According to some people, personality & attitude are the most important traits to look for in a person. Looks, on the other hand, are still at play, but would you rather date someone with a great personality/attitude, but average looking? Or an attractive person with a sub-par personality/attitude?
Now, I understand that everyone has their own personal preferences when it comes to dating, but sometimes, I wish that people would focus more on someone’s personality rather than their looks.
Depends on what you want the other person for. My junk has an attention span that is measured in minutes. My mind (where I spend most of my time) is not so easily satisfied–anyone who can tolerate and entertain me is a keeper no matter what they look like. Pretty on the outside/ugly on the inside is a hard pass.
I’m a personality person myself. Not to say I’m not a shallow asshole - the women I’ve dated so far have all been distinctly average in appearance. Were I to meet somebody that I found truly hideous for one reason or another, it’s entirely possible that I would recoil rather than giving them a chance - like I said, I’m shallow. But it most certainly goes the other way - you can be pretty as a picture but if I think you’re a horrible person then it’s over.
I do use appearance as an estimator of personality. For example if you look (and smell) like you haven’t bathed in a week, I might make the unfounded assumption that you’re not a neat freak. If you’re covered with tattoos, I might make the assumption that you’re far too interesting a person for boring old me to get along with. It’s all extremely unfounded and probably bigoted, but like I sad: I’m an asshole.
What’s left out in the OP is an underrated trait on which I place high value - a pleasant voice.
I am fortunate to have an SO with a highly pleasing voice and laugh (which I do my best to encourage on a frequent basis). Based on what I hear in public (and especially in the workplace), a high percentage of women have harsh, loud, grating voices which I would find difficult or impossible to tolerate on a continual basis, whatever their other attributes (an atrocious laugh/cackle/screech which would send crows squawking for cover is awarded negative bonus points).
Y’know, it depends on a lot of factors. One day a physically attractive person might be my preference, another day an average looking person with chemistry might do the trick. Isn’t it that way with everyone?
By comparison, do you have the exact same meal every time you dine?
My experience is that how I perceive the attractiveness of someone is in direct proportion to how much I like them.
Those I have loved, even when I could tell that most people would not find them good-looking, they were beautiful to me. Conversely, there have been people that I do not find good looking, even when many people find them so, because I do not like them (Sam I am)
This is exactly the correct answer.
When I was younger perhaps appearance played a bigger role.
A quality you did not mention: the ability to laugh at Life.
~VOW
This.
I can think of more than one instance in which someone who at first I found very physically attractive said or did something that made it clear to me that they weren’t good people. If there was no existing close relationship, the physical attraction cut off like a switch. If there was, it might take a while longer for the attraction to disappear, but it still happened.
I can also think of cases in which people who I at first thought unattractive became more physically attractive to them as I got to know them better; because in those cases, knowing them better lead to liking them better.
I think you’re asking a bigger question than you realize – maybe even two or more questions.
Like **Begbert **and Inigo, I think the type of stranger I’d want to ask out on a first date would have a lovely face and (ideally) body. In reality, though, I’m not the type to ask out strangers that I meet at parties or clubs or bars.
On the other hand, the type of person I’d want to be dating (continuously) is someone who I’ve learned has a level of compassion and altruism that is compatible with mine (or at least how I perceive my own to be).
And, by that time, it helps if they can still tolerate my jokes.
…and cooking.
–G!
Now some Tarot Card shark said,
“I’ll draw you a heart.
We’ll find you somebody else new.”
Well I’ve made my last trip
to those carnivalists
When I bet all that I had on you.
…–Jon Bongiovi (Bon Jovi)
…It’s Hard (Letting You Go)
…These Days
Personality is more important, but looks get more initial attention.
Everything is important and none of them are important. In the end, every person is a whole person and not a sum of es traits.
The important thing is they have a cool car.
Attitude. A humorous person with a great laugh is a must.
My determination of someone’s good looks are my own. Your mileage will vary, of course. The heart wants what the heart wants.
Oh, who am I kidding. My N is too small to say anything at all about what traits are important. And that’s even if I trust self-reported evaluations in the first place.
Hah!
Brains. Looks deteriorate, brains don’t (until the end, that is.)
And I always preferred women of above average intelligence and average or below average looks to those with above average looks and average or below average intelligence.
Penis height. Too low or too high is a problem.
If I don’t find someone physically attractive, not gonna happen. That doesn’t mean “average-looking” can’t be attractive however.
Personality goes a long ways. “Attitude” is a subset of personality so I’m just gonna say that’s important tool. I’m not going to be happy with an idiot. So very quickly the two come into play.
I could easily get with someone I found physically attractive, and still be happy if their physical attractiveness diminished, if they had a good personality.