Look!! It's a fire! No, it's a bunch of morons!

The BBQ Pit
1

Fucking local Baptist church.

I work third shift and I get home in the mornings at about 7:00am. I know that the outside world does not know this and I do not fault them but this fact is important to the story. This morning at about 9:00am, my husband and I were peacefully sleeping in our nice, quiet home. (We live in a rural subdivision.)

It was a Saturday morning and everything was nice and peaceful–no garbage trucks, no school busses, no meter readers–just lovely, rural quiet. In fact, the noisiest thing all day was a pair of starlings in the tree outside our house.

Suddenly, we are rudely awakened by the sound of rather large trucks driving up our street. We grumble and try to drift back off to sleep when we are interrupted by the sound of a fire engine siren. We immediately jump up and run to the window. All the houses in our neighborhood are fairly close together and we know several of our neighbors pretty well. We are worried about whose house is on fire and if we should go help or something.

We look out the window and see a ladder truck driving up the road in front of our house–siren blaring. We watch to see where it is going (hubby’s elderly aunt lives at the top of our street) with knots of worry in our stomachs, half-awake, stunned that the silence was shattered suddenly by the sounds of what can only be impending disaster for one or more of our neighbors/friends.

As we look out the window, we see what has caused the fire engine to roar down our street, waking people up on Saturday morning at 9:00 am.

Is it a fire?

NO!
Is it a car accident?

NO!
Is it a fucking cat stuck in a tree?

NO!

The screaming fire engine is leading a small parade of sorts (vans, cars, trucks pulling wagons–all filled with people) up our street. As we watch, people (adults and kids) run from the vehicles in this convoy up to houses and mail boxes to hand out flyers.

Suddenly, there is a knock on the door. I am thinking, “If these people have something this important that they would wake up an entire neighborhood full of sleeping people to share it with, it must be some pretty big fucking news.” I assume that they have gotten irrefutable proof that the rapture is occurring later today and they must warn us. Either that or the Aerojet plant a few miles from our house is getting ready to explode and they are trying to tell us to evacuate.

I open the door and this toothless guy is standing on my porch with a flyer and he cheerfully explains that his church is having a car show and spaghetti supper tonight and that Bible school starts next week and they just wanted to let us know!

What the fuck?

First of all, the fact is that the fire engine that they were using is paid for by my tax dollars and I don’t appreciate that any little organization or group can just decide to use it whenever they see fit to get people’s attention!

Second, why in the hell did these people feel it necessary to wake up an entire community full of people on the weekend just to tell them about a stupid car show? Why couldn’t they just send out flyers?

Another thing, these people were opening mailboxes and putting flyers in there? Isn’t this illegal?
I was half asleep when the toothless guy was giving me his little speech so I couldn’t really think of anything to say so I just slammed the door in his face after ripping the stack of flyers out of his hand. However, I am going to call this church and ask them what the hell they could have possibly been thinking? Not that I was ever going to go to this church in the first place, but now I am actually on an active mission to make sure horrible things happen to them!

2

Well, I’ve heard tell that waking people unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime for the first offense.

But I really think that the extreme jerkitude of these morons merits an exception.

Don’t stop with calling the church. Call the fire dept & find out who authorized the use of the truck & bitch them out too. Call the city council and chew someone out. Your tax dollars should not be paying for these idjits’ advertising.

And yes, it is a federal offense to open a mailbox that doesn’t belong to you (unless, obviously, you are a postal employee). So report them for that while you’re at it.

Go forth and kick ass!

3

Holy shit Evilbeth. I’ve done my share of third watches too and like you, I don’t expect the world to revolve around my sleeping the AM off. Having said that, that shit was downright rude and “in your face”. I agree about asking your local city council about using that fire truck for that purpose, unless you have volunteer FDs in your area.

You showed remarkable restraint to that ignoramus banging on your door at that time of the morning. If it was me, someone would be eating those flyers for breakfast.

4

Fucking Baptists going around pretending that they are Jehovah’s witnesses just ain’t right!

Who the fuck do they think they are anyways?

5

Hell, the Jehovah’s Witnesses at least put on suits and stuff. The toothless guy was wearing a dirty t-shirt and cut-offs!

6

Well, first of all, I would write a letter to the cheif of the fire dept, the mayor and your town representatives. This is absolutely unnacceptable. It’s downright illegal for a fire engine to turn on its siren if it’s not an emergency, and in some towns its illegal for them to use sirens when people are usually assumed to be sleeping. (Since there aren’t that many cars on the road anyway, it doesn’t really make a difference in most residential areas.)

It’s also completely unnacceptable for them to be wasting a perfectly good fire engine, which is an emergency vehicle, on this nonsense. Many residential neighborhoods have provisions that don’t allow parades on residential streets (except perhaps a few main streets.)

I would also go to the pastor’s house and 5am tomorrow, bang on his door, and give him a lecture about what a bunch of dickheads his congregation is. Make up some flyers, too.

7

OH – MY – GOD

Beth, I got halfway through your OP and I said, out loud, with a sinking heart, “Oh, my God, they’re gonna invite her to Vacation Bible School.” And I was right.

I am cringing in shame on behalf of that Baptist church. What can I say? Churches are like people–some of them are more clueless than others.

I think you should write a stiff letter to the pastor of the church (NOT the city council or the fire department,) telling him exactly who and what you are, and that his little stunt had precisely the opposite effect of that which he desired. And you can tell him that there’s a Fightin’ Fundie Sunday School teacher in Illinois who says he was out of line, too.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. :frowning:
FWIW, this is part of a growing trend for VBS across the country, treating it as “entertainment”. VBS packages now come with all sorts of suggestions for carnivals, parades, and other flashy tie-ins, the idea being that once you get the kids inside the church, you’ve got 'em right where you want 'em, ripe for conversion. In my mind this is the totally wrong approach; it makes it more like a car dealership than church.

Our church has been known to stage bicycle parades around the apartment complexes down the road from the church, but it’s always on a Saturday afternoon, and it’s just the church kids on their decorated bikes, which makes it a little more personal.

8

Evilbeth, so are we to assume that you don’t love a parade??

::snicker::

9

Do you know who’s in charge of the events committe? It’s almost time to call them up and discuss this…

10

Hon, yes, it IS illegal to put fliers like that into your mailbox. Call the Postmaster. This is a huge no-no. Flyers can go on the porch, door handle, car but NOT in the mailbox. The reason why is they get around paying postage. Postmaster’s get really pissed about folks not paying.

Also, using a fire truck? I can’t wrap my head around that. I can’t believe that any self-respecting, community concerned, fire chief would allow that. Yes, it is your tax dollars. Also it comes into problems with the separation of church and state. Even bigger is the problem that if there was a fire they are out “parading” around!

Just reading this makes my head almost burst into flames! I’m appalled! I don’t give a rat’s ass if they were promoting “fire safety day”! This was just in bad taste and wrong all the way around!

If it were me I’d call the Postmaster, Fire Chief, Governor… hell, I’d call the Mayor, my council member and just wouldn’t stop until a formal apology was made and also the money it cost to use that truck was paid.

11

Death to morons!!! … well, at least some spankings and some taunting anyhow!!

12

Update: I tried to call the church today. No one was in and no machine. I’ll try again tomorrow.

13

To repeate what the basketball coach of my high school said
“Harass them! Harass them! Make them relinquish the ball!”

14

At 3:00AM. Repeatedly. For a Month. At Least.

Then get nasty.

15

I hate FUCKING assholes who knock at my door. When I used to live in an apartment I’d disconnect the door bell. I should put up a BIG FUCKING SIGN on my door.

DO NOT FUCKING KNOCK ON THIS DOOR OR I WILL FUCKING BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF WITH AN AK-47 WHEN I OPEN IT. FUCK OFF AND HAVE A NICE DAY.

Maybe you should print the above out and tape it to your door.

16

I work overnights, so I feel your pain. You were much nicer than I would have been. I would have taken those flyers and stuffed them in that toothless man’s mouth!
I say call everyone and raise h*ll!

17

Just to stick my $0.02 in. My dad worked the graveyard shift for 15 years. He eventually figured out that is he printed out a large sign that said “Daysleeper” that he got a LOT more sleep. It won’t work for parades, but it’ll keep toothless old men from banging on your door.

18

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=33127

try this thread for some ideas.

Kick their ass Beth!!

19

Email us all the numbers to your local fire cheif and mayor and that church leader. WE will all help you call and complain. A couple hundred angry Dopers ought to turn that one-toothed smile around, eh?

Seriously, I would call and complain. I know everyone else would too. Give us the numbers.

20

Say, that’s not a half-bad plan!