LOTR: The Return of the Jedi, the Next Generation United

*Lord of the Rings

Star Wars


Star Trek*

Books, movies, TV

All good ideas. Some very good stories. Cutting edge F/X technology (movies and TV, anyways). Sometimes, a little too much artistic liscence or lack of continuity. Or even piss poor writing and acting at times.

Now (here’s the fun part), COMBINE THEM!


Obiwan Mithadrir takes a young James Kirk to the one place where he can defeat the Sith lord, Sauron… Middle Earth. Along the way, they are joined by the Drawf R2D2, an Elf (Mr Spock), an old guy who likes horses, Rogue, and Brent Spiner as Legolas/C3P0/Scarecrow/Tom Bombadil.

Oh yeah, and a bunch of very unimportant people whom no one will miss once they’re obliterated in various undesireable ways.
The movie opens with these poorly done (even for 1978) scrolling credits:

*Lord of the Rings: The Return of the Jedi, the Next Generation United - Part IV: Some More Crap

The Republic of Middle Earth has stood for many centuries, enduring a whole lot of unfilmable stuff that would look really really cool if we could just find a way to film it. But, a new menace (some sort of Orcish phantom) has emerged, wielding a powerful new weapon, The One Ring.

Plans to the One Ring are being forwarded to StarFleet by a ragtag ensemble of motly looking, British accented thugs conscripted just for this movie. They must outwit a fleet of Vogon Constructors (commanded by Captain Jack Sparrow, btw) in order to reach the Bat Cave in time.

This is not their story…*

[Opening Scene}

Big ass space battle. Suddenly,the scene switches to Will Smith questioning Gandalf about those little people with him…

Magneto: These are not the Dwarves you want… Move along…

Kirk: Master Obidalf, was… that… some… sort… of… mind control… … … ? (does that eyebrow thing) :dubious:

Magnedalfwan: Nah, just slipped him a fiver.

Kirk: Oh


(does eyebrow thing again) :dubious:

What now?
Mithobito: THAT, depends on the Dopers, old friend

Riker: Captain, I just realized that you look an awful lot like Professor Xavier.

Picard: You ‘just’ realized? What are you, an idiot?

Gandalf: The Idiots are welcome to join us on our quest. One Ring to Rule the Mall.

Wolverine: They won’t let me into the mall. They say I scratch everything.

Amidala: I think you scratched me in the arena when they were trying to kill us. Or was that some other weird creature? I’ve lost track of them over the past few years.

Anakin: Why are you talking to him? I’m your true love.

Amidala: Forget you…I lay next to Jude Law in Cold Mountain, for goodness sake. Now there’s a hottie.

Aragorn: Please, no more Hotties. I’ve got enough competition already from Legolas.

Elrond: Has anyone seen my daughter Arwen?

Porthos: She shouldn’t be hard to find. All she ever does these days is lie around and pine away for Aragorn.

Frodo: All YOU ever do is lie around, dog!

Gollum: Missssster Andersssssson…

Elrond: Wrong franchise, moron!

Witch King: There can no peace! While Kirk lives.

Captain Jack Sparrow: Really? Oh. Well then take him!

Quantum: 'Oo’s 'e talk’n too?

Magneto: Witch King.

Quantum: I don know! That’s why oim ask’n!

Gandalf: Asking what?

Quantum: Which king?

Gandneto: THAT king!

Professor Jean Luc Xavier: Number One!

Number Two: I’m free!

Smeagol: Oh, aren’t you precious?

Porthos: I shudda taken the Frasier gig…