Loopy Limericks

A farm girl was milking a cow
When the teat that she yanked went “kapow!”
She was thrown 'cross the barn
And cried out, “Oh, darn!”

A farm girl was milking a cow
When the teat that she yanked went “kapow!”
She was thrown 'cross the barn
And cried out, “Oh, darn!
Udderly gaseous and rather lowbrow.”

She opened her present carefully so.

She opened her present carefully so
She could re-use that great bow

She opened her present carefully so
She could re-use that great bow
Her beau thought it pretty

She opened her present carefully so
She could re-use that great bow
Her beau thought it pretty
And with alacrity

She opened her present carefully so
She could re-use that great bow
Her beau thought it pretty
And with alacrity
His dick had a ribbon chapeau

Jane knew a trick with her tongue

Jane knew a trick with her tongue
She could shove it down into her lung

Jane knew a trick with her tongue
She could shove it down into her lung
Her heartbeat would quicken

Jane knew a trick with her tongue
She could shove it down into her lung
Her heartbeat would quicken
with upchuck she’d sicken

Jane knew a trick with her tongue
She could shove it down into her lung
Her heartbeat would quicken
with upchuck she’d sicken
Yet you could hear every note that was sung.

There once was a comet Hale-Bopp

There once was a comet Hale-Bopp
As pretty as any dew drop

There once was a comet Hale-Bopp,
As pretty as any dew drop.
Could be seen with the eye

There once was a comet Hale-Bopp,
As pretty as any dew drop.
Could be seen with the eye
I don’t mean to imply

There once was a comet Hale-Bopp,
As pretty as any dew drop.
Could be seen with the eye
I don’t mean to imply
Fat, but a few pounds it could chop

As I dug out some sod in the yard

As I dug out some sod in the yard
I found an identity card

As I dug out some sod in the yard
I found an identity card
It belonged to my spouse

As I dug out some sod in the yard
I found an identity card
It belonged to my spouse
Who I drug from the house

As I dug out some sod in the yard
I found an identity card
It belonged to my spouse
Who I drug from the house
Dismembered, and partially charred

A pirate with a leg carved from oak

A pirate with a leg carved from oak
Great sorrows in rum he did soak

A pirate with a leg carved from oak
Great sorrows in rum he did soak
He said to his parrot