Try to take one moment at a time, and try to remember that you will feel better eventually. It takes time, and sometimes it seems never-ending, but you’ll pull through.
I second the recommendation for counseling. It’s great to get a chance to vent. And for hands on therapeutic work, I found leather work to be very healing. BAM! BAM! BAM! all that hammering was a balm to my soul.
I know you don’t know me well, but I’m a good listener and I’m online practically all the time, so feel free to email or im me.
I probably can’t say anything better than what’s been said already. But I will say this: Write it down fast and dirty everyday and don’t look read it. Then pick it up in a year, and see how you’ve evolved.
Shit. I hate it when I sound condescending.
I don’t mean to sound like I’m taking you lightly with my “you’ll feel better eventually,” Tibs. I just remember being in very similar circumstances, and feeling like it would NEVER end…but eventually, it did. Just hang in there by whatever means necessary, and know that your friends and the world will still be waiting when you get back on your feet emotionally.
Tibs, my heart hurts for you. A year ago my husband and I split up. There were days when I thought “if I can make it through the next 15 minutes I’ll be o.k.” There were times I would get into my car and drive and scream as loud as I could. I couldn’t eat. One day as I driving home I said to myself “if I were dead I wouldn’t have to feel the pain.” But I never considered suicide–it just struck me how much it hurt. What I’m trying to say is that you will have days that SUCK. And that’s o.k. That’s how grieving works. I add my voice to the suggestion of getting therapeuticized. There’s nothing un-manly about it. It will help you work through the grief, loneliness and anger. Talk to your friends. I thank everyone who listened to me–sometimes that’s all I wanted was to vent. Keep yourself occupied. Fortunately I had a job that I just started (that I love) and the Wonder Pony to take care of and ride. And remember that time is the only healer. It’s trite but true. Your grief will pass.
Tibs.
Dang… wish I knew what to say.
Suffice to say that I think I know a little bit of how you feel (GrizzWife and I were expecting boy/girl twins nearly two years ago, and our daughter died three days after being born)
But, if I may, let me offer this site http://www3.fertilethoughts.com/forums/index
The IVillage site earlier posted is probably a site better suited for your trauma, but you might also find some help at FertileThoughts.
Best wishes.
“If you gotta be a bear, be a Grizzly. If you gotta be a shark, be a Great White!”
<holds up clenched paw in solidarity>
Try an organization called *Compassionate Friends[/] - a support group for people who have lost children of any age - from miscarriages to adult children. A friend of mine found support and comfort from her local group.
It is not uncommon for the loss of a child to cause a relationship to unravel. Folks in this group have had just about every experience you can imagine and some you can’t that resulted from the death of a child.
My condolences for you, and your ex: times like these are never easy.
Just remember to take things one step at a time: enough steps and suddenly you’ll realize that you’re now feeling better and the world is all right once again.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know the caring prayers of others helped me through the loss of my daughter 8 years ago. Things will get better, but I know the terrible pain you’re suffering now and understand. Take care.
When my world crumbled, I bought a heavy bag and mounted it in the garage. (Tip: Use wrist supports. Sometimes you’re angrier than you thought, and sprained wrists hurt a lot.)
In any event…best wishes for happier times, and good luck.
Know that you are in my prayers.