29, Female, bisexual (I suppose pansexual really though I think it sounds silly)
In a relationship with a
26 year old male, also bisexual, for 9 years, and a
28 year old female, also bisexual for 11 years.
My partners are not “with” each other though we are all friends and both my girlfriend and boyfriend are seeking male partners also at this time. I live with my boyfriend and we do plan on marrying soon. This will not change my other relationship.
Many people are agog when they figure out we are all together and wonder how we manage such a relationship. Weirdly enough, it seems that there is less “drama” in this relationship than other standard relationships I have had. I think this comes from a lot of communication and everyone being open about their wants, needs, and desires.
My wife and I are polyamorous in theory. We’ve had a poly agreement since before we were married, but neither of us has had an outside relationship in years. Though I do have some close friends who are poly, but nobody with who I have a romantic or sexual relationship.
I’m not poly in the sense of being currently in multiple relationships, or of needing to be in multiple relationships simultaneously.
But…
a) I have been involved with someone who was herself also involved with another guy. Fine with that;
b) Going all the way back to when I was in High School, what I wanted in the way of commitment was not a promise of exclusivity (I just assumed that of course she, whoever she might be, would want to be with other guys) but rather an acknowledgement of “this is great, I am so wanting to keep you in my life”;
c) I would not promise exclusivity to anyone; don’t understand the whole notion of “I love you therefore as an expression of my love I want you to promise that if you feel like having sex with someone else, you won’t”, I mean WTF? And extremely high rates of promise-breaking, and lots and lots of angst over it and “cheating” and whatnot seem to pervade the emotional lives of folks who DO do the exclusivity-promise thing. I haven’t the faintest most remote inclination to want it of my partner and no tolerance of anyone expecting such a restrictive deal w/regards to me.
d) I’m communal at heart; I have never been in but would consider a collective commitment (again, not with exclusivity in any form, though), i.e., some variant on what they used to call ‘group marriage’
In my previous LTR (over 15 years) my and my “husband” were both poly. We both had about 2-3 other (hetero) relationships in those 15 years. Oddly enough, I broke up with one of my secondary relationships because he cheated on me. That is, he had had a couple other (sexuals) relationships, which was fine by me, becaue I knew and liked the (type of) girls. But then he lied about another sexual relationship, because the girl involved was of the type I had asked him not to date (homeless, ex-prostitute, ex-addict). When he nevertheless dated such a girl and had a one-night stand with her, things were over between him and me.
With my current husband, we’re three years together, I’m no longer poly.
I’m poly in theory, and were I able to be in a relationship with the person my heart foolishly wants, I imagine we’d both also seek different gender additional partners at some point or another. But at the moment, since I’m utterly single, I’d settle for one partner, really. Just one, that’s all I ask.
I am sure all of us poly folk have heard that one before. Unless you are serious, and that your ex IS poly and has multiple open relationships. If you meant they just cheated on you? Than no, they are not poly. Part of making poly work is all partners are open and knowing, cheating in a poly relationship is just as big of a deal as it is in a mono one.
I’m 100% gay, but my partner is poly (and has been sexually active since the age of 9). He has many stories about his “wild years,” and at times I’m a little envious.
The strange thing is that we both have totally opposite taste in men, and precisely the same taste in women (except that my attraction to women is esthetic, not sexual).
Not poly here. Although a lot of my friends are poly. And sometimes I think of it as being philosophically ideal. But I’ve been with a lot of emotionally cold people, so I’d probably have to be with a very emotionally available person first before I could think about doing that. I also have deep reservations about being sexually non monogamous given the issue of STDs especially since I don’t really enjoy oral sex with a condom. On the other hand, I’m not an overly jealous type, and I wouldn’t mind if my SO and I discussed who we find attractive, and if something ‘happened’ it wouldn’t be a big deal as long as we were honest about it, and got tested, etc.
Umm, expecting exclusivity from a partner isn’t about expressing how much you love them. It’s about thinking you deserve someone who loves you as much, and in the same way, as you love them. If you love someone in the sort of way where you don’t want to have sex with other people, being with someone who does want to have sex with other people feels like settling. Nobody should settle about something like that in their relationships.
Sorry for the hijack, but that particular comment struck me as being about as mature and intelligent as claiming that polyamory is about being able to fuck anything that moves just 'cause you feel like it. In other words, missing the freaking point entirely.
I’ve been in an open relationship with my partner for around 17 years. In that time we’ve each had 5-10 other relationships, some lasting 3 or so years. I’m a straight female, he’s a mostly-straight male.
We moved from NYC to Maryland a year and a half ago, and haven’t found anyone here that either of us are interested in.
Sorry, too much stream of consciousness. I didn’t mean that’s how it “objectively is” or even how I view it (and you non-poly folks) intellectually, but more just gut reaction and in particular “how it always seemed to me”, i.e., without much analysis going on.
My husband and I are poly. He currently has a girlfriend for nearly 2 years and I have a close friend ‘with benefits’ who is married and poly with his wife for over 20 years. The option is there for more experiences for both of us but we are fine with our current arrangements.
I’m theoretically poly, I suppose, but I haven’t been in a relationship in years, and never with more than one person. It’s not against my religion or anything. I suspect that I’d find it easier to be monogamous, but who knows?
Is it just my perception or are there a higher percentage of polyamorous people on the SDMB than in the general population? If so, why do you think this is?
