Love: It will "just happen"

The BBQ Pit
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How to meet people: Try to be confident and not skeevy, and it will just happen.
How to meet people: Just relax and be yourself.

The problem with not being “skeevy”, is that if you’re socially indept, you’re automatically perceived as skeevy. And when you try not to be skeevy, you come off as awkward, and skeevy, x 2. And if you try to be yourself (if you’re a shy person), you’re too quiet and way too skeevy, and the “how” of meeting people is useless because people you’re meeting don’t want to deal with skeevy and meeting people becomes moot. The catch-22 is now the catch-44. It truly is the downward spiral. The “go dancing” and “join a gym” suggestions is just filler for those that don’t know the ways of the spiral. There’s a reason it’s called a spiral!

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You are welcome. You look like Chris Bauer! And your profile seems very decent, and I can’t understand why you aren’t getting responses. Are you actively IMing and messaging women who seem interesting? Finding someone decent took me quite a while and lots of sifting through profiles.

You know what “It will happen” means? It will happen when you have the good fortune to mee the right person. It really is all about luck. There’s nothing you haven’t done right, there’s nothing wrong with you, and there’s nothing anyone can tell you that will make it happen for you until you happen to be in the right place at the right time with the right person. Finding the right person has everything to do with serendipity. That’s the truth.

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Those are kind of vague descriptions of the 4 quadrants though (not your fault, I’m sure you were just trying to type out a quick description), is there a book or website that has a more detailed description? I looked at this and thought… “derrr, I dunno, what am I?”

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Then you should have written post 319 really differently.

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A website? No, not one that doesn’t try to sell you some products. But this site, which which does want to sell you stuff (I am not affiliated), explains it quite well.

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Ah, you mean the one where I was answering your request for a clarification. It wasn’t a demand for you to respond, I was just answering you.

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Come on. You even asked me a direct question. I just thought it polite to explain why I wouldn’t be responding.

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And you mentioned him by name in the dancing thread in IMHO, misrepresenting his position in this one. Obviously you DID want to get into it with Priceguy, and when he wouldn’t comply here, you tried to start up with him in IMHO. Denying it just makes you look lame(r). You might not have an axe to grind with Priceguy, but if you don’t, you’re sure making it look like you do.

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Yup, within the past year I fell head over heels for a married woman, and I think she has done the same. We have never had any physical contact other than your regular hug and goodbye kisses.

But we have discussed how we feel about each other numerous times and she lets me know she won’t leave her husband because she grew up without her father and she hated her mother for it and she won’t have sex with me or cheat because she is very religious and thinks infidelity is on par with murder. She tells me she can’t stand her husband, they don’t even sleep in the same part of the house half the time. Shit like that.

She’s Hispanic and that bunch is very hardcore with marriage and family anyways. Pretty much blood in, blood out. lol

Either way, it’s absolute torture for me because she calls me everyday, all day long, tells me she loves me, tells me she WANTS to leave, but CAN’T. Fucking head games. I’m tired of the torture. So I told her this weekend that I will always be her friend, but I can’t do this any longer. I still love her and will always, but I just can’t.

If you love someone, nothing should get in your way with being with that person. But sometimes, real life gets in the way. He was there first and that’s that.

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Good for you diggleblop. The sheer bloody common sense of that post proves you deserve better than she’s willing to give you.

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I thought that “what is the definition of dance” was pretty rhetorical. And besides, you then answered it saying something to the effect of "well, I can do structured dances, just not freestyle. So you’d already answered me, and then you posted “I don’t want to answer you”. It’s okay already, it was just curiosity, I was being completely upfront with my last post.

I was answering your question to my question to your question, my “there’s no demand here” was wysiwyg, no malice intended.

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I’m not denying anything. As I stated in the imho thread. You asked who had stated certain negative opinions about dance, I used him as an example because you asked who, are you going to tell me you’re going to accept anecdotal evidence from my world of dating?

And he certainly does have strong negative opinions as I described in the imho thread about women who dance and prefer not to date men who don’t and has stated them here. In many of the posts in this thread. I didn’t say he was evil for it. And I said the same thing to him as I did to you regarding his opinions on dancing. It’s not like I said he murders kittens. He dislikes dancing and he thinks that those of us who consider it a valid or important social activity are “bizarre”. He said so in this thread.

He’s also complained that men not dancing is what is responsible for their remaining single and the unfairness and “bizarreness” of why someone would do this “to” single men, so to speak. In this thread.

And all sorts of other snotty little one-liners. I do not deny that his attitude about this subject irritates me, but again, I never acted like it meant that I thought he would drown helpless puppies or something.

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CanvasShoes, don’t try to use the fact that I’m fed up with the subject as carte blanche to start lying about me. Not one of the quotes you posted says anything about the people who think dancing is valid or important being bizarre. Not one of the quotes says anything about doing this “to” single men. Please either point out where I said these things, or apologize. No weaseling.

I read your conversation with Rubystreak in the IMHO thread. She gets it, so read what she said again.

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I don’t see snotty one-liners at all. I see someone who is confused, bemused, and thinks it’s weird that something so trivial TO HIM is so overwhelmingly important that it could trump his other positive characteristics and knock him out of the dating pool for otherwise compatible people. If there was something you did badly and couldn’t master that seemingly prevented you from having a chance at love, I bet you’d have the same feelings. Stop persecuting the guy for expressing an opinion different from yours, and splattering it across two threads. He really didn’t say anything offensive towards you.

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No, actually I wouldn’t have the same feelings. I wouldn’t call others’ pursuits “obsessive, strange and bizarre” (to name a few negative labels he’s used). Note my examples of those Alaskans who more fit the norm than I do and the fishing fever thing (they call it that, and are also the ones to laughingly call it an addiction), and my horrendous abilities at math.

I don’t then sit there and act as if that those that pursue those endeavors are just beyond mysterious as he has, many times over. His answer to the question “why do many women like men who dance” was “I’ve been trying to figure that out for years”. Yes, because it’s life’s biggest mystery why two people would want to do something fun and physical together.

With all those negative labels and attitudes, he’s basically saying that women who choose to give out their phone numbers, or not, based upon an activity that is important to them, is an invalid choice on their part. And then has the audacity to also act as if this is unfair on their part (note at least two of the posts about how men who don’t dance are doomed to be single).

I understand that there are those who don’t like to dance. Okay already. My irritation here is at the seeming insistence that there is something wrong with women who dance and the underlying mentality that we should just “drop it”(after all, it’s obsessive and weird!) so that we’re available for more men to have a “chance at”.

Priceguy is not the only guy to hold this belief dear, but in these threads, he’s epitomized that specific anti-dance attitude that is also extremely irritating out in the real world.

I just don’t get why, if dealing with women who love dance enough for it to be a dealbreaker if their potential mate doesn’t dance, he and men like him don’t just simply pursue women, like you, who also don’t like dance? Instead of acting as if we dancers are purposely trying to keep some men single or something.

It’s just so illogical.

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No, that wasn’t the question. Here’s the post. Please retract.

Please point out where I said this, or retract.

Please point out where I said anything about unfairness, or retract.

Please point out where I said there’s something wrong with women who dance, or retract.

I know you’re not going to do any of these things. I also know you’re not going to point out where I said the other things you erroneously claimed I said, or retract those claims. I just thought I’d give you a chance to be honest.

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You have never thought another person’s interests were bizarre? You’re more of a saint than I thought.

He doesn’t get it. Why put his dick in the dirt about it? There are a lot of things that people are into that I find inexplicable and bizarre. That’s not a judgment on them; just an expression of my own bemusement. Why you choose to take that as a personal insult that justifies you going on the attack is also quite bizarre. Priceguy doesn’t have to understand your passion for dancing. Neither do I.

This is complete fiction. You are manufacturing offense here.

I think lots of hobbies are weird. Doesn’t mean I think something is wrong with the practitioners. I challenge you to find any place where someone said something is wrong with people who want to dance. Not getting something, thinking it’s odd, whatever, =/= thinking it’s wrong. However, non-dancers have been called selfish assholes, so…

Oddly enough, I think your contributions to these threads have epitomized the specific pro-dance attitude that is extremely irritating.

Because not sharing only one interest seems like a very picayune reason to reject an otherwise compatible, decent guy. Not dancing makes a man impossible for you to love and date? THAT is so illogical. But hey, YMMV.

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This statement right here shows that you are either not reading what I’m saying, or that you aren’t understanding it. I am not saying that I want to share only dancing with a future mate. I’m saying, that in my short list, that is one of the non-negotiable items. Of course couples are going to share other interests, and of course couples are going to have interests that they don’t share. My posts have never stated that this is, or should be the ONLY interest in the partnership.

Your statement also illustrates the mentality that I am “pitting” in this and the other thread. You state above that you don’t feel that way, and then in your last statement you do a complete turnabout and go ahead and call another person’s interests and decisions regarding their own life “picayune”.

And I’m sure as hell no saint. And yes, there are some activities that I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, are not my cup of tea. Even some I find inexplicable (running behind a team of dogs for over a thousand miles in below zero weather for one! :D). The difference is, that I don’t make fun of the person (okay, maybe “pro” wrestling fans, but not to their faces), and I don’t act as if their interest isn’t a valid or important one, even when I can’t understand it.

You don’t seem to be understanding that I’m not griping against non-dancers, I’m griping against the attitude by a lot of men (and posted here regarding just the dancing portion by PG), that boils down to saying to the woman “your reason(s) for not giving me your number or dating me are not legitimate, or valid, and further, you are silly for having them”.

PS… it’s not as if I’m some raving beauty (I’m a hideous old grandma) or super-duper interesting woman or anything either. I just seem to be a magnet for men who insist that I’m “just making excuses” or “don’t really know what I want” regarding not wanting to date them (as you can see, it’s not as if I’m indecisive or don’t firmly state what I believe).

In a way, I’m glad to have seen this here. Whenever I get the foolish hankering to start dating again, I see something like this that reminds me “ooooOOOh yeah, that’s right, that’s what it’s like out there”.

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I’ve got a bit of a problem with the idea that hot single women have an easier time finding true love.

On behalf of my hot, single girlfriends… These are educated, attractive women who are either pursuing higher education or working in great jobs. They run the gamut as far as ethnicity and body shape are concerned. Most of them aren’t getting laid regularly (and they have no qualms with casual sex), several have never, ever been in a serious relationship.

Why? Fucked if I know. Sure, it’s partly because they’re busy, not particularly romantic and have no yearning for a relationship, but they come to me every so often and lament their lack of ‘true love.’

Are they getting hit on? Yes. Big deal. Being told ‘Baby, you’re hot!’ a hundred times a day does not instantly make a woman feel more attractive. And I don’t think it’s ever led to love. It is often the most obnoxious guy at the bar hitting on them for no reason other than the fact that they’re (pick one) blond, a model, big-breasted, etc. and it is pretty clear he’s prepared to do anything to get in their pants. It’s hard to have a genuine conversation with someone when it’s obvious they’re pretending to be interested in your ideas/what you do.

Do they ‘know’ they’re hot? Yeah, I’d say so. A few have major self-esteem problems or borderline eating disorders, but they tend to be the ones who’ve actually had serial (crap) relationships. When I mention their dry spells to my SO or any other guy, they’re baffled. How could she not be getting laid?

Are their own standards too high? Hardly. Someone mentioned ‘unequal’ couples, as far as looks are concerned. How often is the guy considerably more attractive than the woman? Rarely, I’d say. And these guys aren’t all millionaires. Sure some women have a type, but many of my friends go more for personal style (especially scruffy, gawky/ugly artsy guys) than ‘classic’ good looks. And personality really shines through, making an average gy seem much, much more attractive after one’s gotten to know him (or ugly if he’s a jerk).

I know, Waaah Waaah, poor pretty women can’t find love! But I just think it’s wrong to believe that there’s a group of people out there who’s got everything figured out. Really, when you’re in love with someone, who the hell cares about anyone else? If two Trekkies find love, what does a lonely supermodel have on them? Nothing.

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The answer is that they are looking for relationships in all the wrong places…bars are for casual sex quick hits, and the alcohol distorts the intentions
of both parties. Also, being at a club or bar is usually too noisy to get any real conversation going beyond the mind-numbing “Baby, you’re hot!” banter, so I would think that that particular environment is actually limiting their chances to find anyone of real substance or they (the real guys) are squelched by that type of environment.

Hmmm…maybe they should approach guys that they seem interested in…and do so outside the bar/club environment. They should be MUCH more successful.