The minimum age across the United States for sexual contact is 14.
That means that a 17 year old who sleeps with a 13 year old is committing a crime. And one more severe than just statutory rape.
I think you are being judgemental. I know I was cognizant when I was fourteen of where I was sexually, and I know with the partner I was with that he knew what he wanted. There was no pressure… and in fact, he was the one who made it clear what he wanted. I was not the aggressor. I realize that if his parents had wanted to, they would have been able to press charges as would he if he decided to.
He’s the only underage person I’ve ever been with, and it was a unique circumstance. I do see the power issues inherent in this, and how some people may not be able to see that free will and personal choice might play a factor in this.
]
Me either. Don’t really want to. Most people at my age who do that (looking at the responses so far) are totally alienated from who they do it with. Don’t want to sword of Damacles hanging over my head like that. No real desire right now to either.
Sure, some (few) states are 14, but the majority are 16.
And you say right here that you knew it was illegal.
I don’t care how mature you think he was, he was a child.
I don’t care to hijack this thread any furthur. Start a pit thread about it if you feel it necessary, but I don’t think we’re going to resolve anything there either. I think you’re wrong and you think you’re right.
We’re obviously not going to win each other over to our way of thinking, so we may as well not even bother.
I was eighteen. Hardly anyone believed I was still a virgin. It was on the couch in the basement of his house (still lived with his parents), while we were watching the TV miniseries “The Stand”. It wasn’t very good. I orgasmed, but I always do. I went home and cried after. He was probably not the right one to have as the first, but I can honestly say that I have only been with two guys, and I’m marrying the second in October.
I lost mine with the woman I married. We weren’t married at the time, BTW. I was 30. I didn’t wait that long by choice, it’s just that the opportunity never presented itself prior to meeting my wife. She’s the only woman I’ve “been with”.
So, I am neither in the “gave it away what a mistake” category nor in the “it was transcendent” category.
I more… disposed of it. Perhaps discarded it is the correct term? I was about 20 and I had this boyfriend who kind of doted on me, even though I was sorta mean to him (I had this need for control at that point in my life, it weren’t pretty). Anyhoo (imagine rmariamp tapping watch) “Time’s a-wastin’” she said to herself, “I ain’t gettin’ any younger and I’d like to get this over with.” One day instead of just fooling around, I well, fucked him. In his single out at the Dillard complex at William & Mary. Go Tribe! It was somewhat painful, no blood and totally my choice, and totally under my control. (In the relationship we had the BF was incapable of pressuring me.) It was a relief, really. So, we were together less than a year, I broke up with him via email while I was in Bulgaria, and then I would hide in the shrubbery whenever I would see him around campus, cause I realized how completely lame that was. (At the time, it seemed like a tremendous idea) But the losing the virginity part, I don’t regret at all. To my way of thinking, I had exactly the experience I wanted.
If, as you stated earlier in this thread, there is no catastrophic difference between being 18 and 17 what makes this different than an 18 year old and a 14 year old? The age difference is the same. Is there some kind of sexual epiphany that takes place when a child reaches 14 years of age?
Sue Duhnym and Hastur, as deferentially as possible, I’d like to invite you to take this…
no, not to the Pit.
To Great Debates.
I remember several months ago when matt_mcl described his first encounter, and got some rather jaundiced remarks about it. And I sincerely believe that on this board, it’s not a gay vs. straight question. Rather, it’s a question of people’s differing opinions of when someone (else) is ready for the Big Jump. (In general, they know when they themselves are ready! :rolleyes: ) And to what extent age difference makes a moral difference, if it indeed does.
I think that, divorced of any personal acrimony, it’s a question worth exploring in debate-style format – one on which different people, with evidence backing their views, may validly hold different opinions. And a serious enough question to be worth asking.
Oh, and to answer the OP: my first orgasm caused by another happened when I was 13; my first actual intercourse happened on my 26th birthday, ten minutes after I became engaged to the lady who has been for nearly 26 years my beloved and long-suffering wife.
[slight hijack]
rmariamp, you’re a William & Mary alum? What year?
– FP, class of '98
As for my first time, well, let’s just say it was a great deal more painful mentally than physically. And I envy the people for whom it was the other way around.
I was 18, it was my freshman year at OSU and she was my first college girlfriend. We had met downstairs shooting pool and playing euchre and started dating. I really don’t recall how long we had been together, but it couldn’t have been that long because I remember the date exactly: Sunday, October 20, 1991. My mother’s birthday is the 19th and I was going home that weekend. Friday, before leaving, we were up on my bunk, and I, wearing only the lambskin condom (so romantic) I’d prepared for just such an occasion, was poised on the edge of penetration.
The phone rings. It’s my father in the lobby, here to bring me home.
Dad: “Hey, I’m in the lobby.”
Mr. Panic: “Uhhhh. . . I’ll be down in a few minutes. You mind waiting?” (no longer thinking about sex, just about getting dressed)
Dad: “Nah, I’ll just come on up.” <click>
Mr. Freakingthehellout: “That was my dad. He’s coming up.” (I lived on the second floor)
Mad scramble to get dressed, she runs to our bathroom, I’m throwing on pants. My dad shows up as she’s exiting the bathroom and I’m pulling on a shirt. I give here a kiss and go home.
I get back Sunday and my roommates were kind enough to leave so we picked up where we left off. It was the first time (duh!) I realized I had the gift of “instant reload,” so my first time was also my second and third (though about an hour, hour-and-a-half, all told). We only dated another coupla’ weeks, mid-terms kept us from repeating the act more than once again and it was about 6 months before I had my next encounter, which is the only time I’ve had sex in a car, and that was the front-drivers-side of my friends Chevette with her best friend! But that’s another story entirely.
September 1992, aged 16 years and 14 days. Boyfriend of 6 months and I were staying in a tent in a friend’s yard. Planned it in advance, but decided to pluck up “Dutch Courage”, and had a bit to drink before hand. Had to keep the noise right down, as friends were in a tent right next to ours, and since the guy in the next tent had been told in no uncertainly terms that he wasn’t “getting any because I have my period” by his girlfriend, it was a fair bet that he’d be listening carefully to our tent
It didn’t really… work… we were both virgins, and he was… well endowed… It was painful, and there was a little blood, but we couldn’t get it to go further in. Nor the next time, or the time after that… when we finally broke up 5 months later, we had never successfully done the act, but we’d worked out lots of alternatives. I met a more experience man after that, and my problem was solved, and he must have figured it out at some stage because his fiancee is pregnant now.
I don’t regret losing my virginity with him, but I do regret buying into the prevailing attitude of the group that promiscuity was no big deal. I have done stupid things because of that mindset, and it took me years to learn that it just wasn’t worth it.
Um, there are differing opinions on when I lost my virginity. One possibility was with a friend, we had lived in the same neighborhood since we were babies. I was 15 and he was 16. We were in my garage. He was pretty large and as soon as it hurt I told him to stop. I say that doesn’t count. We’re still friends.
I say it was with his cousin who had come to live with my friend’s parents. He was younger and he lied to me about his age. I thought he was about to turn 15. He was actually about to turn 14 the next week. He flirted with me endlessly. He was very charming. Sometimes I’d let him kiss me. One day he showed up at my basement door so I let him in my room and one thing led to another. It was ok. Except my mom caught him in my room. I was never allowed to see him again. We’re not still friends.
I wish it had been with another boy from the neighborhood who I was madly in love with. But we dated off and on and didn’t have sex until his 18th birthday, the day before my 17th birthday.
Late bloomer here too. I was, if I remember, 28 or 30. I was dating a Wiccan while I was living in upsate New York. (My life at that time is the subject of another thread altogether.) We were going out to the movies to see The Color Purple (I think) but it started snowing and she wasn’t sure we’d be able to drive back in a blizzrd. On the way back home we started talking about sex and the fact that I was still a virgin came up and she tought it would be a good idea that that night be my first time. She was a good teacher. Huge tits, but she was very self-concious about them and wouldn’t take off her bra until the lights were off.
A very nice experience for both of us. She told me I was fairly well-endowed and I didn’t really believe her at the time, not having anything to compare against.
And I still get a small thrill when I hear the old song “Eleanor” but The Turtles.
Go Tribe! It was somewhat painful, no blood and totally my choice, and totally under my control. (In the relationship we had the BF was incapable of pressuring me.) It was a relief, really. So, we were together less than a year, I broke up with him via email while I was in Bulgaria, and then I would hide in the shrubbery whenever I would see him around campus, cause I realized how completely lame that was. (At the time, it seemed like a tremendous idea) But the losing the virginity part, I don’t regret at all. To my way of thinking, I had exactly the experience I wanted.
