Looking for the SD “Players”

In My Humble Opinion
1

I want to hear from all you non-monogamous Dopers. I’m not talking about cheaters, or people who lie to the people they are seeing – I want to hear from genuine, practicing “poly-amorous” (awful word) people who are totally honest with their partners. I just looked a bit through the “would you share your man” thread and yikes, it’s cold in there for people like me. This isn’t a “would you” thread; I’m looking for the people who are already there.
I’ve had this idea for a thread kicking around for a while, because I often get strange responses when I tell people that I’m dating several people or that I have two boyfriends. People often ask me about the emotional situation as well as the logistics. I KNOW I’m not the only one who does this – so I’d like to share a bit and ask you a few questions.
First of all, my non-monogamy (“non-m” for short) began in college. I had a boyfriend who was a poly-am type and he was always on the level with me. I decided to date him anyway, and since fair was fair, I tried it for myself. It was excellent, and thus began a long streak of non-m relationships for me. I did spend nearly four years monogamously with one man (that ended about two years ago.) I think I did it for two reasons: To prove I still could, and because I had noticed that non-m relationships tended to have the seeds of their destruction sown very early (as in because there was not a DEEP emotional commitment, it made it much easier to say goodbye for dumber reasons.)
But here I am again, and I really enjoy it. I am totally honest with all the people I “date” or “sleep with” and while they are not all necessarily happy about it, they deal with it because they know it is part of the package. But I still leave myself open to the possibility of having a monogamous relationship with someone. Although from experience, I know that if I want this, I’ll have to be very careful with how I handle it.

So, for all you other “players” out there, a few questions.

  1. How many people are you currently “seeing” and how many do you normally have? Are you married?

  2. Are these partners also non-m?

  3. How did you first get started being an open non-m person?

  4. Would you be monogamous for the right person? (And is anyone you are currently seeing a potential “right” person?)

Also, please share any other thoughts or experiences regarding these types of relationships. I’m very interested…

2

You missed me by a couple of months. :slight_smile:

3

IMHO, if you are looking for poly folks, avoid the word ‘player’. I may be wrong, but I get the impression that a player is someone who does not care about his or her partners, but just looks them as conquests.

4

[Takes player hat off]
Aww, but I’ve got game!
[Puts player hat on]
Now where was I? :wink: