Loopy Limericks

There once was a Martian named Todd,
Who was facing a firing squad
For myriad crimes

There once was a Martian named Todd,
Who was facing a firing squad
For myriad crimes
Like torturing all the limes

There once was a Martian named Todd,
Who was facing a firing squad
For myriad crimes
Like torturing all the limes
and praying to a multi-armed god


On Tuesdays I go to my doctor

On Tuesdays I go to my doctor
But what she saw this week shocked her

On Tuesdays I go to my doctor
But what she saw this week shocked her
Deep in my navel

On Tuesdays I go to my doctor
But what she saw this week shocked her
Deep in my navel
There grows a witch hazel

On Tuesdays I go to my doctor
But what she saw this week shocked her
Deep in my navel
There grows a witch hazel
Emitting a fine scent for my nasals


One day I went to my witch doctor

One day I went to my witch doctor
But alas! The AMA had blocked her

One day I went to my witch doctor
But alas! The AMA had blocked her
So she left the profession

One day I went to my witch doctor
But alas! The AMA had blocked her
So she left the profession
Weird fungi her obsession

One day I went to my witch doctor
But alas! The AMA had blocked her
So she left the profession
Weird fungi her obsession
Micologists everywhere mocked her


I eat just one raisin for breakfast

I eat just one raisin for breakfast
And for lunch a single pea to ingest

I eat just one raisin for breakfast
And for lunch a single pea to ingest
For dinner, a sprout

I eat just one raisin for breakfast
And for lunch a single pea to ingest
For dinner, a sprout
Did I leave anything out?

I eat just one raisin for breakfast
And for lunch a single pea to ingest
For dinner, a sprout
Did I leave anything out?
Oh… half a sugar lump just before bedrest


The people are happy in Florida

The people are happy in Florida
Grand Festival time for the Great Pooh-Bah

The people are happy in Florida
Grand Festival time for the Great Pooh-Bah
He’ll come out of his cave

The people are happy in Florida
Grand Festival time for the Great Pooh-Bah
He’ll come out of his cave
And dance at a rave

The people are happy in Florida
Grand Festival time for the Great Pooh-Bah
He’ll come out of his cave
And dance at a rave
And don his panties and a bra


I wish I was a girlie, like my dear papa

I wish I was a girlie, like my dear papa
Though many might find it improppa’