Loopy Limericks

Two tigers were talking of prey
A poor pathetic example of a stray
Hungry, they were
But don’t let me demur

Two tigers were talking of prey
A poor pathetic example of a stray
Hungry, they were
But don’t let me demur
They enjoyed a cute puppy buffet


I’ve gained five and a half stone

I’ve gained five and a half stone
The scale is starting to groan

I’ve gained five and a half stone.
The scale is starting to groan.
Though I claim “water weight”

I’ve gained five and a half stone.
The scale is starting to groan.
Though I claim “water weight”
And a genetic trait

I’ve gained five and a half stone.
The scale is starting to groan.
Though I claim “water weight”
And a genetic trait
I crave milkshake and burger and scone!

My love for cheap beer shows no ending

My love for cheap beer shows no ending
It’s deep and requires no defending

My love for cheap beer shows no ending
It’s deep and requires no defending
Be it Busch, Pabst, or Bud

My love for cheap beer shows no ending
It’s deep and requires no defending
Be it Busch, Pabst, or Bud
my veins aren’t for blood

My love for cheap beer shows no ending
It’s deep and requires no defending
Be it Busch, Pabst, or Bud
my veins aren’t for blood
My “Drink Yourself Well!”’s (patent pending)

Bill carried a very big stick

Bill carried a very big stick
Carved like a circumsized prick

Bill carried a very big stick
Carved like a circumsized prick
Unlike his own

Bill carried a very big stick
Carved like a circumsized prick
Unlike his own
Which was a small bone

Bill carried a very big stick
Carved like a circumsized prick
Unlike his own
Which was a small bone
For his bodily candle, a wick!

What makes me go weak at the knees?

What makes me go weak at the knees?
The delectable smell of limburger cheese!

What makes me go weak at the knees?
The delectable smell of limburger cheese!
And a whiff of old beef

What makes me go weak at the knees?
The delectable smell of limburger cheese!
And a whiff of old beef
An old witch’s queef

What makes me go weak at the knees?
The delectable smell of limburger cheese!
And a whiff of old beef
An old witch’s queef
And the aroma which is irresistible to fleas


I dunno what I’ll be for Hallo’ween

I dunno what I’ll be for Hallo’ween
It’ll prob’ly have fangs and prob’ly be green

I dunno what I’ll be for Hallo’ween
It’ll prob’ly have fangs and prob’ly be green
With large flipper arms