I really don’t count at this point(age44). But when I was in college I sure counted, to the day. It bothered me then, but now I really don’t mind the periods of inactivity.
But I guess 12 to 18 months is my longest dry spell. It was between boyfriends. When I met the hubby he was going on 8 years…gee I wonder if he married me out of desperation? hmmm probably.
And charming. Charming helps.
I wonder if this is what coming out of the closet feels like.
I expected a bit more a reaction, actually. Maybe I should have done an “ask the…” thread.
I think we were all too busy thinking about the last time we had sex (or didn’t) to respond appropriately. However, I assume you’ve had your reasons.
My first husband’s best friend is to my knowledge, still a virgin. He’s 49.
4 or 5 years (I really have stopped counting); more like 7 years since the last time it lived up to the hype. And I’ve never been married, so I can’t blame it on that. Basically, I’m just not as pretty as all those other boys. Some women can see past that, but they still generally need a good deal of convincing and/or intoxicants. Really, it’s the lack of companionship and connection in general that’s much more maddening than the lack of sex. I actually worked up the nerve to ask the attractive young lady at my local Starbucks her name. And she asked mine, right before she wrote it on the cup. :rolleyes:
*:Wanders by, still shaking head in disbelief:
*
That’s an equally interesting question - when was the last time you had really GOOD sex. Or how often did you have really GOOD sex in your past relationships? (I wouldn’t comment on current relationships, since we tend to be less objective while in them.)
In my 11-year relationship with my first husband (2 years dating, 9 years of marriage) I can think of only 1 time that I would point to and say, “That was good sex.”
Unfortunately, it was back when we were dating and before we were living together. After our afternoon delight, he stayed the night. When he went on his midnight potty run, he passed my roommate in the hall. She then confessed to me privately that having him stay overnight made her uncomfortable so we never really stayed there again - or had any kind of repeat performance.
/hijack.
The longest I’ve been without would be about five weeks. That was due to needing time to recover from an injury. Down There. That happened During.
That’s over my 10 year career since I started at 22. Not a particularly high number of partners, either, but apparently once I actually worked girls out, I became a bit of a catch and have never taken long to find someone new and interesting when needed.
I’m trying to decide if it’s better to be the 40+ year old virgin or to have had a sexual relationship that ended several presidential terms ago.
With a bit of luck (and the passage of time), I might be able to achieve the latter…
A year and a half, as of right now. Not out of a lack of drive – I’d love to if I found someone I wanted to have sex with.
I sometimes wish it had never happened, but the epiphany I had and renewed faith make it worth it. I wouldn’t be who I am now without it.
Birth till September 2000, then January 2001 till present.
Wow what a depressing thread, lol. The longest I’ve gone without is a year and about nine months. Living with an ex doesn’t promote getting sex elsewhere, but I wouldn’t have changed a thing about the situation. Now it’s been about 10 months and I think I’m going crazy now. Not that I haven’t had the opportunity, but I don’t want to just have sex with anyone who offers. I really don’t want to just have one night stands or hook ups, it’d be nice to have a relationship and fall in love again.
I wanted to ask this question also but was too embarrassed.
I’m doing 4.5 years so far.
Disadvantages: no traditional girlfriend or lover, no pleasure of sex, no ability to make claims of having such, occasional “loser” feelings, unspoken thoughts by others of my sexual orientation, no attempts to seek it leads to weak pick-up skills and fear of rejection that must be overcome
Advantages: no chance of unwanted preganancy, no chance of nasty uncurable diseases, not having to wear a condom, not having to spend hours/days/weeks/months going through the whole mating process, no need to go to bars or clubs and play the “game”, not have to worry about getting too drunk or risking a DUI as a consequence of having gone to that bar/club, not having uncomfortable moments waking up to a stranger the next day, not having to inevitably deal with “the Fockers” or her friends, porn and good lotion take care of the urges, having a greater appreciation of finding a mate based on more than her hot body, not feeling like a male slut or player, the seeking of sex NOT being a major motivator in life, my kids time not shared by anyone else
Honestly, though, if more attractive single women came across my path more often in way that a relationship could be sparked up, I’d probably get laid more often. I’d still take the time to know her as much as possible first and be as “careful” as possible but, yes, I’m sure sex would eventually happen. So I hope I don’t sound like a hypocrite.
Fifteen months, give or take. Late July of last year to October of this year. I imagine it will be as long this time around as well.
6 monthish. I was in Vietnam. We met in Hawaii for R&R. Then it was another 6 month run.
I, like faithfool, want to thank everyone for their responses. It’s been a real eye-opener, if a little depressing.
With as difficult as life already is, to have to deal with not being able to do what we’re built for on a regular basis must be terrible. I guess I should consider myself luckier than most at 47 not having gone without for more than perhaps a few weeks since I was 21.
Not to belittle anyone else’s experiences, or circumstances, (or to overstate the obvious) but I believe one’s ability to attract another has a lot to do with confidence and self esteem, almost as much as one’s physical attributes. Those of you who are convinced you’re too old, or too ugly or, for whatever (non health-related) reason, no one wants you, have you considered examining your self-professed flaws and attempt to do something about them?
There are plenty of physically unattractive people who have no problem finding willing, long-term partners. As far as age and other issues such as stature are concerned, these are things one can’t do anything about, but are as crutch-worthy as any reason not to do something when one doesn’t have the confidence to believe success is possible. Weight? Again, barring a medical issue, this can easily be remedied, but won’t if one harbors, and cleaves to, debilitating, self esteem and confidence issues.
I’m a 47 (pushing 48 hard) year old, 5’7", 60-hour work-week male, who was once hospitalized with acute ketoacidosis for 5 days. That was my low. I could have given up as some of you seem to have, but I battled back, changed my diet, standardized my exercise regimen, which was all over the place, and lost the extra weight. However, unlike some, I’ve always had a surfeit of self confidence, and have always believed I could have whatever, and whomever, I wanted, and something like hospitalization, or my height, or my age, or my weight, or my schedule, wasn’t going to change that. My point is it seems the only things differentiating some of you who have the desire for a physical, intimate relationship with another person, and me, is what’s in your head, what you allow yourselves to believe, and what you’re willing to do about it. I know I’m over-simplifying things and, for some, because of extenuating circumstances, what I’ve said definitely doesn’t apply, however, for a number of you I believe it does.
…oh yeah, it’s never too late.
By the way, to brag a little, the last night I was in the hospital my SO and I had sex, not in the bed though, even though I was in a private room. We did it in the lavatory because she was afraid someone would walk into the room. Yeah, yeah, I shouldn’t have done it, but man, let me tell ya, after all these years, the possibility of getting caught still makes the sex a little bit better.
What you say is true. but the problem I see with such advice is this: How can you be confident about something you know you aren’t any good at? People are usually confident in areas where they excel and less confident in areas where they struggle. And rightly so. Learning to act confident will certainly help you if you’re actually pretty good at talking to people in social situations, reading body language, relating to other people, etc. But if it has been repeatedly demonstrated to you that you are not at all good at doing that, the advice won’t help. The problem runs much deeper than that, and I don’t believe it can really be cured. Perhaps hidden somewhat with time and effort, but not eliminated.
It’s late. I hope that made sense…
I understand what you’re saying but, in my opinion, it’s mostly a state of mind.
Some things I’ve tried and were successful at were things I’d never done before. For example, at 41 I taught myself to ride a unicycle. At 44 I got my state boaters safety license, then my Captain’s license, and last Summer, for the first time, I sailed from the upper Delaware river to the Chesapeake bay, through pounding waves and torrential rain (let me tell you that story sometime).
As far as dating is concerned, I’ve always been attracted to many types of women, but my fantasies would have remained just that had I not decided to put myself out there. I’m not a classically handsome guy by any stretch. I’d say I’m about average looking, and a little shorter than average at 5’7", so I’m not going to knock anyone dead with my looks. However, what I can do is be the best me I can be and, believe me, that’s what counts. I’ve had a good mix of short- and long-term relationships, as well as a few rejections, and I had no playbook to follow.
Reading body language is something you learn with increased attempts; you don’t get that off the bat, but it does come. Social interaction and relating to people is difficult for the shy, but not insurmountable. Just being one’s self as one as one places one’s big toe in the pond of social interactivity does help self confidence. Getting out there is the key. Even if all you do is stand on the sidelines and watch, you’re out there, you’ve taken a step. Next time you’ll mingle, or not. You’re not on a time-clock. You’ve spent years at home doing nothing. Spending a few months acclimating yourself to new environs and experiences as you build your confidence should be a piece of cake. The thing to remember is there’s no rush. Another thing to try to be careful to avoid is exhibiting an air of desperation. Nothing kills a social experience like desperation. It’s creepy and scary. Your attitude should be if s/he wants to talk to me, fine. If not, fine. Over time, as your comfort level increases you’ll find that it’s less difficult to interact casually. Your confidence will come all on its own and, eventually, it will be noticed.
Please note: I don’t mean what I’ve said above to be a prescription for everyone, but I do believe, in certain cases, for those who’ve absolutely had enough of letting the potential of having a sexual relationship with another remain out of reach, it can help.
Too motherfucking long.
I’m currently experiencing the biggest dry spell since losing my virginity at 18. I haven’t been counting, but it’s before I graduated college in the summer of 05 at the latest. Four years is a good, round ballpark.
Fuck. The lack of sex is probably the biggest component of the intermittent misery the has afflicted my life for a while now. I’ve got a reasonably enjoyable job, a nice apartment five minutes walk away, live in a pretty town and am otherwise healthy. If I could be given the ultimate gift of getting laid then perhaps I could finally shift the needle of my emotional conscience to ‘happy’. Okay, a one night stand might not bring the lasting fulfillment that a committed relationship would, but it would be a nice shot in the arm until aforementioned relationship presented itself.
What annoys me most is that sex is such a foregone conclusion. It’s not something that you have to earn, that is only available to an elite few, that you have to put in years of toil of graft to achieve. It’s basic, it’s regular, it’s mundane. That couple over there? They’re having sex, because that’s what couples do. Those twenty-somethings in those party pictures on Facebook. They’re all having sex, because that’s what twenty-somethings do. That heavily pregnant woman? She only got that way from having a nice hard cock one Tuesday evening. Like she had the day before, and the weekend before that. Ann Summers, FHM and Maxim magazines, Cosmopolitan, chocolate body paint, naughty weekends in the country, Victoria’s Secret, Durex, Trojan, amateur porn films, vibrating cock rings, Rampant Rabbits - all of these things part of an entire industry catering to the majority of people out there who are fucking their wives on Valentines Day, fingering some woman they don’t know at a swinger party, celebrating a wedding anniversary or new car or kitchen fittings. All this for your average joe the Plumber, for thieves, liars, junkies, the ugly, the obese, the anorexic, the gay, straight and ‘just experimenting’, for absent fathers, welfare queens, lawyers, doctors, punks, goths and white supremacists. They’re all buying ribbed condoms for her pleasure, wearing naughty underwear, having quickie sex and long, romantic screws, joining the Mile High Club, earning their brown wings, trying different positions, have tried enough positions to know their favourite, giving and receiving oral. There’s foreplay, or lack of it, full body massages, premature ejaculations, people that don’t know what they’re doing, people that can make someone orgasm from the other side of the room.
All of them. They’re all getting it, whether they ‘deserve’ it or not. Yeah, that guy over there that dropped litter and spat on the sidewalk? He’s kind of an arsehole but at least he got his dick sucked recently. The middle-aged woman that merged on the freeway without looking? Yeah, she could be a selfish, irredeemable cunt, but at least she’s had a good fucking in recent weeks.
Fuck the TV shows where some sour-faced divorcee is complaining about not getting any for six months. Oooh, you poor widdle thing, only having that huge purple dildo to satisfy you for nigh on half a year! What a terrible affliction.
So sexually transmitted infection numbers have exploded among the young (because everyone’s having lots of sex, remember?). It breaks my heart for poor little Johnny and his gonorrhoea. Didn’t he know how to put a condom on? If not, perhaps he should step aside and let someone else having a shot at not transmitting or receiving chlamydia. I hear viagra is being used recreationally by many young men. I’ve heard of friends of friends dealing the stuff to others and taking it themselves. Unless there are side effects other than uncontrollable wood, I have to wonder why the fuck they need it in the first place. Listen buddy, if you’re in your twenties and that beautiful naked woman over there is failing to lift your pecker, perhaps you give someone else a shot at the million dollar prize?
I’m not bitter, not bitter at all. Well, maybe a little bit, but I don’t show it, I keep it all bottled up inside so as not to bother anyone with my problems, because that’s the kind of considerate motherfucker I am.
It’s almost 2009. Unless I luck out at my work’s Christmas party, 2008 is looking to be another sexless, joyless year. Another non-notch on the bedpost, another searing scar in my future happiness.
Perhaps I need a new year’s resolution. I will try anything and everything to obtain consensual sex with no money changing hands. A goal to work towards, with a deadline of 1st Jan 2010. If I reach the deadline without some doggy, reverse cowgirl or perhaps even some backdoor action, I should punish myself. Shock therapy. Maybe I need to read those books about The Game ™ and get myself a ‘wingman’. Those who can do, those who can’t buy a book about it and hope that it’s their dick flapping in the wind that is picked from the lineup and not the next fucking wanker’s.