Yay! I get to tell the good (ahem) news first!
So who would you cast?
Definitely Clay Aiken as an Elf.
Well, there was lots of song and drink in the book, so I guess it is not that far a stretch - though I would imagine with considerable editing - as even hard core LOTR fans probably wouldn’t be all that interested in a 9 hour musical.
Celine Dion as Gollum. No makeup required.
laughing hysterically
britney spears as the Witch King
::trying to erase the mental image of a Nazgul chorus line::
heh heh…
One (ring)! Singular sensation, every person that it takes!
Yeah, sorry about that.
Check this out:
www.thelordoftheringsmusical.com
The music sounds vaguely Cirque du Soleil to me, which brings in a whole host of … interesting visuals.
“Cirque du Soleil presents… The Lord of the Rings, brought to you by Buick. Built to last.”
Oh yes, and I hope that the horses won’t be played by patseys banging coconuts…
To bad we lost Troy McClure (Phil Hartman). Remember him in Planet of the Apes? That’d be my Gandalf.
I don’t even know what to say. There are times when I am ashamed to even admit to working in theatre. Not a single person should get cast in this terrible idea. sigh. Although, Sebastian Bach was soooo good in Jeckyll & Hyde, I’m sure he could play Gandolf. :rolleyes:
stupid theatre industry doing stupid things without asking stupid me first. Stupid people trying to make money on spectacle and not on ideas. All these great playwrights out there and they have to re-hash something that’s been done better than they could ever do it. And, to top it all off, they made it a musical. Ooohhh, the horror. The horror!
No, he’d have to be the human. It’s the part he was born to play.
Sauron’s Solo
chorus
I want my ring back
Oh yes my ring back
Those horrid little hobbits they have stolen it from me!
Let fly the Nazgul
They’ll be so fearful
Please go and get my ring so I can rule in tyranny!
Oh people say that I am a bad fellow
But that’s where they have me all wrong
I’m really quite laid back and sort of mellow
Those elves have lied about me for too long
It started when I was hanging out with Melkor
Busting back some ales and having fun
Then Feanor and his brats they gave us what-for
And we had to fight with them under the sun
repeat chorus
Now later I helped the elves make nice jewelry
And I made a special gold ring just for me
But those elves they started with their tomfoolery
Just because into their minds it let me see
Well we had a little war which ended badly
I’m the victim in this tale you understand
They defeated my orc armies and then sadly
That brat Isildur cut my ring right off my hand
repeat chorus
Well I’m back now dwelling in my dark tower
Safe despite those mean old elves and men
I’m regaining much of my former power
And I swear I’ll get my ring back once again!
Now I heard that my gold band has been found
So I keep my Eye peeled for some news of it
And when I get it back I plan to really pound
Those elves and men into a pile of…
music swells and slows
I… WANT… MY… ring back.
I want my ring back.
finish chorus and repeat once more
Four little men from the Shire are we,
Short as a Shire-man well can be,
Filled to the brim with beer from Bree,
Four little men from the Shire!
Never mind.
Hey! Come derry dol! Hop along my hearties!
Hobbits! Ponies all! We are fond of parties,
Now let the fun begin! Let us sing together
Of sun, stars, moon and mist…
No, no. That will never do. Better cut the whole scene.
He’s Istari and he’s okay!
He sleeps all night and casts spells all day!
When the moon hits your Ring
Like the blade of Glammdring
That’s a Nazgul…
When the Mithril it shines
Like you’ve had too much wine
That’s a Nazgul…
Saruman and Sauron:
We are the evil ones and we’re okay
We kill all night and we loot all day!
We cut down trees, we eat our lunch, we go to the lavatree…
On Sundays we go lootin’, we drink Elvish blood for tea!
Merry and Pippin:
The trees are alive, and I think they’re angry
As they haven’t been for a thousand years
The trees are alive, and are very hasty
My heart wants to run from every tree of which it hears…
Fellowship on Anduin:
We all live in a yellow ship you’ve seen
yellow ship you’ve seen
yellow ship you’ve seen
We all live in a…yeah. Right.
Griknash
Shackles and handcuffs and things that restrain you
Whips, clubs, and lashes and things that will pain you
Acid and salt and the things that will sting
These are a few of my faaaaayyvorite things…
When you see a king
Corrupted by a ring
You can bet it’s the workings of the Dark Lord…
When a Nazgul comes by in the dead of the night
All the villagers will cry and probably die from terrible fright.
When you see Saruman
Abandoning Aman
You can bet that he’s probably out of his gourd…
Call him evil, call him a liar
From Rohan to the Shire
You can bet it’s the workings of the Dark Lord!
With apologies to fans of Guys and Dolls.
I have some ideas
The Big Ensemble (or “Money”) Numbers (not in any particular order)
[ul]
[li]The Opening Hobbit Number: I mean, c’MON, gotta have this one. A cross between “Oklahoma” and something Gilbert & Sullivan-ish.[/li][li]The Council of Elrond: Rousing inspirational Les-Miz-style revolutionary number (once they’ve all decided on what to do.)[/li][li]Shagrat vs. Gorbag: In the musical, this could be the comic relief farcical brawl number, with orcs (carefully choreographed) falling over each other, running all over the place, colliding with hilarious armor clanks, bopping each other over the head with pieces of castle, dying with over-acted groans, with honky-tonk piano in the background. Frodo getting passed around drunkenly, narrowly escaping death several times, that sort of thing. [/li][/ul]
Poignant, or not-so Poignant Solos and Duets
[ul]
[li]Frodo: “Do I Dare Take the Ring?” (in the middle of the council)[/li][li]Shelob: Feed me, Samwise! Feed me all night loooooooooong.[/li][li]Aragorn and Eowyn, natch: “I Love My Elf, But Oh You Kid…” or “Because I Love Thee”[/li][li]Saruman: Eeeeeeeeeeesy streeeeeet…[/li][li]Denethor a la King Herod: Soooo, you’re MithranDIR, yeeess, the GREAT MithranDIR!! Prove to me that you’re diviiine, turn those Nazgul into SWINE! [/li][/ul]
Miscellaneous Ideas
[ul]
[li]Cracks of Doom: Gollum rides the chandelier down to the edge of the lavapit.[/li][li]Bilbo as a Narrator in a little footstool over in the corner of the stage: Hey all that expository dialog: why burden the active characters with it?[/li][/ul]
FWIW, I think that it would work pretty well as Opera.
We’re Sargeant Frodo’s Lonely Hobbits Ring Band…