Loopy Limericks

Don’t give me none of your lip
I have zero interest in your drip
If you need a tissue,
It’s not a big issue

Don’t give me none of your lip
I have zero interest in your drip
If you need a tissue,
It’s not a big issue
Not sorry, I shoot from the hip

Sophie hates back-to-school time

Sophie hates back-to-school time
All summer long she worked as a mime

Sophie hates back-to-school time
Even though she has Amazon Prime

Sophie hates back-to-school time
All summer long she worked as a mime
She was trapped in a box

Sophie hates back-to-school time
All summer long she worked as a mime
She was trapped in a box
So she reached in her socks

Sophie hates back-to-school time
All summer long she worked as a mime
She was trapped in a box
So she reached in her socks
For the key, and stayed there for all-time.

My TV won’t show me Fox news

My TV won’t show me Fox News
I am thus denied the right to choose

My TV won’t show me Fox News
I am thus denied the right to choose
Gotta go with Breitbart

My TV won’t show me Fox News
I am thus denied the right to choose
Gotta go with Breitbart
While I’m lighting my fart

My TV won’t show me Fox News
I am thus denied the right to choose
Gotta go with Breitbart
While I’m lighting my fart
So another ten brain cells I’ll lose.

As I carefully opened the door

As I carefully opened the door
Selling quaint volumes of forgotten lore

As I carefully opened the door
Selling quaint volumes of forgotten lore
Was an old timey wizard

As I carefully opened the door
Selling quaint volumes of forgotten lore
Was an old timey wizard
astride a snaggletoothed lizard

As I carefully opened the door
Selling quaint volumes of forgotten lore
Was an old timey wizard
Astride a snaggletoothed lizard
But I took him out with my claymore


As I charged the enemy bunker

As I charged the enemy bunker
I recalled words of the famous spelunker:

As I charged the enemy bunker
I recalled words of the famous spelunker:
Don’t fear the darkness

As I charged the enemy bunker
I recalled words of the famous spelunker:
Don’t fear the darkness
Sayeth Richard Harkness

As I charged the enemy bunker
I recalled words of the famous spelunker:
Don’t fear the darkness
Sayeth Richard Harkness
And watch out for Kaiser Bill’s Junker!

With the speed of autumnal molasses

With the speed of autumnal molasses
The Rock put his boot to some asses