What’s the longest period of time you’ve gone without even the simplest form of intimacy? Lets say that includes simple things like cuddling, kissing, hugging, or even holding hands. How you want to define it is up to you…if you want to restrict it to romance, or purely platonic, or even family level. If you want to give a reason, it might be enlightening.
I’m not the best example to start this thread.
But the last bit of intimacy I received was with a girl I traveled to meet on Labor Day weekend (September 2008). Hugs and a little cuddling/hand holding. Never even kissed. Was about to try, but was told “we” wouldn’t work before I could. She was right, but…yeah, I didn’t feel OK about that for a long time.
And really, that was the first, and only time I had even done that much. I has to ask my female best friend for a hug when she was leaving a few months before that (I did get one)
Even if I include family (those who are forced by blood relation to care), I MIGHT get touched by other human beings about twice a year at most (hugs from great grandma). Yes, we’re not a “touchy” family.
As 25 year old male who’s never even been kissed, you can imagine how I feel. I just wonder if I’m the only one that’s like this.
I don’t know what would be my longest, but it would surely be at least a few months. My family is not very touchy-feely either, but I do get hugs from my mom and granny. Moreso now that I don’t see them as much as I did when I was a kid. As a teenager, it was not uncommon for me to go many months between any kind of girlfriend, and even in my marriage, I don’t get the level of intimacy I need.
About a year (back in the early 90’s). No hugs, very little non-accidental physical contact, though I did get the occasional ‘matey’ type punch in the arm from work mates.
I felt physically altered, smaller, invisible, fragile. I’d moved cities and by the time I made close friends it was a bit overwhelming to have that contact again. More than once I’d have to leave the room for a minute to get myself back under control (I wanted to cry, not sure why, relief?)
My (adult) family are learning to be more touchy-feely, we give each other hugs about once a fortnight now, a big improvement. Except for the kid, who gets and gives multiple kisses and cuddles many many times every day. It’s all good in the maggenhouse.
My Mom and Dad and friends hug me all of the time (whenever I see them.) Even my SILs are great huggers. The husband, not so much. I am hugely physically affectionate. I think it’s unhealthy not to be touched consistently and I fear for mine (mentally, if not physically.)
Presumably, you only mean that you’ve never even had a romantic kiss? Or has your family always been that hands-off?
Anyway, you’re not alone (says this 23 year old male, who is only mentioning it to counter the bias that would otherwise result from similar people staying silent). [But given how many people aren’t in this position, it surely can’t be that hard to do the work to change the situation for the better. But that’s a different thread…]
Yeah, I meant romantic kiss, though I don’t remember being kissed by ANYONE ever. I’m might have when I was younger, but I don’t remember. Now that I think about it, my little bro has gotten pretty much the same treatment.
I think there was an unwelcome “eww” kiss by a girl I didn’t like when I was still in the “girls have cooties” stage, but that was WELL over a decade ago.
Barely been touched (except by accident) in 4+ years.
I only have one real friend right now and he is one of the least touchy-feely people I’ve ever met. I’ve known him well for over 10 years (we’re 24) and we have hugged once (drunk) and there have been some accidental touches - that’s it. I wouldn’t mind being more physically affectionate with him, but I think if I tried to initiate it, he would find it weird and possibly take it as a sign that I’m into him in a way that I’m not.
If I include family, I get one or two awkward hugs at Christmas. But I seriously don’t count those. We are not a physically affectionate family.
When I had a boyfriend , I was (and enjoyed being) physically affectionate with him on a daily basis, not including sexual activity. I always wondered where I got the urge to do this, given my family. Despite the environment, apparently I did not learn to avoid that sort of thing.
But yeah, I often wish I had someone to hug, even just once in a while. I don’t feel like I need or even want the affection from my family, but I definitely want it from someone else. I definitely miss being kissed - especially as even my last boyfriend wasn’t the best kisser ever. So it’s been a good 6 years since I had a good kiss. Goddamn, now it’s all I can think about.
As far as family goes, I get hugs about once a week or so from my niece, depending on her mood. She’s pretty huggable. My nephew gave me one just the other day, too. My mother, sister and brother are entirely un-huggable, however, and I can’t recall the last time I gave my sister a hug or, in fact, if we’ve ever hugged at all.
For any sort of romantic intimacy, it’s been nine months. I was on a date with a guy, which started out nicely enough. Then he wouldn’t take no for an answer and refused to believe me when I said I was a virgin and not looking to lose it on the first date. After he tried to choke me and I put him in the fetal position, I haven’t touched anyone outside of my family since.
It can be a little depressing and frustrating at times, and I sometimes feel like I’m “broken” because I just can’t get back into the dating scene. I honestly don’t know how to go about it, though. I’m rather skittish about touching anyone outside of my family now.
I got a little massage last night (Sunday). Hugs from kids and their parents on Saturday. A visit to my counselor on Tuesday. Sitting with a beautiful woman two months ago. So I’m good.
Had my first intimacy (kiss & makeout at a house party) at 27(?) but I guess the OP is talking about time between 2 incidents. In that case probably 3 - 4 years. Pretty sad when you can’t narrow it down to a year.
Actually I just wanted to chime in for Deereman that you’re not the only one like this, and yes it is possible to overcome it. Is it a shyness thing, or purely intimacy issues you’re dealing with? If it’s shyness, there is a plethora of help groups on the web that can push you in the right direction. I’m not going to say it’s an easy road, but slowly you make progress and find yourself doing things you never would have thought possible. Hang in there bro.
