these years and she finds out about it by you showing up, upsetting the apple cart and you know what people do to the messenger in situations like this, right?
No, you shouldn’t. You’d be lying, for one thing. She’s not a distant family member, and there is no emergency other than your curiosity. And there is absolutely no way the school is going to allow themselves to get involved, either, you can take that to the bank.
Well, hey - if you DO ignore every single person here who’s giving you heartfelt advice (some of which is coming from their own old wounds) at least come back and update us, will ya?
ETA: thanks, mods, for the clean-up work.
Go back and re-read what Anaamika said. She’s speaking from your half-sister’s perspective.
You need to let this go.