Looks will fade, but personality is likely forever.

In My Humble Opinion
1

Inspiring post.

Do you agree with the above statement? Decided to make a poll out of it-again, before someone tries to cut me a new one, citing Paragraph IV of Subsection Gamma in the Nitpicker’s Guide to Message Board Discussions, the poll is there simply to spark discussion and is not an end in and of itself (plus I always try to leave a NOTA option for you guys anyway).

I’ll be brave and state that it is likely personality changes which will cause more divorces than looks changing. While my mom’s personality has been pretty stable, my late father went from a very straightlaced, sober-minded, serious and highly devout (Catholic) young man to become a cynical, boisterous, heavy drinking and atheistic older man who cheated on my mom on several occasions. They didn’t divorce, tho at one point they almost did.

2

I guess what I really meant was that if your attraction is based on looks and not personality, it will likely not last. If based on personality and that changes, that is not good either, but while personality might change, looks will certainly fade and it is wrong to base a permanent relationship on looks.

Very amused by the poll.

3

I really think the poll should be split between men and women: men consider women to be at their hottest around 21 or so, and thus there is a significant possibility of a man trading in for a younger model. Women on the other hand don’t have this strong preference for youth in members of the opposite sex.

4

A change in personality is more likely to end a relationship but a change in appearance is more likely to occur.

5

If you notice a sudden change in personality *and *appearance, you may just be in the wrong house.

6

In my opinion most relationships end because people were wrong for each other in the first place but they either thought they could handle it or they could change the other person but eventually found out they couldn’t. So no changes, except maybe that people stop being on their best behavior once they’ve locked down someone.

I don’t think that ending a relationship because of a change in looks is very common (people that are that shallow usually don’t stick around long enough for looks to fade but move on to the new shiny as soon as it comes along). And adults rarely change their base personality, although of course they may start showing a less attractive side as they get unhappy.

7

Random data point.

My EX became my EX mainly because she wasn’t sliding into sweet little old lady hood but instead into crabby assed arguementative bitchitude.

In hindsight I guess I should not have been surprised. All the stories I recall of her mother were basically the same thing :smack:

8

Looks would be an issue if it was a matter of turning into a gross slob for no good reason. For example, a person who bathed regularly and wore clean, neat clothing suddenly avoiding soap, shampoo, laundry, deodorant, and other social niceties and not being willing to do something about it of figure out why - that’s a no go.

Personality is an issue when a formerly normal person becomes irrational/argumentative/abusive/lying/whack-a-doodle and will make no effort to get to the root cause and solve the problem.

Either of these could be sign of mental illness, substance abuse, alien abduction, or maybe someone looking for an excuse to be kicked to the curb. I didn’t vote because there’s no easy answer. But I will say that anyone who will dump someone because they no longer look the way they did 30 years ago (or whenever) is beneath contempt, and very shallow.

9

What was the committed relationship based on to begin with?

I think the point is that a relationship based on physical attraction is inherently unstable, because inevitably your partner will lose their looks, or you’ll get tired of them, or you’ll run into someone who turns you on more.

10

I do not agree with the statement that personality is forever. Personality is as likely to change as looks. Ideally, a couple have their personalities change together, so that they become more compatible over time rather than less.

However, I do agree with the poll option that personality changes are more likely to end a marriage than appearance.

11

YMMV
If there was ever anything REALLY there… then there will Always be Something there.
…from the very longest rivers to the very deepest oceans, no matter what bridge I’ve stood on, I’ve always found this to be true.
YMMV

12

The key word is “committed.” If you’re really committed, then looks won’t matter.

13

I agree with the OP - people usually don’t change. Someone who is a bastard in youth and middle age will likely eventually become an “old bastard”.

14

Ok, explain. What does “commitment” mean in the context of a relationship? Obviously it doesn’t mean that a relationship can’t end, because married people, who publicly commit to each other, get divorced all the time.

And if looks don’t matter, then presumably sex doesn’t matter either, unless you are prepared to claim that you can be turned on by someone regardless of how they look. I guess many people subscribe to this viewpoint, considering how many marriages (other relationships too?) end up sexless at some point.

Sounds to me that committing to someone is a very bad deal.