I am absolutely steaming mad. Grrrrr.
So I just got an email from a friend of mine, and in it he mentioned two previous emails he’d sent me this week. I did not receive either of those emails. So I looked in my bulk folder, where yahoo email/pacbell.net is supposed to put things that it identifies as spam, and sure enough, there was an email from him, along with a flirtatious email from a doper of the female persuasion which, had this not randomly been brought to my attention, would have gotten extremely deleted.
I’ve been casually hitting the “empty” button on my bulk folder for months. Now I’m wrought with fury about what I might have missed.
In particular:
-On at least 3 or 4 occasions over the past 6 months, I’ve been in conversations with people I met online which (as I perceived it) died because they didn’t respond. Maybe they did respond! Maybe they thought I was the rude one. And if they did, their response is probably lost to me forever. As is, likely, their desire to communicate with me.
-Moreover, I’ve sent several carefully constructed emails to women on match.com recently, in which I really went out of my way to craft what I thought was a clever and genuine response to their online profile, and I repeatedly heard nothing back. Which sucks. In fact, I was just about ready to pit match.com women. But now, who knows?
-I also just recently got ahold of the email address of one of my best friends from high school, who I was very close to until a few years ago, when we sort of lost touch. Aha! I’ll email her, and we can get back into touch! What a seemingly clever and foolproof plan!
There are various things that make this even more infuriating… for one, I still get tons of spam in my actual non-bulk inbox. Which I figured was a necessary evil… because the filtering has to be careful not to filter our real and relevant email. But no, the damn filtering doesn’t work at all. In fact, given that it lost at least two real emails just over the weekend, it doesn’t work for shit. But what’s most frustrating about this is the not knowing. Maybe dozens of women on match.com have sent me emails lately flirting with me… Wonderful! Good for me! I deserve it! Or maybe none have sent me emails. Well, that’s not good news, but at least I would know. But now I don’t know. And I’m not sure I can track down all the profiles of women I emailed.
Not to mention all the other emails that I might have gotten from random people like, say, my parents, my friends, etc.
So, first of all, if any of you out there in Dopeland have tried to send me email, ever, and I didn’t respond, please try again. Now I know to read through everyone one of the hundreds of bulk emails I get every day. Sigh.
Secondly, what do you all think about me resending emails to women from match.com saying “hey, I emailed you once before, but my email system was faulty, so if you responded, I probably didn’t get it… sorry for the intrustion, and please feel free to let me know that you’re not interested” or what have you?
Thirdly, does anyone know if there’s any actual functioning anti-spam software that works with Yahoo Mail?
And since this is the pit, some flaming.
To the morons at Yahoo! and Pacbell… WRITE SPAM FILTERING SOFTWARE THAT WORKS, you fucking dolts. Or if you can’t, then don’t have any software at all. Or if you know it doesn’t work, and I click on “empty trash”, pop up a bloody warning that says “hey, our software is only so-so, you might want to go through this by hand”. But in this day and age of email communication, risking people losing actual meaningful email is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. I hope you win the lottery, and have many supermodels offer to have sex with you, but you miss all of those message. Assnibblets.
And most of all, to people who actually SEND spam, thus necessitating this whole goddamn nightmare, I have a polite invitation for you. First of all, find all the other threads, on this board and on others, on the topic of you. Search for “evil” “excruciatingly painful death” “should never have been born” and “the lowest scum ever to walk to the earth”; that should get most of them. Read them at great length. Ponder the things that people say about you. Which won’t accomplish anything, because you clearly have no soul, no humanity, no feelings, no respect for your fellow man, and no hope for Judeo-Christian salvation. But it will waste a bunch of your time, which seems fair. Then print them all out on super-expensive paper. Which will waste a bunch of your money. Which seems fair. Then ponder, briefly, the numerous reasons why your entire existence is pointless and self-defeating. For instance, why would you try to attach stuff to spam emails to help defeate spam blockers. Don’t you think anyone with a spam blockers is sufficiently anti-spam that they’re never ever ever going to buy any shit from you, and in fact, they hate you so much that they would deliberately run you over, repeatedly, if they got the chance? And then you can take all of those printouts of all of those threads, roll them up into a big wad, and beat your god damned worthless sub-human vulture-like souls to death. Which will give you more peace and oblivion than you deserve, you mephitic hunks of rotting smegma in almost-human form, you cruel and worthless wretches, you justifications-for-genocide, you freakshow horrors, you unloved pissants, you pantywaists, you miserable vomitous maggoty moronic slovenly vile hateful MOTHERFUCKERS!!!