I’m talking about romantice relationships, of course. Please note that one-night stands do not count as relationships for purposes of this discussion; neither do encounters with, ah, purveyors of commercial affection. However, fuck-buddy/friends-with-benefits do count.
Anyway…if you’ve been in such a relationship, how did it work out? Are you still in the relationship? If not, was the difference in physical attractiveness a factor in the breakup? Would you do it again, given the chance? Do you have any regrets about the way you acted in the relationship?
Awkward question, but I’ll be the first to jump in…my first boyfriend was, by generic standards, not nearly as attractive (by generic standards) as me. To the point that people assumed, when we broke up, that it was because i finally realized I “could do better.”
That wasn’t it at all, and we were together eight years; his physical appearance had nothing to do with why we broke up. Although it did become an issue towards the end; he became insecure and always assumed that guys were hitting on me. So what? was my attitude about it, but it worried him. And insecurity is the least attractive and most off-putting trait a person can have in a romantic relationship…somebody who needs constant reassurance becomes wearisome. I’ve never gone for the “obvious” guy. I go for sense of humor more than anything else; I don’t care about the rest. I don’t like poster boys.
But it’s one thing for me to say that and another thing for him to believe it.
Actually it was the fact that he didn’t work for two years, and was content to let me pay all the bills, that made me lose interest eventually. I don’t care if you work at a convenience store for minimum wage, but have enough respect for me to do SOMETHING.
My highschool sweetheart was much handsomer than I was pretty. It didn’t seem to matter much to either of us, but my lack of caring about fashion and makeup my have contributed to why he thought I wasn’t a keeper. His mom and sisters were all about perfect clothes and makeup.
I breifly dated a *very *beautiful man some years later, and if he’d been less pretty I probably would not have dated him. I wouldn’t date either of them again but I have no regrets.
Most of my other boyfriends and my husband are about my level of attractive.
Most of my relationships have been with women that are about as attractive as me on a scale of 1-10; “Oh, they make a cute couple.”
Several years ago, I dated a woman that I struggled to find attractive for about a month. Yes, her looks were a factor in our breakup; there were other things, too, but I’d say if she was more attractive, I would have worked harder to make the relationship successful. I feel bad about it; she was brilliant.
I dated a girl in college for about three months who was professional level beautiful and then broke it off. Never could get anyone to believe I broke it off. But she was borderline psychotic and I just didn’t want to be around to see which side of the border she settled on. It’s been said many times and many ways but for every super-model out there, there is some guy who just couldn’t take one more day of her shit.
Yes to both. Several girlfriends have been real hotties, several have been “average” (but still quite attractive) and I recall the first girl I dated in college was, in hindsight, pretty unattractive, both looks and personality.
Yes both ways. I briefly dated a girl in college who was, frankly, stunning. I don’t think it was a primary issue (she had serious issues with her ex), but it did make me self-conscious, which probably didn’t help. I’ve also dated a couple girls who were fun, and kinda cute, but overweight, while I’m not. I mean, I’m no Adonis, but I’m in better shape than a lot of America.
Any man I’m smitten with is drop dead gorgeous, just ask me.
Seriously, I’ve never thought of any of the guys I’ve dated as less attractive than me, but I suppose a few of them were, as Audrey Levens said, less “generically” attractive, which people have occasionally (unbelievably rudely) felt the need to mention. I remember a particular instance of ‘what are you doing with that guy’ where I got pissed off enough to say (and I wish I could attribute this correctly, because I’m sure I didn’t make it up, but it was nearly twenty years ago) “He’s brilliant and he makes me laugh. But I wouldn’t expect you to get that, so… he’s got a 12 inch dick, and he’s 6’4” when he stands on his wallet."
I can’t think of an instance where discrepancy in physical attractiveness was cause of a breakup. My current boyfriend insists that I’m wildly out of his league, but… well, I’m smitten. He’s drop-dead gorgeous.
My hubby, having just hit 50, is now ‘on par’ with me, looks-wise. But when I was 22, and he was 24, and we had just started dating, he was, by far, better looking than me. In fact, he had an older brother (passed on, now) who never liked me because he was sure his ‘baby bro’ could ‘do better’.
When we started dating, I was morbidly obese. He had a 33" waist (he still has a 33" waist, but now it’s underneath another 11" or so. . .)
He had almost-black super-curly hair (still does, other than the few silvers that have snuck in, but I envy him, because his hair isn’t going gray, it’s going silver, much more attractive), incredible blue eyes, long eyelashes, great facial bones (still); and he still has a pair of the most beautiful hands I’ve ever seen. He’s not socially. . .accomplished (he’s a geek; it comes with the territory. A lot of people think he’s an Aspie, though neither of us think so), so I think a lot of people don’t notice his better traits. In fact, I didn’t notice them until we’d been dating for a while. I just liked him because. . .I liked him. After some months of dating, one morning I woke up, looked at him, and thought “Wow, he’s got incredible eyes!”
In the past five years, I’ve had weight-loss surgery and dropped 125lbs. and he’s picked up about 70lbs. That makes us more-or-less equal on the ‘looks’ scale.
Doesn’t matter much now, because we love each other, which makes looks less relevant. He’s still got incredible hands, though. . .
I had a purely physical relationship in college with a girl I thought was just on the bad side of mediocre when it came to looks. I didn’t really want that type of thing with her, but man, did she wear me down over many months. At some point, constant flattery and flirting seem to have the same effect as liquor. I finally gave in, but was very clear with her that it was and always would be entirely physical, and nothing beyond that (aside from looks, she wasn’t mentally or emotionally my type). A few weeks later, she moved.
I’m currently married to a woman who is way more attractive than I. So really, I sort of lucked out both times.
My first boyfriend was much better looking than I was (or am). We were together for about 4 years, then I went abroad for a year, then we were together again for about 6 months.
If the looks difference was a factor, it may have been in the way he treated me, and in the way I accepted it. He liked to “tease” me by saying mean things about my looks. I didn’t slug him and walk out. I just kept taking it and taking it. We ended up breaking up just because we had grown too far apart while I was out of the country.
We stayed friends for a while after wards, until one time he called me when I wasn’t home and left me a message. He spent the first part of his message making fun of my outgoing message, and it suddenly hit me how much of this crap I had endured over the years. I didn’t return the call, and I haven’t spoken to him since. I doubt he knows why.
Oh, yes, this was not too long after he decided he wasn’t going to be gay any more, and that our years together (not to mention all the other gay sex he had had) was just a phase. I wonder how that’s working out for him?
Roddy
Everybody agrees that my partner is strikingly hot . . . and I am strikingly not. What bothers me are the people who just assume that he’d jump at the chance of being with someone better looking than I am. I’m right there, next to him, and they’re flirting with him as if I were invisible.
In spite of them, we’re still together after 22.5 years.
I’m not exactly Mr. Universe myself, but I once briefly dated someone who looked a bit like an anorexic, balding, dishwater blond Steve Buscemi. For some reason, though, I was smitten–I sincerely thought he was smoking hot.
It was only after we broke up for completely unrelated reasons that my friends’ cries of “him? really? REALLY?” began to make sense.
My problem with this question is a problem I have in life generally: I can’t really gauge my own attractiveness. I’m not tall, which doesn’t help my confidence, and am often insecure enough to think I look like a dreadful swamp-beast. My weight fluctuates too, between 10-20 lbs more than I’d like to be, but… when I’m at a reasonable weight I notice that I do get checked out by women quite a bit, and many of my female friends and exes tell me I’m good looking; this weekend someone described me as “strikingly handsome” - not to my face, but to a third party who then told me, which gave the observation more validity and made me happy.
So with that in mind, I have been out with three or four people in the 8-10 range over the years. My ex wife is a tall dark Irish beauty, and the girl I was with just after her was even better looking (as I’ve said in other threads, she looked uncannily like Lucy Pinder, in both face and body). Both of those relationships broke up for reasons other than a disparity in looks, or at least I’d like to think so. The rest I’d put on the 6-7 scale.
However, last year I dated a girl I’d put on the 4-5 level of attractiveness, but who had a massive, vibrant and hilarious personality that overrode her looks. When we were in the relationship, though, this personality evaporated and she became needy and clingy, and then all of a sudden I had a clingy and needy girl I wasn’t really physically attracted to. And yes, that was a major factor in me breaking up with her. If she’d have been needy and clingy but hot, I would probably have put up with her for longer. I am shallow.
I’ve been on both sides of this. Back when I was younger, skinnier and much more attractive, I dated a couple gomers. They were sweet, fun, cool… but not the hot ones. And I had such low self confidence that I wouldn’t have even gone after the hot ones.
But in my late college years/post college years, I put on some weight and wasn’t so foxy anymore. But it didn’t stop me from having a fuck buddy relationship with a super fine ex-Marine friend of mine. God he was hot. And I was kinky enough for him. It worked.
