Ok, granted my life is more Mr Mom than The Pursuit of Happyness in that I don’t have to sleep with my kids in a PATH station bathroom.
The fun part was when the back wheel fell off the stroller six blocks from home. That was neat.
Or explaining to my wife why my son has a massive scarface scratch down the side of his face from jumping face-first into something.
And I swear to God, they were trying to get me to shit my pants. Oh sure, your foot just “happens” to keep hitting the break while I’m trying to rush us home so I can get to the bathroom.
That’s about all I have time to write since I only have about 90 seconds between when the kids bust into my office to demand my attention, break something or otherwise require me to stop what I’m doing to go intervene.
Alas. Those innocent days of early childhood.Then they grow up into snively, angsty teens who scare you to death with all their activities. All to end up breaking your heart by leaving home and having their own life.
Now let’s talk about grandkids.
Goodluck, you’ll need it.
The Joys and the Responsibilities of Parenthood!
Because… well… which one of your kids would you toss into the woodchipper just to be a better ‘Affluent American’?
Kids and family. Congratulations! I think you just finally figured out that you aren’t a Trump “Affluent American” but a Real American instead. Personally, I think you made a much better choice.
“He was stabbed in the throat. He died almost instantly.
Although I hadn’t seen him in more than ten years, I know that I’ll miss him forever.
I never had any friends later on like I did when I was twelve.
Jesus, does anyone?”
Yeah…no, I actually think I made a terrible choice. Yes, they are generally cute. But really want I want in my heart of hearts is to find a new fucking job. And I can’t do that as they literally come in and bother me every 30 seconds. Like they have a million fucking toys. Go play with your fucking toys for ten minutes so I can send a damn email.
Gee, this brought back a lot of memories from when my kids were little. Give up on the idea of undivided attention. Not happening.
Get used to doing things in 90-second increments: finish editing email, get kid snack; hit Send for email and read part of new one, tell Kid B to stop flicking imaginary boogers at Kid A; finish reading email, stomp into living room and yell, “If I see one more imaginary booger getting flicked or hear one more wail, there’ll be big trouble!”; answer call from your mom (actually a robocall), stomp toward living room, switch course, pour self Paw Patrol sippy cup full of wine.
You don’t really get to ditch your kids while you work in the office, even for what you think is going to be 10 minutes. You wouldn’t put up with your nanny doing that, would you? Not that I don’t sympathize with your situation, but if your kids are stroller-aged, they need eyes on them all the time.
You need to schedule some “me” time. It will let you get the work done that you want, and it will keep you from going insane. Try not to take your frustrations out on the kids. They’re just being little puppy-people and can’t help themselves.
Try setting up a schedule, like pre-schools do. Set times for snacks and naps (especially naps) should make your day a little easier.