About fifteen years.
Preach it, Hogwash! I know exactly how you feel. I missed out on so much action in my teens, while everyone else was getting it, and my 20’s have so far been monopolized by one person. There is so much I wish I could do sexually, but a combination of factors prevents me from doing it. I mean, at least I do have occasional, regular sex, like 2-3 times a month. So that’s something. But it’s become rote and boring.
Have you considered the thought that maybe your bitterness is not quite so bottled up as you think? I am not expert with women (as is evident by my record above) but even I know that bitterness is not attractive to most people. At least not the kind I would want to actually have sex with.
One other thought, your year may or may not end up sexless. But if it ends up joyless, it is entirely your fault. My life as been pretty empty with regards to sex, but it has hardly been joyless. And since the beginning of August, I have been actively working for that, despite problems in my life. Not always succeeding, but still trying.
I did that all through college and for years after. Look at your situation and think about what regrets you might not want to have in another 2, 3, 5 years. Or longer.
A bit trite, but you simply won’t have the opportunity to do your 20s over.
Yes, I have considered it, and I don’t believe it. I may not be the most confident, outgoing, chipper, ‘everything is fucking wonderful’ guy, but nobody would call me angry or bitter. Amusingly cynical or slightly neurotic perhaps, but I’m completely non-confrontational and would never shout at anyone or hurt a fly. Perhaps therein lies the rub.
Oh, I have been. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.
With the high rate of STDs (particularly HIV/AIDS) in my area, it’s been about…um…let’s see…ten years. It’s not that I haven’t wanted sex, but when it comes down to developing a relationship with someone (casual sex just leaves me with an empty feeling), it just hasn’t happened. Of course, I haven’t invested an incredible amount of time looking either.
on the other hand, I’ve discovered a whole lot about my own body in the past 10 years that I never knew.
Strangely, I suffered my longest drought while in college. In high school, I had a steady girlfriend until we broke up during my freshman year at the university. During the following summer, I had a few one night stands, then… um… nothing until literally a month ago. That was three freaking years. College was fun, but without sex, something just didn’t feel right.
I masturbated a lot, though. Sometimes, that just made me more depressed about the situation.
I haven’t had it yet cuz I met the girl of my dreams freshman year of college…she wanted to wait til marriage, and I loved her more than sex so I (reluctantly) agreed.
We date all through college, she breaks my heart…and now I’m just plumb scared to.
I’m not in college anymore so I can’t just “hook up” and call it a college thing, and I am not the type of person to have sex with anyone.
I can’t do it with her obviously…but the stigma for a virgin girl and a guy is so much different. I don’t have anyone to trust with it, so I’m not.
As Hogwash kinda stated…I don’t want it to be something in whatever girl I might date that we have to do it after the first week…but if I don’t I’m scared of her leaving.
Honestly, I would rather be ridiculed for being a 25+ year old virgin, than be ridiculed for what the first time is gonna be.
About 10 months at university after a bad breakup that left me more than slightly misogynistic for half a year following it. Dating was sporadic for a while after I finally got over her. No serious relationships for a good year or two after I started being interested in dating again, though I did date and/or pick up women during that time.
When I came to Japan I had a dry spell that lasted over a year, punctuated with a couple of visits home. Trying to pick up girls in small-town Japan doesn’t work very well. Social opprobrium keeps them from coming home with you or even giving you their number in all too many cases, no matter how interested their body language tells you they are.
Even “casual” association becomes problematic since people assume that of course you’re fucking if a gaijin guy and a Japanese woman are seen together without being part of a larger group. So you often can’t even start out on a friendly or casual basis and build up to something more. She’s either going to be willing to risk it, or she’s not, and in almost every case, she’s not. Yes, even the slutty or marginally attractive ones. Big cities are totally different, but where I lived it was really slim pickings.
On my first visit home at Christmas about 5–6 months in, when my ex was sorta-kinda still my girlfriend (I’d told her that I didn’t expect her to wait for me and said that as far as I was concerned we were not together unless/until I came back permanently.) Within minutes of being around her I was in a state of agonized arousal. Seriously, I had a hard-on that you could drive nails with for a couple of hours, with absolutely no provocation or respite. I hadn’t consciously built up any anticipation; it was pure animal rut. I remember her smell being one of the triggers.
While I wasn’t close to being a virgin, and had been in serious and passionate relationships before, that was the first time I realized viscerally why some men are willing to fight or kill over sexual access to a woman. It was a terribly powerful drive that, while I obviously could control it, had a huge effect on how I behaved for the next couple of hours. Scary to look at my state of mind in retrospect.
Thankfully, she was still very much interested in getting naked. I don’t think I could have stayed around her if she hadn’t been. Would have driven me apeshit.
When I finally started having sex on a regular basis, one of my friends remarked that I was a much more pleasant person to be around. I was a little too manic, intense, or negative most of the time when I wasn’t getting laid.
Somewhere around the time I hit 30 I noticed that the urgency diminished a bit. Being in a long-term relationship and getting married a couple of years back probably has something to do with it too. If you’re not always looking, and not having sex with different women, it seems like your sex drive gets depressed a little. It’s not that I find my wife unattractive. On the contrary, I’m very interested in having sex with my wife. But I’m pretty sure that if I had a girlfriend or mistress I’d probably be even more interested in both of them.
If I got divorced and became single again, while I’d probably still be recovering from the loss of the relationship, I’ve no doubt that I’d be out and looking for someone within months. I’ve still got a pretty powerful sex drive.
About two years, right out of college, between Girlfriend #2 and Girlfriend #3. It was hell, but I was very busy at the time and had (I already knew) #3 to look forward to, so I survived.
To all those Dopers who want sex and aren’t getting enough - or any - may the New Year bring a change for the better. But it won’t just happen by itself, most likely. Look in your heart and decide what you need to do to make it happen, and then do that. Good luck!
Assuming you mean since I started having sex (which WAS pretty late on):
About 6 weeks between the first time and the girlfriend I got shortly there after.
so far… a year and 2 months. course its also a long time w/o a date… butthen again the girl i just took out to dinner apparently had a great time, very nice goodnight kiss… but now won’t return my calls.
Ten years, between the time of the divorce and the time I found someone who wanted to date me AND have sex with me. I did date someone regularly (like, every week) that I really cared about for 3 years during that time, but he wasn’t attracted to me in that way, so…besides, I was kept very busy by troubled teenage children and trying to scrape out a living. The time just flew.
Nobody was interested in me. Not one of my friends ever fixed me up with even one person. I wasn’t interested in sitting in bars and picking someone up for a one-night thingy. Match-making sites helped me find a platonic friend, but no one who wanted me. It’s not like I wasn’t looking, or interested, but I was overweight…though that doesn’t seem to slow some girls down. Just didn’t happen for me.
Two months.