So I recently broke it off with my “on again off again” GF. This time it’s going to stick and there is no going back. (The break up was mutual FWIW)
So along with all the usual feelings of ending a LTR, there’s this annoying little voice in the back of my head telling me: “You’re never going to get someone that attractive again.”
Which is not only depressing but kind of makes me feel like a dick.
To be clear, I’m not looking for any sympathy here. Because there is certainly none warranted.
I’m just currious if anyone else has had similar (unwanted) feelings.
I thought my ex was a perfect 10. But there was one night, lying next to him in bed, when I remember thinking, “Here is a man I would have given anything to be with, but right now I don’t want to be anywhere near him.” We broke up shortly thereafter, and I did have the feeling that I’d never again find a man that attractive.
But then I met my husband, and in comparison my ex was demoted to a perfect 9.
Two very hot years, but she was utterly unable to understand the word “commitment” and went back to her husband on (more or less) a whim. Then almost immediately had an affair while maintaining reconciliation. Her life went down the toilet in unexpected ways, and I was/am glad not to be attached to her for that ride.
I have broken up with girls of different levels of attractiveness, as we all have. Yeah yeah, gender specific.
I have to admit that I never felt the way you describe. I was always more affected by whether or to what degree I loved them. That didn’t equate with how generically attractive they were.
I also never felt that I was “never going to get someone that attractive again”.
That being said, I’ve now been married for the past 28 years and I’m old.
So yeah, I never WILL get someone that attractive again.
I’m sure she’s thinking the same thing about you, Grrr!
My advice would be not to add to an already shitty situation by feeling guilty about what are basically normal thoughts you have no control over. I suspect the shine of her good looks will wear off fast once you are in a healthy relationship and totally into someone else.
Yeah, I did that. Not particularly proud of my thoughts, but they were there. Not ashamed, either.
Thing is, what I found attractive changed later in life. The woman I married would be a catch and a half even if she wasn’t good looking. Because she’s nice. And very creative. As a plus, she’s pretty good looking, too. Not like the 5’8" 115 lb 34DD women I see on every TV show or billboard, but I dare say she turns me on like no other woman I ever dated.
Some of us manage to get the job done whether we are conventionally attractive or not. I think many people would benefit from letting go of even a little bit of their attachment to an ideal body/facial type or whatever. When you meet a mind-blowingly awesome, compassionate, smart, funny, witty person, they become the hottest thing imaginable. I’m firmly in the ‘‘average’’ department on the attractiveness scale, but my mere existence drives my husband wild. I’m quite certain he could have found a woman more attractive than me, but one more awesome than me? Dubious. We fit together and that’s really what stokes our passion, more than the superficial stuff, and I promise neither of us are as good looking at 34 as we were at 19, when we first met, but fifteen years later we are just as attracted to one another now as we were then.
So you may never find someone as conventionally attractive as she was (or maybe you will), but that doesn’t mean you won’t find someone you find irresistibly hotter.
Looks ain’t everything. The fish I most regret letting go, in hindsight, was no supermodel. But she was wonderful. And we may even have been compatible, which is a rare thing in my case, to say the least. The reason I didn’t get too invested was that, well, I didn’t think she was pretty enough. Boy, was I a shallow dumbass when I was younger. I hope she’s doing well. Which she probably is.
It’s all pretty moot, as my life imploded for a while not too long after that, and she would have been lost in the fallout anyway. But these days, if I was to pick one of my exes for a second go around, it would be her. I don’t particularly miss any of the more superficially attractive ones. Which is something of a surprise, since I didn’t realize it at the time.
I never dated her but I passed on pursuing a relationship with a truly beautiful woman that was giving me all kinds of positive signals. I met her right after I got divorced, when I took my first college class. She looked really great at school and one night I ran into her at a nightclub. She was all dolled up for clubbing and looked fantastic. And gave me more positive signals! And she had an amazing voice, very musical, I loved listening to her talk.
The problem?
I was about 28 and she was probably mid to late 30s. I had it in my head that I needed to find someone younger than me. My age at the oldest. And I wanted to replace what I once thought I had with my ex, so I was looking for something long term.
What an idiot I was!
Not exactly what the OP was looking for but this thread brought that all back, 30+ years later.
Yes. And I really didn’t feel bad about it. As a friend has sometimes said “Remember — for every super-model out there, there is at least one guy who couldn’t put up with her crap one day longer”.
When I was younger, I had a stunning girlfriend. The type who turned heads and stopped traffic. It was fascinating watching people as we would pass them. The would first notice her, of course, then look at me, check her again and then you could actually watch the question formed on their furrowed brows. "How much money does he have.
Guys would stare at her, women would look critically at her clothes, looking for flaws I suppose.
She was batshit crazy, of course and we were constantly fighting. She was continually trying to make me jealous by allowing random guys to flirt with her. The make-up sex was like a drug, but she drove me nuts.
I’ve only really been involved with 3 people that I broke up with. The last thinks he’s extremely good looking but he has such an ugly personality that it doesn’t matter in the slightest.
There’s a saying, paraphrased, ‘For every hot girl, there’s a guy that’s sick of putting up with her shit’. I’ve had/have a few friends like that…the hot female ones. None that I would date, ever. These are the girls that are absolutely gorgeous, just in general, then they get all dolled up to go out at night and guys throw themselves at them. The problem is, they’re all well aware of how good looking they are and know exactly how to use it.
Anyways, in one example a friend of mine reconnected with an old fling. She calls me up to meet him. It’s me, her and an old boyfriend that I’ve never met. We’re at a restaurant. She goes to the bathroom, the guy looks at me, again we’ve never met, he has zero idea of how well I do or don’t know her, and says ‘omg, I’ve got to get out of here, I hate her so much’.
It was kind of amusing. I don’t know if he got laid before dinner or thought he would and didn’t, but I’m guessing he was hoping their reunion wouldn’t last that long.
I have two things I’m really into, when it comes to sexual attraction: large breasts and hypnosis. This chick is a freakin’ J-cup who happens to be a licensed hypnotherapist. She’s also a Trump supporter.
As I said to a lightly-endowed friend of mine, “Breast tissue and brain tissue seem to be made of the same stuff; when God gives you a lot of one, you don’t get so much of the other.”
